Benita, Cuiaba, Cohen discussed on The Emotional Happiness Podcast with That Anita Live
Get your free copy at that Benita live dot com slash people. And we're back with Cuiaba going through her emotional rollercoaster story of. Living life in a major metropolitan area. Because what she went through is not a loner story is not a one of a kind story. But we are here today to make sure that as the view is watching as you are here. You learn and we all. Do better is when you learn better, you do better. Now, you mentioned earlier that forgiveness is not a switch that you flip in walkaway from. But it's something that has to be managed on a regular basis. How did you get to a place of forgiveness for everything that you've been through? That place was actually behind bars when I was in a sale looking at the fifteen thirty years that I was supposed to be sent his with. I was upset and I was angry with God. Because I did everything that my grandmother told me to do if I prayed to God, then he would answer me if I got on my knees, if I cried out to him that he will make everything. Alright. And in that moment of being angry with him. There was a quiet voice in my ear because I was upset. I was just screaming like you left me. You left me? And that voice it I didn't leave you you left me. And so you have a lot of reflection time especially in prison where there's nowhere to go. And so I just started the really think about it. Because when I heard you left me, I'm trying to figure out what do you mean that I left you, and I had left from serving the life that he wanted me to serve going and going. Opposite direction. And so it had started to look at everything for an example, being the alternative lifestyle was a choice that I may because I really didn't like men and it was because of my dad not because they weren't interested in me. It was because I didn't have that relationship that I wanted with my father, and then I looked at. Okay. Well, I blamed my father for this. And then I blame my father for that. And I blamed him for all of these other things people have actions. But how we react is. What matters. Yes. And so if I continue to react to his actions, then I'm no better than he is. I'm no better than the next person. And so what I had to do is realize that I had to let that go. So that I could move on. I had to understand that they were not actions because of what he did. Yes. People do things all the time. Somebody might hit your car that doesn't mean you haul off and hit them when they get out the car. No you understand. An accident. And I believe truly in my heart that it was not my father's plan to be distant or separate out of my life. But I've happens, and I had to realize that for every action that he outplayed that I had to make my own reaction, and it could not be want to get back at him. And so from learning that I had to I forgive myself because I was the one who chose to do the things that I know I chose to pick up the drugs, I chose to be particular technique or activity that you did that helped you get to a place of forgiveness. So when I look back at it now, and the tools that I used to help other women and men as I you got to reveal it. And that's what I did. When it when I was in that sale. I was thinking about everything that I had gone through. And then you have to get to a stage where you have to release it in my releasing was okay, God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being upset with you. I'm sorry for the decisions that I made. So it's an mittens you have to mid. In order for you to release it. And then I had to regain my confidence. Because how many of us have been in any type of relationship or situation ship? I like to call it sometime that you feel that your lack in that area. And that you can't go on if you've been in a relationship where somebody's broken your heart. Now, you're frayed to actually love again. So you have to regain confidence all over again in that area to know that hey, I am where the being love. And there is that person that's out there for me. So it's revealing releasing every gaining your confidence. How do you help people do that? So we go through a series of steps, and I talked to people, and they want to tell me everything that's happening today. And when I listened to them, I'm like, okay. So we need to go back there. Okay. Because that's typically were everything begins. There was a person that I was talking to dealing with her. She was in a domestic violence relationship. And I'm straight straightforward. I told her, you know, you come to me because you want help and I want to be that person for you. But there are some things that you're going to have to do you're gonna have to make the decision the conscious. And that's what forgiveness is actually making a decision deciding today that you will no longer being that stuck place. And so I told her I said within your relationship there are several things that can happen. You can continue to be in this relationship and be abused. You can either be so upset that something happens. And that you abuse them. Then you can be in a situation where you're going to jail because of it then you can be in a situation where you die. Which person enough forget the other situation. It can be the one that you walk away and you're moving towards new life. What person do you wanna play in this row? She says she wasn't ready. And so this like I said going back to it. It's a decision. So the first thing that we have to do in any place in any measure of this is to decide because I can talk to you all day long about what happened back then was happening right now. But if you have not made the conscious decision say, I'm moving forward. There's no where we can go. So that's the number one thing that told that I give somebody to make that conscious decision to be ready. You have to be ready get yourself, and I go back to looking at everything that happened to me. I was mentally concentrated before. I had even met the bar. Okay. Hold on break that down. Tell us what that means, mentally and concentrate is the place that you put yourself in the mindset that you put yourself in the lack mindset. I'm not worthy. I am. I'm not beautiful. You know, when I look in the mirror. Oh, I don't like the way my body looks. You put yourself in that place. Why not say, oh, I am beautiful. Oh, I'm going to change the way that my body looks. That's changing your mindset, giving you a new spirit a new life. It's like a putting on putting on an anointing on your face. Right. I go back to church because I am faith-based. When you go to church, you don't walk into church sometimes with the anointing on. No. Once you get into it. You start walking in it. Because if we did we wouldn't eat thirty to forty five minutes appraising, worship, we got into guest. You to get into that place. Right. You have to walk into their hair. And then as long as you continue continuously do it, then anointing will come. Okay. So now, let's get into blessed hand. Yes. Your latest book. Yes. This latest. Note that I just came out with one it's a mental health Cohen. It's not that easy. Stop telling me to get over it. That's a book collaboration that launched last month. Okay. A pathway to forgiveness. Yes. Blessed hands tell us what is what does this book about? So that book is merely six situations in my life that I had had to overcome f forgive myself in and one of those stories which stood out which is standing out strong to me today. It's called heaven's angel. And that is a story about an abortion it I hadn't why is standing out to me day. It's because all my travel here. It was literally the same direction. Like when I got to the area the facility of where we are. Now. I'm like, I remember the street. I remember the street, and it was taking me back to that place. You see on television where people, and this is something that I'm still working through you see on the television. Where people have the signs saying, you know, don't kill the baby you're going to hell this third. And so in that story, I share how I made the conscious decision to aboard and child and within that it was not just because I didn't want it. I just gone through a C section didn't wait with me. And my husband, we didn't wait. And you know, then it ended up having to we got pregnant, and so I was faced with challenges of not having a healthy child or me, not you know, being because everything wasn't healed properly yet. And so and I had dealt with postpartum depression. So I was already in this place. And I I really didn't want to be a mother. I love my. Done. But I didn't want to be a mother and to hear that I'm going to have to do this all over again. And the way that the surgery and everything I was just like I can't do this again. And so I made that decision. And when I did I went in I wasn't far loan. So I was able to take a pill, and they said that I would have to come back, and I was really upset about having to come back to deal with this all over again. It's a lot just to get there that point and that point in time, and so I had to come back. And when I came back, they told me that the baby was still there. I could still carry to term, but it will be deformed. Because partial of her brain was gone, and I say her because I know it was a her. I don't care what anybody says, I knew my son was a son, and I know that she was a sheet. So it just brought back memories of that. And I'm still working with forgiving myself in the book is the first time that I've shared it that book came out actually, January two thousand nineteen and so I had I had to release it. I'm continuing to release it. But the biggest part of me is that I bought it. Somebody's destiny. And so I think that's the part that hurts so much. But okay. 'cause that can take me to a whole 'nother place. Okay. What advice would you give somebody that's going through that?