Patrick's Coming Out Story


Come out to hear from Patrick who's now a successful Mike artist but he got relentlessly bullied for being gay or growing up in Northern Ireland. I identify as male And I I have an interesting journey with my gender I think because I started doing drag or Soy's drag when I was about fifteen stain kind of progressed. I moved to Manchester when I was eighteen on. I pretty much was wearing full. Face to makeup wakes clothes everything every single day. I think I am used to chester. Oh God I can do this. I'm free to to wear as much as I want. And where did you come from that? You can wear what you want. I grew up in Northern Ireland so I could and I did wanted by think I was always trying to be little bit. Respectful of my parents particularly my mom because she was a little bit uncomfortable at the time about me wearing makeup and bought me wearing weeks and and looking of the Yes. I moved to Manchester and it all sort of exploded e kind of all sort of mixed together. It wasn't really drag. I've never really done to the performances. I tried failed dressing. Dressing up was dressing up and still is for me now and I kind of stopped doing it for a very long time as my career is make posits kicked off. I didn't really have any time. I think there's a good three or four years where I didn't put any makeup on at all but now I'm at a point where I wouldn't even know what it's called I. I'm a man who is gay who likes to wear addresses woman. Sometimes but I don't see myself as a drag queen but juicy self is somewhere on the sort of gender fluid spectrum may be I guess so by just don't feel like home fits with me if you turn because everyone likes putting terms things. These days I would say gender fluid would be appropriate up you would prefer gender. Fluid suspended male. I don't really care. That's the thing that when people these conversations like I think about a lot but I don't ever think about all. This is the term that identify with the most. I'm just I'm just. I'm Patrick and some does I like to lady some days. I looked like a man. Will you go out shopping or go out and make you might just as woman? No I'm on? I think that's probably why the the line is in a sense. I'm why wouldn't see myself as being gender fluid for me? Gender fluidity is someone who I probably would have been more like eight nine years ago when I would go out house with makeup on and with silly outfits on in fact my what am I. University lecturer actually brought me into her office. University and asked me should be cool. You anything different remain is that do we give you a different name? Which would like different pronoun or anything? I thought no and I thought what she questions to ask my. I'm just wearing these clothes. I didn't understand why. Why did he was different? But looking back then I was definitely much more gender fluid whereas these days it's more just address up that's quite progressive really to serve. She was a lovely woman. What's your pronouns? So it's the right way about. Isn't it to actually ask the pers- yeah definitely definitely? I really appreciate. That looking back was a lovely thing of Helen. Do well done Helen so looking back. Can you remember the first time that you may be questioned your sexuality then to know why I think I always questioned bisexuality? Once I knew what sexuality was I knew I didn't fit into the normal. I remember having imaginary friends as really young boy and I always wanted them to be boys. I always wanted to be called Tom. Which is really weird because if my flatmate listen to this my flatmates called so I don't want him to think I have a thing for the boy called Tom. I always want to hug them. I always wanted them to be close. I remember it being because they were boys. We have family video of me when I was a kid. Really really young and our next door neighbor. Child I'm running around child's Charles like calling out for him because I was probably obsessed with and then I think I grew up and I realized what sexuality was. It was like. This is always something that I've thought I've always been attracted to boys and also the messages we getting about people that were male light boys of your school in. Belfast was yes I went to school. It's an all boys grammar. School in Belfast. Very up at south one of these kind of really wheaties for school. Everything around may was telling me that everything that I was into everything I was interested was wrong messages. Where you're hearing. I think proved very young age. I was always some other was like the victim of bullying in a sense. A growing up in Northern Ireland with a British accent With Army family and Camp. So you you were bullied for being English Bison Primary School it was always English and getting a degree because of my accents and then when I went to secondary school turned into A. You're you're gay. Boy Gameboy busted. Dumbo buster bums. The walls was always a catchphrase. That was said when people woods when I would walk down there the corridor. And how old were you I mean throughout secondary school. So from twelve onwards funny because I came out and primary school do yes. It is well. This is an early one. I asked boy to be my boyfriend in Palm. He's GonNa last year of Primary School. I come into how all that would have. Been eleven eleven. The education system is a little bit different Nolan. I think he leave a year or something later. I can't really remember that I recalled. I was very good friends with him and I found him. I won't spend my boyfriend so I asked him. I remember what he said. I gotcha I gave them a note. I remember I remember sort of slipping him tonight. What he boyfriend but I recall what happened after that however I do recall giving him a phone call after school to talk to him because we would every night and his mom picks up the phone and I said speech Cowan please. Is this Patrick. So yes said well. I've heard about this. Fancying thing the what Jamaican and she said. I need to stop disgusting for how this is coming from light. This boy's mum and this is probably one of the youngest coming has gazed. I've heard