I Disagree with the Second Agreement and I Hope You Take It Personally by TK Coleman
I disagree with the Second Agreement and I hope you take it personally by tk Coleman of tk. Coleman DOT COM. I like to think in terms of alternatives not absolutes that is instead of adopting an either or logic for problem solving and goal achievement prefer to think in accordance with both and strategies. For example, let's consider the notion of taking things personally self help author. Don Miguel Ruiz has done a magnificent job at popularizing and articulating what is often referred to as the second agreement. Here's a summary of the idea in Ruis. His own words quote whatever happens around you don't take it personally nothing other people do is because of you what is because of themselves all people live in their own dream in their own mind. They are a completely different world from the one we live in only take something personally we make the assumption that they know what is in our world and we try to impose our world on their world and quote. I think that's a very useful idea and I found myself in some pretty lengthy discussions where I've defended it to people who absolutely to test this concept teaches own. I suppose. But as for me, my life has been a heck of a lot easier since I started practicing the second agreement as a critical thinker however, I like to keep my options open. Rather. Than treating ideas like the second agreement as dogmas to be believed in a regard them as value neutral conceptual tools whose usefulness varies with context. Sometimes I like taking things personally even when I know I'm not being personally attacked I deliberately choose to act as if I am being conspired against I usually use this idea as a psychological trick for motivating myself. As long as I can employ the take it personally technique in a way that's healthy and isn't obsessive. I derive great practical value from it. Anyone who's ever played competitive spores probably understands concept very well choosing to look at your competition as the enemy or the bad guys can be an invigorating experience. One of my favorite ticket personally stories comes from Michael Jordan before a soldout contest between the New York Knicks and their rivals the Chicago Bulls Knicks, coach Jeff Van Gundy accused Michael Jordan of being a con man who deliberately X. friendly towards opposing players in order to soften them up and gain a competitive edge over them. Van. Gundy's harsh words were printed in Chicago newspaper and Jordan. saw them before the game. He took it personally and decided to play with a chip on his shoulder for the entire game Jordan had a personal vendetta to show van Gundy just how capable he was having a great game without being nice to his opponents. He did exactly what he set out to do by scorching the Knicks for a red hot one points and one point in the game after hitting an important basket Sharon looked at Van Gundy and yelled at him. One of Jordan's team as reported that Michael Love to us, criticism and hatred as a way of motivating himself a sports commentator who knew of this habit predicted that Jordan would score fiftypoints simply because he would be fired up. I've Angolans words. US, right. Jordan took it personally and brought the best out of him interestingly enough. Here's what Jordan said after the game quote. Guess I. Didn't make any friends out there tonight Jordan smiles I. Think those words were more geared to motivating his players but I don't think on the court they have befriended me, I don't go on the court expecting to make friends. But when I leave the court, I don't take what happened on the court away from me. We're only playing a game. I don't view it as a war away from the game and quote. In a video clip. Jordan talks about how he used that moment as motivation while not letting it get to him in an unhealthy way. Jordan disagreed with the second agreement and it worked does illustrates one of my favorite metaphors for life life a game. As an all games achieving one's goals requires the use of effective strategies. A good strategist is one who remains flexible. He uses what works without ever feeling the need to assign the status of costal truth to any of the strategies in his playbook. If taking it personally works good strategists takes it personally if taking it personally leads to stress and self destructive preoccupation with what others think then it strategist stops to him personally. This attitude of philosophical flexibility can be extended to issues and belief systems. Ideas are just tools sometimes are useful. Sometimes are not which ideas of you when you use them, and how you react to the results is your job to sort out as you sorting through the ever enlarging buffet of ideas being offered in the marketplace be should remember the admonition of Terence McKenna quote nobody smarter than you and quote. You know more about what's best for you than anyone else. So don't take anybody's ideas dogmatically specially now mind think critically about everything. Then take what works for you and leave the rest.