Making it better is what all he wanted was to unload it on a person that he trusted and loved and who loved him just to get it out but not to be told what to do or be advised or do anything about it. That was a big moment for us. It really was was he. What he was saying was listen to me. You have empathy for me and and that's all in love me through it. That was hard for me. Because i wanted to fix everything. Yeah i think for us when we started this podcast and started talking to other couple's one of the things that really inspired us was. We wanted to get married. We want it to last forever. But i felt like the world was so filled with media and headlines tabloids of no marriage lasts nothing is perfect and nothing can be forever. And i love having these conversations with you guys who've been married forty years forty almost forty one in your age and we have so many people telling us oh it's unhealthy to fight and it's unhealthy to argue and if you disagree about something it must not be. The right. person is healthy not to fight. If you don't fight forget it. Guess to fight you know. Try not to fight dirty but you know rumor had it that in your forty one years of marriage had never had a fight. You're saying that's not true kidding. I once asked billy graham. If he ever thought of a divorce he said divorce never murder. I is that a drew story is a love. That's the best thing to ever come from our show. Don't fight are suppressing their anger. Or they're withholding sanjay gupta. Talk about that. He he would withhold how he felt and he get more pissed off that she couldn't guess what was wrong with him. And i said well why would you assume she could guess what's wrong with you. He's well i. I was being Passive aggressive i. It took me a while to realize that that was a passive aggressive thing to do you gotta to say. Hey this hurts just that this makes me feel bad that the thing you learned through the year this from reading and talk it was. We've never been in marriage counseling but a of the couples that we spoke to had been. And it's it's a great thing to do. If you need to the number one. I love you. I mean to commit to marriage counseling. I think says i love you and i wanna stay with you. We're doing while we didn't have that many did we. We didn't have that many. We a lot of flights. We fought a lot of those type papers analyses and we both were in our own shows. So i was used to being a boss and i would bossie and he was just being a boston. He was bossy. And so you know. He wanted to be certain way. I wanted to be a certain way. And we really had to like give john mcenroe's wife patti smith said she at a one point because they're they are very fiery the two of them. Will you know john mcenroe. You've seen him on the court. I mean he's yelling. Fu the empire. And she's very feisty too and she said a one point. I realized i wanna don't wanna be right or do i want to be happy so i wanna be happy so i'll let this go. The hell was it. And so that's you learn that after wild that some of these fights just on you know what was it. The james carville told us yo a he did he said When you find yourself in a round and round argument where you said no i. Didn't you said that said you said kick that can down the road now. It's it sounds so it's great though so superficial. And i remember a week later. I we were arguing and i said oh. Let's kick that can down the wrong. We both started laughing and it's true. He golota cans down the road. But it's you know it does. It moves the ball. Somehow you know what you mean when you say that like just defer that conversation or yes oh forget it. It's stupid you're going to say you said you were gonna take no no you said no i remember. No you did you. You could and it goes on an island is ridiculous and you're in that place where everybody has to be right and then you finally just Hell with it. Just kick it down the road okay. But what if we don't have as good a sense of humor as both of you do and when we're in the moment we get tied up and we can't think of a funny way to to end the conversation like by saying let's kick this can by the road you'll be okay just job right to okay that you're gonna end up there anyway so you know having sex you have in the middle of their so were you realize what the hell was that about rayleigh and we talked arlene alden allen. All they've been married. I don't know sixty some years. And they used to fight all the time and everything. They had three little kids. He was traveling all the time for his career and she felt that she wasn't getting what she wanted out of her career because he was so busy and She said they used to fight. A lot is when i look back at it. She said. I can't put my finger on what we thought about. It was something but it will. It just wasn't that was. That's an interesting relationship. Alan alda i mean. He can't walk down the street any work in the world without being recognized but their relationship began he was a cab driver and he used to bring home as you know is his but i was in one dollar bills in and put them in a basket on the table and she would take the money and separated according to chip with them. A little envelopes said rant food utilities. The thing is is they were a team and you really are a team if you don't see yourself as a team then you know that that that's the ballgame. You're the team. And i want him to have everything he wants that. That's another thing you know. People don't really invest in the other person's dream. I from the very beginning and you know forty one. Years is a long time so phil was in his career. I was in my career and it took a lot out of each of us because we had these gigantic careers. And the thing is is that I wanted him to have everything you. He wanted a life and he wanted me to to have what i wanted he wanted. My dream was important to him and his re was important to me. And if that's true if you really wanted in one of you isn't being like hey listen. I'm the on that if you're into that if you're if you're selfish you marriage won't laugh and know another piece of advice that both of you have given in previous interviews is that both both individuals have to be invested in it together and i think that's absolute gold but i'm curious so you've interviewed jimmy carter and his wife ray romano on his wife sting and his wife. I mean the list goes on you. Have george stephanopoulos. Stephanopolous rodney peete. I'm curious of all the couples you've sat down and talked with. Is there one relationship where you're like. Wow veda things way different than anything we've ever seen. I don't know whether they do things way different. But each couple will it was a very singular. I mean each couple overcome something that the other day. There's no such thing as the rice and the white dress and the clear sailing you know and.