Stop Being a Doormat!


It took me almost forty years to learn how to do this. And now i just do it all the time. I love doing it. I'm talking about learning to just say no which i have found in my travels around. The country is still one of the most difficult things in the world for women to do. Dr martha beck is here today. With the cure. Really if you will listen to her. If you pay attention and get it you can cure your disease to please or at least take big strides towards carrying it beginning today. Dr martha beck is a regular contributor to the magazine. Where i'm wearing the hat this month. In june and actually martha. I've never told you this but you are the first thing i go to an magazine you are. I love your column so much. I think you have such yours. You go to mind. Yeah what i know for sure way already know what i know for sure so i already wrote the so. I go to you every month. Because i think you have solid sounded by. She's in omega seen every month and she got her phd from harvard while raising three children. She works as a life coach and has really sound sensible advice that you can just in the instant that you read it. No that's the truth. I'm going to stop doing that. She says every woman in the country is socialized to act like a doormat. We all have been socialized that way and today you all agree right today. She is going to begin to teach us how to say no. Kelly desperately need. Martha's help kelly. Says she is so eager to please that. She spends thousands of dollars a year trying to buy people's love. Look at this. I'm a twenty nine year old single woman. I'm very very hard working in the real estate field. I own my own home. I drive a very nice car. And i make very good money and i feel like i have to buy other people's love. I am doormat when it comes to money. I just cannot say no to my friends family or any type of relationship. That i'm and i just broke up with my boyfriend of eleven years and basically i paid for everything to keep him in my life. I even found out that he was using my credit card to go to strip clubs and it was hard for me to even confront him about using my money to pay other girls to take their tops off. I finally got the courage to kick him out. But i am still paying for him to stay in a hotel till he gets some money to get. I'm a pushover with my friends. I typically pay for dinners. they don't ever asks me. I just feel like that's just my job that i need to pay to keep them in my line. I always buy the most expensive gifts from my friends. Baby showers wedding gifts birthdays. Three years ago. I loaned my friend about three thousand dollars And i i haven't even gotten five dollars back. I'm a very visual person around town. I get compliments all the time saying kelly. I've never seen upset. I always emceeing you smiling. But the fact is that when i get home is a very lonely time. I'm not happy. And i wish i could find somebody to give me something. I don't think i've ever had i don. I haven't even had a boyfriend that could afford to take me to mcdonald's. Well dr martha says that Kelly is just like a man who sleeps with prostitutes. Not exactly how it's it's more like. She's a man who has decided at the beginning that no woman can ever love him that he's not good enough and so he only plays prostitutes because he figures that way he can't lose. He pays people to pretend to love him because he does not believe that he can be left without that guys. Think prostitutes love them. No no that's the. They want the prostitute to pretend to love them. Okay but of course. They think she's doing it for the money right. And basically what kelly's doing is have you ever tried making a friendship or being in a relationship where you didn't money so what you're doing is you're starting with the theory. I'm not loveable. Therefore i will buy people's love but you're always conscious that it's bought and paid for so it doesn't feel like love to you now. What i suspect is that these people really do love you you know. I know that. I have several friends. Left you're keeping it away you see in the tape. I wish that i could find somebody that would value me. That would give things to me. Well guess what you're going to mirror you're the only one who doesn't value and you as the bad news. The good news is that as you have the power to become the someone in your life who loves and cares for you okay. So that's why we gotta work on here.

Coming up next