Hughley, Olenin, Iraq discussed on Velvet's Edge
Like oh you're so cute. And I hope that until I am back in the inbetween, I am like that ninety year old woman with a notebook walking around. So curious realizing how much I don't have a fricking clue about like the more I learn the more I know the more I realized I don't have breaking blames yes that is true. I think the universe is just so beautiful. It gives us what we can handle at the time and there are stuff that like I wasn't even aware of until after I wrote the book about like some early crew, verbal trauma and things. That aren't written in there. I didn't know I wasn't ready to process that the more healing we do the deeper you're able to go even deeper and learn more, and again we have free will. So you don't have to choose it right? Right. You can just stay in those patterns and like the Universe is so loving. We'll just keep bringing up really painful things and kind of keeping Olenin. Same cycles and reliving traumas until we do that Hughley work. My Gosh well, we both talked about the healing process and I want to get into that a lot into this podcast What you just said even specifically, I personally like I feel that so much with just. Getting to the next they call you know the layers of the onions and I'm just like annoyed most the time when I'm getting to another layer like I don't want another layer. Like I have walked through this pain or what you said like you keep up against certain things maybe until you heal it fully I think it's healed but then it's like it comes up in a different form in a different relationship in a different place, and so it's a constant journey to that healing which a really WanNa get into yours because I think that can be helpful to a Lotta people but first let's go back because we do have to talk about the pain first. So could you tell the listeners a little bit about just what happened in high school in your accident? Yes absolutely. So basically when I was a senior in high school I pulled out in front of an ambulance and he hit me on my car door, go sixty, five miles an hour and so. Yeah. So I broke ribs in culture. My lungs mullane slaps, mice, spleen rupture lost that I broke the top two vertebrae in my neck see one in C two and what? I didn't know them which I feel really clear on now I actually died in Iraq and wasn't reading and everything it shut down for somewhere between three to five minutes the guy that was in the wreck with me This all came clear later, but I would always be told you know you had a five percent chance to live one percent chance to walk. It's like so miraculous that you're still here but I really think that I died in chose to come back I still had a lot of work here to do and the ambulance driver was right there. He knew how to stabilize my neck and not just pull out of the car you know and They were able to get me to the hospital really quickly and getting on life support and remove my spleen and Guinea stable enough to a few weeks. Later do this final court surgery that I had to have where? They took bone for my hip and back then just the standard practice was to fuse it with wire, and so they wrapped my neck with wire in the late nineties. That's just what you did. And you know I was always fair. All details islas just so blessed. So lucky I was in the hospital almost a month it happened on my dad's birthday which was November second and I went back to school after Christmas. Yeah I walked out of there had a big on that grace that I wore for like five or six months and. You know new scars and things like that. But otherwise, I mean. I I kinda just went back to normal life like I. Did Not. Know what does association was I had no idea what how to process ought not the time you know we disassociate to survive. This really loving. Saying that we so that we could keep going and that is fully what I done and I was pretty busy ended. Now, I know before the wreck even happened but it just Kinda, took me into deep state of disconnection an our talk about direct like it was in third person and I thought like that like it was just a cool story but it didn't feel like it happened me I would always say it was way harder on my family and my friends than it was for me and I felt that at the time I really didn't have very many residual effects like I didn't. My pain wasn't like I get sore if I like dance too much. Have Day in day out any sort of repercussions in. So I just went back to my normal teenage life and graduated got to college at the time. My former disassociation in my former comfort was mostly through food, and so I would just kind of stuff any feelings I did not cry for four and a half years. This shutdown I I knew how to show up and smile and be kind. You know I was part of this southern culture in the church. I was a part at all these things. The Patriarchy taught me everything was about appearance how you show him in the world? Is You Smiley printing kind but I did not know how to process. The TRELA that I walked through and so instead I just stuff might be linked with food and then showed up and smiled and did it all over again you know And so that's that was kind of my Mo until I moved to Nashville. met my very first boyfriend I. Hear It's worth superstock. A May they. Curls, all like that would be so great. It's not my jury, but I know be also. We were just like we were part of a church. You know that talked about sexy and simple in the fleshes.