The Fatherhood Playbook - The Elementary Years

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

This podcast is for men husbands and fathers in all stages of life where we promote and advocate Ruben Biblical principles relieving a lasting lasting legacy lance last time we talked about these stages we were on phase one and early development and before we get into phase two do which I'm thankful that I am out of face to which as you ages five twelve years elementary years we kind of wanted to do a little bit of I don't know if we want to call it house cleaning but maybe we'll say home focusing and some different stages or styles of parenting the along this journey with that Lance. What do you think yeah just for all the listeners if he didn't hear the first podcast first podcast uh-huh. What was this is crazy Africa era over here? I don't know what's going on now. If you guys didn't hear the first per cut podcast. Why can't I say that word today podcast if you didn't hear the first podcast either by to go back and listen to it but it kind of talks about where this thing came from essentially what we're looking for when I started off in parenting parenting else look for two things and authentic biblical parenting philosophy apparent gloss visa had a proven track record of producing children. WHO become christ-centered adults in the first one? We talked Dante member. We talked a lot about Barna research. It's just a lot of the research out there. That said hey listen. If you WANNA raise kids who grew up to be Senator Dole some certain things you can look at that are actually based on research evidence based practices that will help you get there so I invite you guys if you didn't listen to that. Go back and listen to it but today. We're GONNA Kinda that was the first one was birth through five years today. We're going to cover her five years through elementary and will be a good idea to you know so. We'll put some of these books so these links. Maybe it'd be WANNA buy them on Amazon Lance. If you can link it up revolutionary parenting yeah yeah it's going to do if eighth tim show some timmel stuff sure and get resource for our listeners. I won't I won't even put those like annoying. what do you call it like. When would if you buy it through us. We get a kickback type. I would just be like hey go on Amazon finding if you came into like money or you WanNa you know do a legacy dad's retreat you know and you just want to donate that to to the Bible one three C. You know we'll get that up and running out in Idaho or somewhere like that. If you get a million dollar resort you just WANNA. Give us what will work. We'll spend the rest of our day's work in you know fulltime with Dad's getting this stuff straight but for all the other listeners like like Lance and I you know we don't want a nickel and dime you and Hey we want you guys getting as much from from this as we do and were accountable to you guys as you are to us so we hope that what we say what we do and going forward especially in these next few moments. We don't want to offend but we definitely want you to test what we're saying against scripture absolutely so so to your talk about this so I wrote that it's been about ten years now since I wrote that original blog post on overprotective. Teke parenting and Matt. I remember when I wrote this thing you know. I was talking about the dangers of why this parenting style it. It just had long term implications everything that I read everything from you know Biblical stuff that my mentors were teaching me said this is just a bad route to go down to but man. Can you tell you what I would. I wouldn't into some of the popular Christian parenting forums and I was talking about this like hey this overprotective parenting stuff is really bad and you would the thought I went in there and burned Bible because I had literally you know parents coming out of the woodwork mom's coming out of the woodwork. Just basically saying like you are absolutely wrong. You don't know what you're talking about. We have to protect our kids. We have to do you know and and it was just like I think maybe because they were probably in and that overprotective phase they didn't want to hear it but you know so low behold a lot of researchers come out recently that was in the last is ten years since I wrote this podcast had says stuff is just destructive and if you don't know what we're talking about so overprotective parenting and over protective parent wants to protect the child from harm hurt and pain unhappiness bad experience rejection hurt feelings failure disappointment sin those types the things so but the way they try to do it. They try to create this unrealistic environment like environment. That's completely free of any sin or outside influence or media and they use really get involved in the over management of the decisions and lives of the children so for the guys out there like me than the android also wetlands is saying that the parents don't like the fact that there's winners and loser's so they'll take the score out of a kid's baseball game and everybody wins and everybody gets trophies at the end of the game layman's yeah yeah and I think some of it's not even that some of it was crazy stuff like you know I'm not GonNa wit. Let my kids watch Disney movies because you know like like I remember this this slip big topic. It was like I'm not going to let my kids watch a lad and because there's a genie and it promotes magic and analysts stuff like that and I was kind sound like that is that is that really is that what we're afraid of is that I mean with all the things you know. We're going to be afraid of Disney's Aladdin but you some of the critical things you see. I think is like a lot of times. Were let's see the kid. The kid falls or gets hurts or something like that and it's like like mom running into took like comfort the kid when there's no distress or what