Tom And, Oskar Mike, VA discussed on Veteran On the Move
It we're back talking with the navy veteran while Disney while you, you to talk about. You got your masters in hit become an therapist in early on you started. You had not only had help from the VA in the beginning. But you're, you're highly recommending those veterans in need, you know, don't don't count, the VA yet out completely at this point, although they do kind of a bad rap from time to time. So in your experience, dealing a lot with with veterans in, in veteran, PTSD, what kind of experiences have you had in helping helping goes through those problems in anything stand out. Yeah. Number one. I told God two things in my life. Do one is that I wouldn't marry a Filipina because I deployed to the Philippines, if you looked my Facebook page I got lucky. And the other is I didn't want to be pigeonholed as a veteran therapist because I was veteran but I realize now that, that I was made. Right. But I'm not the only part of the solution. That is a huge huge factor. Nobody is the savior or a savior, people need to take responsibility for their journey the crap that they had to go through is not their fault, but it is their responsibility, and as patriots in his man, we reject apathy in except responsibility, and the other thing is that there are themes, two stories it might not have the same color. Your story might not have the same color, but it may be the key to unlocking somebody else's. Prison because what I found universally is we're not alone in this, the challenges that we have, we're not alone. We're not the only one and that's a lie. That, that really prompts us into isolation when people are dealing with mental health. I'm the only one that's struggling onto my platoon or Meyer wing or whatever it may be. And it's that's not it. There's beautiful groups out there that are getting to create good community, and it's not just loud, country music in one dollar. Well drinks. Okay. That's not that, that can be fun. And there's good parts about that. But that is not good trajectory down the road to really being what we were made to be so really getting into community that can be open and honest, and transparent, the kind of guys that you can send up. Signal and say you know what? I'm not Oskar Mike. I'm I'm dead in the water and I need somebody to, to kinda told me along, give me a little buoy. So I can get some air and very, very important that, that is one of the biggest thing is we always have the choice, the choice to continue and get in community, and then the final see that I always share with the guys I work with is contribute. You have something to contribute. I've been reviewing your podcast and just impressed and delighted at seeing like Frank. Tom and, and Murphy and Billy Vaughan and, you know, the things that they're doing to contribute to the society, people talk about the greatest generation, I think we have the opportunity to create a current greatest generation, there's a lot of talk about making America great again. And when all else fails, Joe society will turn to their warriors, they always have to make things. Good again. And everybody has something to contribute. It doesn't matter how big or small, it is. For example, you don't have to hit it out of the oracle the time, like France along that guy's just impressive. I mean just impresses, right. And and seems kind and good. Gosh, we need more of that in this world. But I gotta tell you, I did construction for a while. And I found a lot of pride in that quite honestly, because our homes are one of our safe places. And I gotta tell you what would the world be like, if we didn't have plumbers? Absolutely. And so you know what if you're calling if you got skills to do that? My gosh. Do it do it with all your heart as if to a greater good, because that's what's needed. That's what's going to make America. Good again. And we need community. We need people who can like my wife is awesome. You talk about an opportunity to do books and things like that. That is my wife's gifting and I would be a sloppy mess with without her gifts and talents in that area. And that's an example of how we need to live in community. Just did you know. Yeah. So is that an original Clute, people need to take responsibility for their journey? That's awesome. I love that. So I actually there's a gentleman by the name of Johnny Neel. He works for a three letter organization that helps veterans in, I don't wanna be particular about any one of them, but he works in outreach. And. And he said, you know, people need to take responsibility for their recovery. And as a therapist that fits into right? A right into all the psychobabble allege that we talk about, you know, there's a joke about how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb only one but it's got a one a change. Right. Yeah. This is the same thing. You've got to take responsibility in in. I love. Poop. Metaphors. They're, they're just fan. I've got somebody poop stories it's just will do that off the air sometime I could live in metaphors in analogies all the time. I could I could migrate assed hero did all the time. So, and my second favourite, which was ABRAHAM LINCOLN. Did it all the time too? So here's the thing. Nobody can poop for you. Nobody can. And so you got some crap to pass and you gotta pass it out there might be somebody to show you where the stall is the toilet paper or even a baby wipe if it's a really good friend. Right. But nobody crap for you. And that's that's gotta that's got to be the case because, you know. Admiral mcraven, who's at seal team three. At one point when I was there, I think, if my memory serves me, correct. It's not as good as it used to be has a book out there. And he's like, never ring the bell. Never quit when you're down starts singing. Right. It's, it's that kind of thing you gotta have some people around. You