A new story from The Ralph Report

The Ralph Report


Way today is his birthday today so happy birthday man our wherever you are it's beautiful commuted it all hunger hunger burner love labor match he you you cannot there certain accents that you can still see my baby was our our stay on what the problem is there's certain accents since my lip thing and it will like tonight at dinner it'll still be happening when you do accent potatoes i'm going to have to make me up about around a sandwich i don't need some more but hit back on this day in nineteen sixty president lyndon b johnson johnson declared the war on poverty well done we conquered it everybody's everybody there are no homeless people in LA underneath a freeway overpasses at adderall crazy crazy tent city have you been down down yeah i mean it's it looks post-apocalyptic looks like a science fiction movie does street it it is it is crazy the nineteen sixty six the who and the kinks performed on the very last episode of shindig which was a popular music program on ABC which which broke really all the big bands of the day in nineteen sixty eight and television jacques cousteau used to watch jock he debuted his first undersea i see special on US network television i thoroughly enjoyed those shows and they were fascinating because he was like the only guy shooting movies underwater right now it's a commonplace see national geographic channel news a half a dozen shows every day that have submarine footage what's going on inside the ocean but jacques cousteau was the only guy doing doing it was the first time for a lot of that we saw what life was like in the ocean whose fascinating so good we're so spoiled now nineteen seventy six harvey milk milk became the first openly gay person elected to public office here in california great movie also yeah if you've never seen milk with sean penn shootout so god is great story of course he was killed by a political rival dan white shunned death and dance defense remember the famous dan dan white right defense when he went to trial is a name for it for extra points i'm not gonna get it the twinkie defense was the twinkie defense because he he claimed that he was already depressed and he ate a bunch of fast food and it made his mental state even worse and that's why he acted out in the way of that work for him not so because that's stupid i stoop but that's what is psychiatrist testified that the consumption of junk food including twinkies exacerbated his symptoms and his depressed state l f f s in nineteen ninety-two speaking of eating things president george h w bush bush the first got got ill and threw up in the lap of japanese prime minister was so did you see it oh god it was awesome watch it over and over he was sitting there and then he kinda cocked his head back and then just full laugh on this day in nineteen ninety-three the three NBC offered the tonight show david letterman that was a good decision then they promptly took it back and they gave it to jay leno that was a bad decision in nineteen ninety-three also in this day elvis presley's commemorative postage stamp went on sale they very busy day for elvis presley was his birthday they had a vote remember you could pick old elvis or young elvis and they the US postal service actually let people decide and they picked young young handsome now that could call although he when he it strikes me now when i think about it when he died i was like wow you know elvis got old and died happens everyone he was forty two years old when he he looked like sixty st i mean he's on this day in two thousand eight new jersey became the first northern state to officially apologize for slavery are bad slaves well done new jersey done indeed and you know i like to save the food related days in history for the end usually it's whether eddie pencil eat something or not carry a sitting in the second second shared today we're going to run it past her and see what she thinks i will talk about the food then we'll pull the handle of the patented kerry slot machine end of three of the items come up on the rails that means she'll eat it it yet she doesn't then they'll be mismatched him all right on this day nineteen ninety eight walter e damer died he worked for many years for the flare chewing gum company experimented with recipes for chewing gum as a hobby this guy really liked gum but his biggest breakthrough through course came in nineteen twenty eight when he invented bubblegum without walter e damer we would not have the delicious lucious pink sweet shui treat that is bubble gum double bubble gimme some right now bubblegum that's something carrie would like to eat or and or stick up her butt sewing one way to find out we gotta pull that handle here we go one piece two pieces my god first brioche yesterday now zero for two well you know i'm a different kind of picky i don't like sweet things very much an i. the our daughter-in-law bubble gum i cannot stand the smell of it i just wanna be in her face and have her breathe on especially the hubba the bubba it makes the whole car smell ever no no no nos like hubbub no bubblegum and i don't i really don't don't see the value in bubblegum up the but it's