I saw a lot Christian parents is to is trying to create these overly really strict rules that if you know to try to keep the child from doing anything wrong or punishment that didn't fit the crime. Abbas like overly harsh discipline for really minor offenses in them make any cognitive Kabila's no decisions yeah no you're not you're not developing their cognitive thought in the sense that they have to ask you to go to the bathroom and I mean yeah. I actually know parents that legitimately hear kids ask mom. Can I go to the bathroom and you know and Dante. I'll say I mean we're we're. We're we're kind of you know being tongue in cheek in beating these parents l. but but I I honestly believe this because I used to get really harsh and I was like why can't you see this is so destructive obstructive but you know when I was doing the parenting conference and I would actually talk to parents I on this was a mean I'm being honest here and being graceful and I think a lot of these parents like like what while I think they were trying to be overprotective really out of a sense of love for the child. The problem was is that there are philosophy and their methodology that they you you tried to accomplish with was flawed and it often had disastrous results in it and it wasn't based on anything Biblical I don't know where in my Bible Dante too I read over and over fear this fear that fear that you know fear all these things of fear. Yeah live a life of fear and make sure our kids grow up to know that they need to be fear based of everything in the world and what I believe the Bible commands us over and over his fear not fear not fear not now. If if you're listening don't get me wrong. We're not talking about you know telling three year olds to go hang out in the bad part of town. Send them at the mall. You know at six years old I mean we there's boundaries that kids need every child needs boundaries. Yeah it's age appropriate but but I think we in yeah yeah and I think look what you were saying on to. Its if the child is of the age where they can make a decision for themselves but the parent is still making that decision for them. That's that that's kind of an issue. You know so you know. I was thinking about this when we were going to do this podcast and I so I just looked up because as I really haven't looked a lot at the overprotective parenting stuff or you know years and years now so I just punched into Google to see what I come up with and the crazy thing is is for as much grief as I got for writing that post ten years later we now have a bunch of peer reviewed research and results of the negative effects of this style of parenting and some of the research and these are actual like peer reviewed clinical research that was done in some of the stuff. I saw is pretty scary. It's like overprotective. Parenting parenting has been proven to increase levels of like social problems hyper aggression children becoming more antisocial increase lying to parents against developing anxiety disorders having greater dependence on parents as they grow older greater risk-taking as they get to the teen years lower self esteem him and actually higher rates of being bullied so I mean there was not anything I could find that was really positive about being overprotective overprotective or coddling your children so yeah I throw that out there and and Dante it sounds like you've had some experience with this and like I said said I really think I think parents are there. They think this is they think it's they're doing it out of love but they just go overboard in some of these areas what do you what do you think on that. Dante yeah and it's almost to the point like you almost wish for a moment in time you could just pull them up out of that tree of that child well that's in front of them and have them look over like the gamut of all parents and all kids and just to see you know what like some good processes says versus bad processes and you know if you you know if you're Kinda resembling or you're getting a little bit offended that we're we're poking into your backyard here on the overprotective detect apparent you know likewise. There's the other side of the spectrum on the parent that is completely disengaged and bold. Have you know negative constraints and not good for the child development. You know whether we like it or not. Children do need boundaries. Mom Dad you know if you live on a busy street and you're over protective and you know that going into the middle of that street you know will cause pain in your helicopter on that. This is not what we're talking about but we're talking about the things where you're having the child live out of fear in this case we're apparent literally up until like eighteen year olds asking their their their mom if they could go to the bathroom you know in having me say of course you go to the bathroom. You're you're a guy you want to go right here. I would suggest you don't do that in front of the women but go behind Bush and having the mother look at me but basically knowing that hey look you can try and practices at home but I have a relationship with his child to that aim flying Ryan and and so it wasn't me being a jerk or whatever but just having fun with it being lighthearted leading the kid relax and showing that hey you know you gotta grow up you gotTa to pass that torch and and the the caution that I want to say if you are finding yourself that you're micromanage everything of to this kid where they go to school what sports tape and or your overcome packing their schedule realized that as much as we think that we're developing the child as land says scientific aim typic- and this isn't just christian-based this is you know pure raw data that you are in that we are inadvertently causing distress and just worry and that can metamorphasized into a whole bunch of other things

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