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Episodes We Love - Emotional Abuse



Was twenty seven years old. I had just moved to Portland Oregon. I just finished hiking on the Pacific crest trail on came here to make my life a nail and I was staying for a while with a woman who was really really one of my dearest dearest friends. I met her less than a year. After my mom died and She was a few years older so almost immediately. We became Not only really close but there is this dynamic where I was essentially enamored of her and she of me. She loved me so much and I loved her so much and often people when they met us would think that we were actually lovers and she would say these extraordinary things to me like nobody will ever love you the way I love you. Sometimes I imagined myself what I was doing on the day you were born and of course not only. Is this exciting? I think for anyone to hear when they're on the other end of that kind of love but you now I can really look back and see that. I was merely needing that particular kind of love because I was an orphan I was grieving the death of my mom. I didn't have a father. I was really alone and this friend opened up her heart to me and she felt very healing to me. Even though what I've come to understand is her. Love is extremely wounding to me too. And it's taken me years to recover from their relationship. I had with her because I knew in the relationship. This was happening but later I really came to understand it and that is that it was emotionally abusive relationship and she did a lot of things that you know later. I could see more clearly. Were really not in my best interests that were really destructive and manipulative and controlling one example. And this was very The kind of beginning of the end for me is that I had just Brian my husband and we've gone out on one or two dates. I hardly know him and I came home from one of our dates and I sort of sat on my friend's bed. My exuberantly told her about this guy. Brian I just met and my friend said to me. Do you love him more than you love me and I said of course not? I don't even love him. You know I only like him I I could. Our relationship could last another three days and I could never see him again for all I knew at that point and she said we you do something for me. Just one thing. Don't see him ever again. That's what I said inside myself. Wow and I said well what do you mean? Why would I do that? And she said I just don't want you to see him again if you really love me. Why can't you do this one little thing? She was extremely articulate. And so she had this way of being able to take things that I said in sort of turn them around so they fit into her vicious that. You don't even love him you but you love me. That's exactly what she said and I could never win an argument because she was so smart and she knew how to use language. In a way that I left me feeling kind of befuddled and also the only thing I could ever say as well that just doesn't sound reasonable and what took me forever to come to grips with and I think every person who's ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship relates to this is that I couldn't see clearly what was healthy. And what was unhealthy. What was reasonable on? What was abusive and part of why? I couldn't see that clearly is. The upside was so high up. She was an extraordinary woman right. She was one of the best friends I've ever had. That still feels true. Sadly and I got really a mashed in that Thinking that she couldn't be so bad because she was so good and I did disentangle myself but it took me years to to psychologically disentangle myself Ya. I think that being in an emotionally abusive relationship. The deepest loss is the loss at the south. The loss of the ability to think clearly about not only what you want but who you even are how did you get here and I was mired in that for a long time. Well after that relationship

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