true i really don't well although if you farted you could maybe blow a bubble that'd be pretty cool yes that i'm a lady i don't like that word no we don't we don't use that word around here much aren't kid has been trained to say toot instead of far because it's a little cracks it's a crossword and reflect what did you know that when you were my mom used to call it a fluffer lover and then as i grew up i realized what a fluffer really was which is someone who works on a porn sat it's true prepping the male actors for their scene and when i told her that that she stopped using the word she horrified she was horrified does she make fluffer nutter sandwiches or does she think that some fluffer who's doing his job too well i they don't want nuts thank my mom doesn't eat sandwiches anyway that's it for this day in history i pity the pool who by route he's drop in college level knowledge with the accuracy that got my head spin in pasadena drunk headaches number on the back on track with a replica celebrity kuban loves my beats rhymes with of being today hey they're ralph garment here i hope you're enjoying enjoying the show and if you are why not subscribe to the ralph report so you can hear it every day monday through friday for just fifteen cents a day you can be a one star are general supporter and that will get you the show in your ear holes monday through friday of course there are two three and four star general levels as well which gets you more bonus content content more access to me so if you like what you're hearing why not subscribe go to patriotdepot dot com slash the row report that's p. a. t. r. own n. dot com slash the report subscribed today so you don't miss a thing all righty now it's time to take a look at all the entertainment news with a segment hi call the showbiz beat let me grab my pink bells case you anyone you wanted to say you would bone house right if the CW has announced wants the shows that will be coming back to that network next season the twenty twenty twenty twenty one season i am thrilled because you know i love all those superhero shows over there on the sure do and they've announced that woman will be coming back nancy drew all american black lightning charmed dynasty flash in the dark legacies he's riverdale roswell new mexico and supergirl all return so what's not returning over there nothing author teen of its current scripted series are that aren't and you season are being a great place to be is indeed including legends of tomorrow when i was worried about that one because the ratings on that are not as strong as the others and i love that show okay that'll be back doc as well so that's good news for all these CW fans out there can't wait for crisis to return you know they're doing a big crossover episode where supergirl and flash and green arrow role working together to save the world glazing over now he less interested in that i will tell you one thing though and when people in the army here about this they are not going to be a happy oh we missed the premiere of the bachelor oh yeah monday night that was my bad i did not set up the view listen my few things the you're in charge of i know setting up the DVR is one of those things and i heard hannah comes back and asked to be on the show m. g. as the kids say so glad i missed it because you know i feel about hannibal you hate her anyway get on it and get it recorded i'm gonna one hundred down on i'm sure ABC on on demand here on direct TV priority overall the CW rights finding speaking of television this is awful news the goddamn masks singer which is bullsh- such bullshit show inexplicably is this massive head over at fox so now it's just gotten worse here's here's the thing ellen degeneres on her daytime talk show was making fun of the massingir by doing a segment called the mass dancer somebody would come out in a costume gives you know she dances the begins ratio yes someone come out in a costume and they had guest who was in the costume okay well fox love that idea so much they're taking that sketch idea now they're doing a spin off show on and fox called the masked dancer just like the mass singer this panel of quote unquote celebrities will try to guess who is dancing dancing inside the halloween i think that it's very popular amongst children and teens i think that's why does so well idiots don't forget idiots and the mentally delete damaged that really liked to watch it who could watch nick cannon host anything true and more importantly jenny mccarthy speaking talking about anything ever to my heart so massingir coming on our DVR then we shan't speaking of the bachelor adler jade is in trouble member jade and tattoed yeah jane antenna they've got two babies now do she won a giant jackpot in the draft kings fantasy football event over the weekend she won a million dollars yes she picked a lineup of players from the four NFL wild card car games and it turned out to be worth a million dollars there was the she submitted one hundred and fifty entries and one of them was the winning entry she won a million dollars and now people are saying the thing is rigged because she's a celebrity in quotes and they don't believe she.

Coming up next