Q&A: Why Do I Still Crave Attention?
I don't have a therapist yet. Currently looking for a trauma therapist. My parents divorced when i was six. My mom's boyfriend molested me at age. Nine she didn't believe me for a long time. My dad came back quote as friends to help him get up alcohol. I think i was about twelve at thirteen. I was raped by my boyfriend in field. I started running away from home. My dad left because he couldn't handle me running away. I started doing drugs and being promiscuous. I stopped at seventeen in got with my now husband. I have cheated and have six kids. But here's the thing. I still feel the need to be wanted by other people liked. What sam forty. I have twenty year olds my. Dm's wanting me to be there. Cougar actually want people to want me. My husband chose me affection. Don't get me wrong. But i would like someone else. Allies the time to. I can get where my fucked up past 'cause my bipolar depression anxiety. Ptsd but to be like this. What the heck. Thank you for listening. So good question. I think there will be elements of this that resonate with a lot of people here So thank you for asking it. I'm glad that you're looking for therapist. You mentioned that you're looking for a trauma therapist which is really important because not everybody does specialize in trauma work so really good instincts there to be looking for trauma based therapist Also just want to say that. I feel for you. You know. i'm. I'm sorry that you've been through so much you didn't deserve it. You're not responsible for it. And i'm glad that you're here that you're alive and able to ask this question both for yourself and for anybody else that benefits from hearing what i say to you. So thank you for that. And as i said. I'm glad that you're here. This is sort of a complex layered question. I think there's a few important threads to tease apart here. First off Let's talk about desire versus action right. Because i think it's one hundred percent absolutely totally normal to have attraction to people other than your partner that you committed to that could be romantic sexual or otherwise But i think that this is something that society and movies and Maybe our own sort of internalize. Jealousy tells us that we're not supposed to do that. We're supposed to somehow turn this off completely when we commit to being with another person romantically and you know people are different. There are certainly some people where the romantic or sexual interests and other people really fades or dwindles or basically goes away when they commit to somebody. But that's not the case for everybody and there's nothing wrong with that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having Feelings right what you do about. Those feelings is a different story right. You're allowed to have whatever private thoughts you want. You know you can enjoy whatever kind of attention you might run into in daily life But you need to make a choice about how you engage with that with those thoughts with desires without attention. Whatever it might be you need to make a choice about what you do about that. How you engage with that. Are you going to be actively drawing in that attention playing into it. You know actively flirting are you allowed to talk about attractions with your partner with other people. What are you gonna do about that.