Be Your Own Valentine With Karen McGregor
You probably realized already that this is the week when you're going to hear a lot of talk about Valentine's Day and showing those around you how much you love them. But have you. You thought about being your own Valentine this year whether you're single or coupled there are things you can do to feel more fulfilled in your relationships and with yourself Karen. Earn McGregor is a leadership expert and bestselling author of several books including her upcoming release. The towel of influence. She joins us this week to talk about. How are we can change our approach to love and relationships to find greater joy. CAIRN welcome to live happy. Now thank you so much for having me here. This is such a great time to talk to you because we're getting a lot of messages about love this month. Today's topic we're talking about how to be your own Ballantyne but before all the married people in a couple of people shut off. I think we should point out that. We're not just talking about single people right even. If you're in a relationship you need to learn how to be your own Ballantyne absolutely. I think it's so important that we really look within and see what is it that bothering us. And and what is it that not okay within us the potentially could affect our relationship with our loved one or if single and we tend to. You may not do that as much as we should. We tend to look what we want from the other person more than looking inward back out what we need to be presenting that true that so true. Yes I think most of us when we get into a love relationship or when we're seeking someone someone as a mate. I think that we generally tend to make long list of requirements. That really really need to be met in order for us to be happy and since you know your show is all about that. I really WANNA point out that. That's probably the biggest mistake that I've seeing people make. And I've I've made it myself is to really have increasing number of preferences so as an example when you live with with someone you may find over the years that you just have more and more preferences about the way they act the way they talk the way they walk and and you know in the work that I've done with my book. The Dow vins weren't always say that if we want to be truly influential in the world if we want should be true leaders in the world. We have to come from a place of not meeting anything to happen in order to be people filled and happy. Yes we're going to do. Things are going to take action. But we don't actually need it out of some lacquer fear within so I think that's really key. We change that perspective. What then happens because I know a lot of times. What you're looking for comes to you when you stop looking and when you start accepting your moment. Is it kind of like that. When you stop making this list of demands Chroma partner you get really well. I think the first thing thing is getting back to your theme is that you really do become happier more fulfilled person the catch. I find sometimes with people who talk about the law of attraction is that you never want to do something as the transactional behaviors. If you say well. I'm going to overlook that my husband doesn't pick up his talk 'cause I'm a bigger person than that. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to have her filled happy state. Because now you've put it in your mind that you're going to rise above this but really. It's it's almost like creating a new checklist of these are the things I'm not going to do. In order to get this result and the same thing with law of attraction I think if we come from a place of lack and fear and pushing and transaction. Then we're always hoping for the greater result that I agree with you that when we let go of all of that when we really focus on internal happiness and not needing anything from anyone else truly not needing anything when we get there. You're then you're absolutely right. Our life flows things. Come to us and you'll myself personally financially. Things their way better her when I don't hang onto preferences and needs and things like that so I think that's really the key to successful relationships. You know speaking of Valentine Day and it's one thing to understand that that makes sense it's another thing entirely to put it into action because it's not necessarily I nature to just say all right I'm not going to obsess on that. So how do we start living that way being able to accept except ourselves and being able to accept where we are and that we don't need other element we don't need other person. Yes well I think the first thing is and thank you for asking because the how to always so important isn't it you talk about it but we do need the. How'd you the first first thing for me is to become committed to the practice of watching my thought and how my thought get triggered into the emotion and more thoughts and then I get stuck on that thing. That's bothering me and so for me. The biggest practice that I've done that made such a huge difference. In part of my book is to really see how an initial thought ought can get carried away in to all of the emotion and more thoughts. So once you observe yourself getting into. Let's say you know you don't like what someone has said to you. And maybe it's a loved one or you're single and somebody said some insensitive thing and when you hear hear that initially most people are going to go to their old runes about the am not good enough and this whatever this person said is proving it and subconsciously subconsciously. We do it consciously but it comes out as a hurt and so we feel that hurt and then the next what in our head is usually either defensive or withdrawn so we usually lean in to try and defend ourselves and get what we want or we run away and escape escape that which we don't want so it's one of the two typically and so when you watch yourself lean in in order back away based on that initial thought you can actually and this was true. Actually stop it in that moment and how you stop. It is also a practice. You might come down and you'll be right uh-huh and so her knee. I actually find that. It helps first of all to be gentle on myself. You know this is something that's GonNa take for most people if they're committed to it. It'll take years of practice not just overnight but I find even within two three weeks. The people have remarkable changes. If they keep up the practice right so you just breathe in and you watch and you visualize your thought. Almost moved like they could be an object floating down a river and you just watch them float down the river and then when the next one comes you watch that float down the river as well well and for some people like myself you know. I really enjoy the art of meditating. You know and so that he if you have a moment just quiet time to breathe and allowed. US got to float down the river. That's wonderful for some people. It's more movement committee so as you're watching yourself. Let go with the thoughts. You're running or you're exercising or something to get rid of the energy it has presented itself a Lotta people spend years and years and therapy. I'm certainly not against it. I just feel that everybody I've met. We all have ruined. Some of US have learned to cope with them really well but I feel that the best practice for for all of us is to start to be aware that we don't need our mind to control us. We need to control our mind the other other way around.