A highlight from #128: [Mentor Moment] How do we help extended family have respect and compassion for our foster childs birth family?

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Adoptive and foster moms. I'm lisa qualls and this is melissa. Corkum don't worry we get it and we're here for you. Today is mentioned moments episode where we answer listener question. These episodes give you a chance to join the conversation and guarantee were providing the most helpful tools and resources for exactly where you are. This week's question is how do we help. Extended family have respect and compassion for our foster child's birth family. I think we have to begin with making sure that they have some understanding. Really of what foster cares in the first place. Why do children come into care. Will he come into care because for whatever reason and there are many reasons their parents are unable to care for them properly at that time and i liked speak really positively about the fact that yes is so hard for these parents to have their children in care but while their children are in care they have an opportunity to do whatever work as needed in order for them to become safe parents for their kids to come home. So i always want people to understand that. I before i tried to explain anything more. Just what is foster care. And that as a foster mom you. When i was fostering that i was really a bridge for my child to kind of come. Come to me and crossover and go back to her family. That was the goal. yeah absolutely. So i think education's really important. I think right in the moment if i was faced with maybe a comment or something that didn't reflect the way that i've learned to have compassion and respect her birth parents. I would probably turn it around to myself in a in order to teach so you know i might say something like yeah i am with you. I totally used to think that before. I understood more about trauma in the way trauma affects the brain and different behaviors. And how important it is to. Have you know really good attachment and really good stay relationships you know in order to do the things that we all think think are kind of the adult adulting responsible and talk about my own transformation journey of a bean where you know. I might have had some judgmental thoughts or misconceptions about whose kids were bean placed in the foster care system and then kind of use my story. My experience as the way to teach. But then i learned about these things and so that really helped me have a better understanding of why you know apparent might not be able to care for the child or how it was so cyclical how you can go back. Generations sometimes seen multiple generations of a family being in and out of care right because many people whose children go into foster care probably most were not raised in healthy safe environment themselves.

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