are singing, singing, your praises that something we really shy away from. We get a lot of, you know, Atta boys, or just kinda something from the toilet stall sometimes in the military, but quite honestly, we need somebody on us. Hey, you're good. At that. Hey, you've got a acumen for that. Hey, I can see you doing this. You know. That's what got me into therapy as I Fred said. Hey, will you need to go back and get your masters and a couple of people? Tell me. Yeah. I could see you doing that. And my wife saying you're going to do what? You know, we need to have people pick us up because nobody can cramp worse in. We have to have the courage to go on oftentimes like you dealing with veterans and Llosa deal with first responders, what you're saying. When you when you first meet with somebody are you trying to figure out if they're ready to take responsibility for their journey in on day one or, and then try to get him to that point? And then once they cross over, then it becomes easy, and downhill from there. So Joe, I like to say that life is like a tractor pull. Have you ever been to a tractor bull? Yes. I actually have the further down the track you go the heavier, the way becomes, so it's never Townhill from there at any point. I mean, life suggestions, we always live in gravity, and thank God because otherwise we'd be floating in space, right? So there are men as therapists, there's many things I'm paying attention to all therapies are, and there's points, there are points, where people are going to be willing to move into things, and there's points, where people are going to be scared spiritless to move into that. So you take you take an assessment at the real question is are they ready willing and able, and depending on the theory and the modality, there's one theory about motivational interviewing talking about addictions in and there's five different stage. And they say it takes about five years to move through those stages from pre contemplative to a contemplative to planning to execution to maintenance, and you're looking all the time, you know, I know I know so many warriors that will rush into battle, but have an open honest, relational conversation with their spouse or partner loved one is, is scary as hell and, you know, so you're going to get people that are comfortable moving one way. But maybe not into another direction, one of the things that I love is a, I have a modality called EM arts stands for I movement to desensitization reprocessing. It's so good that Colonel Grossman in his book on combat mentions. It that in cognitive behavioral therapy are the two main modality for, for approaching trauma, so with are. Beautiful things is you don't have to go in and and, and pick out the guts. Do remember, Star Trek bones, the doctor he had a device in it. Like. And, and he could like not only diagnose, but also fix things with that device, without penetrating, a bought the excisions in surgery and stuff like that. So I would say EM DR is kind of like that. It's not as magical in obviously it's not absolutely accurate. But there's even a way to approach persons of urge to avoid and you can go, what's your urge to avoid there's or to ten and they go tent? I don't even wanna go close. I want to just pay attention to that urge to avoid we do bilateral stimulation, that's for the eye movement comes in. And it can actually diminish a person's urge to avoid, and they're like, okay, I'm ready to go into the fire. Okay. You've got trust in this. Let's go into the fire. I want you to hold it out there like a movie on. What you to relive it. And then. Instigate the bilateral movement. Our bilateral stimulation and I've seen it do just incredible things especially around trauma. That's how up with Vietnam veterans. So now, do you think it helps in in which you do dealing, especially with veterans in, in all all the first responders? Do you think it helps? You have ensure it helps credibility was that you're not only in the navy, but in ABC for twelve thirteen years, do you ever find yourself thinking oh since I was you know, since I was a navy seal. I'm going to be better at this dealing with this guy because I can relate or how much what you thoughts on the so I try to never go into a situation, knowing or believing that I know it in. No at all. That's, that's number one. I let my clients make that decision. This is. The, the beauty of providence. So when I was in the teams I was also went through sniper program. So I was a sniper, but I was also a medic talk about duality of man writes kill him save Kilim savoring. And then got paramedic train into because that's what they did to try to give us something if we ever moved outward into the civilian sector, so I was ac- you'll sniper a medic a paramedic. And when I deal with people that are doing this. They're like, oh, yeah. We had this situation with a life pack and identity eight this person because of my familiarity there. I know what he's talking about. It's kinda like acronyms in the military in the military. You know what I mean? You sign off as Oscar Mike. Well, military guys know what that means, but civilian people don't you know, and so somebody who hasn't been in. That situation might go. Hey, what's Oscar Mike? Meet means among the move a moving. Right. Seal. Seal team guys. We're just we don't go Oskar Mike we go moving. Mobile and sorry, little humor passed over so but because I have kind of the familiarity in the vernacular, the guy, I'm a recovering cuss a holic. So when I cuss a quote, somebody, but I've had people say I know you've been through the shit. So when I talk about this shit, you know what I'm talking about. And so it does help but I also want to warn people that doesn't have to happen. You can the people that are in mental health are there because they were made for it, and they've been put through gauntlet really and they want to help..