you were ten or eleven. You try to get a boyfriend boyfriend then. The mother intervene jess and that was kind of that was that because I I remember being on the phone. Remember sitting on my mom's bad being on the phone shutting down the phone. That may be thinking. Oh this is wrong because I didn't really think anything wrong. I guess at the time apartments quite just wants to boyfriend but he obviously thought something wrong with it because he went straight out his mother. I so God what happened with the friendship. I mean that was the end of primary school more or less. Oh I can't quite recall whether or not we stayed friends. We probably did stay friends but when I went to different school you know secondary school so I didn't speak to him again and then there was one boy from my primary school went to grammar school with mate and I remember saying. Don't tell anyone like about the stuff that was kind of kept hush hush and then he's not telling people but don't but not until like our second year of secondary school and then everything's coming out and then I saw his playing to little bit. Once I came to terms with my sexuality and I was afraid of. I think I've sort of jumped straight into it in the sense that I had a boyfriend. I think had my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. Thirteen fourteen and he lived around the corner from my house. So we get the school bus with each other so you did you ever have any girlfriends it right into the boys in primary school. I have so many girlfriends yoga. Yeah in fact. I really love laser device. Full circle moment recently. That my my my main girlfriend primary school I have makeup for recently mostly. Nice but they would just like playing Casey chases and primary school and yeah. It's a secondary school and I had my first boyfriend when I was about fourteen and the dramas about cost because I actually joined the cadet force and my my secondary school And he was one of the one of the sergeants and he was older he must have been bus eighteen when I was about fourteen to. Everybody obviously found out about what was that reaction. Then if they like previously recalling Ubembe boy and abusing you because you are and then they found that you actually had a boyfriend in school and the school in the catas- when I think about those that are times I think buckle news stories. You know. It wasn't all that bad. I got grief everybody. Everybody has something to say. I was ostracized from everybody apart from my very very close knit friends. But I didn't ever quite lucky in a sense I never have enough. I didn't get that much abuse a on me although to be ostracized by the majority of your school colleagues. It's got to be very alienating. Very lonely place to be as well. I think actually is probably the most difficult people some of the teachers to accept or not so. I remember one of my house shooter. Whoever he was obviously being be is to shave my eyebrows off and draw them on again. Of course course I getting a lot of people about and he looks at you. You're not really helping yourself are you. And that was his way of dealing with them. Just GonNa Suck my teeth now just very much that I think about. There's so many stories from my school The head of pastoral care at my school he told my best friend. My best friend was crazy like a piece of artwork and included a picture of the two of us in makeup and to be pulled birth bus into into the school officer. Talk about the fact that we harangue makeup in this picture and he's holding my friend Anton. The Envy's children turned out to be. He gave that he would assign them not the head of Pastoral Care School. Well he's in the wrong job. I know awful. Man Said no support tool then from anyone in terms of authority figures. Yeah but I think very much. My my school wasn't a great place to be gay and with what was this. The nineties noughties The northeast expansively. Brezler not a Northern Ireland so back in in the way I mean. They've only just got marriage. Equality abortion right. Yeah exactly Hallelujah. Thank God but they're so backward. I think of my Johnny was coming out with a little bit easier than of my friends because my family are English. Not to say the Ron. Lots of very supportive very open Irish people because of course there are but I guess my family went as religious especially my dad and I didn't really have thought that traumatic past of of living in Northern Ireland. So what stage did you come out to your parents. Bearing in mind the trying to get boyfriend at the age of ten in progress and then got one by fourteen. I'm guessing he came out quite early to them you well. I came out to my Mama earlier. My Dad moved away to Luxembourg when I was about twelve. I think he moved off work. So this basically he. He wasn't really on the on the scene so I think I was about sixteen came onto him by counts. My Mum probably about twelve thirteen and it was a conversation again. Sat on the same bad. I phoned Calgary from. I couldn't say the words I remember trying to say. I think I'm gay and not being able to say gay and saying I I tell you but I caught sight yet and Saying oh I don't know and then going through listen different questions than eventually. We got to that. She's like Oh you gay. Yes yes let's sets and okay right. I think you're a bit young. So maybe we'll have this conversation when you're older okay. So then every now and then it was a diesel thinking guy and that was. That was pretty much for my mom. I mean my mom was always quite supportive. It's my my older sister is guy I was. My sister had the real hard time coming out so I could. So she came out. I know she came out later. I came up so see is five years older than me. Okay I think she was about nineteen twenty when she came out and it was traumatic. My mom would always say my gay people. I might like gay man. I just can't stand spins. And that was her catchphrase and she's very very much the complete opposite of that now. My sister's marriage has a little boy. My mom loves my sister. I think that's just Hearn prejudice her and

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