Harry, Sally, Doug Chocolate discussed on Still Buffering
A. Sarah says I am sophomore in high school, and I had a huge friend group last year long story short a lot of them turned out to be kind of awful and spending time with them makes me really tired impressed. Rated they still think of me as a friend. I don't know how to tell them that. I don't want to be around them anymore. How do I break up with a toxic front? That's a tough question. That's that's hard to do. That's hard to do. No matter. What age you are? Yeah. But I think especially when you're younger because your friends I mean, well, this is not necessarily when you're younger, but I think so much of your world is defined by your friends because like year there with you at school, probably and so much like your interactions and your schedule, and like the things you do are all defined by those moments that you're with or not with your friends. Yeah. It's a lot harder than when you're an adult and you live in your own house, and you go where you wanna go. And if you don't wanna see your friend anymore. You just don't. Yeah. I mean, even just like college like I was thinking about that a lot like there were maybe some people I spent time with throughout the school that I wouldn't have if we just met in college or not in a school setting because like you are forced to be around them. And you know, you have to kind of create your entire world and high school around the people you spend time with it can get lonely. If you don't if you're a lot of people you want to find other people, so. You're kind of you know, made to pick from who you're in school with that loneliness made me strong strong. But I know what actually. I would agree with that. I mean, that's the thing. Like, I did not a lot of friends in high school. But really like, and they were points where decided like look like, maybe I could sacrifice things about myself to have more people like me, but that means him sacrificing things about myself, and it's the harder road walk when you're on your own. But ultimately, if it means that I'm not changing myself or denying parts of myself to be agreeable to other people like I don't ever want it to come to that. But if it comes to that, then that's I think, that's okay. I think like, you know, the idea of toxic friend is crazy because friend should never be toxic. If it's someone knocks. They're not your friend, your friends people who like what is what is the definition of a friend someone who accepts you someone who who loves you. So who has your back, and if those people aren't that, then, you know, they're not friends to begin with and being alone. Always harder. I'm never gonna say. Yeah. Go it alone. Because sometimes, you know, for she'll sheer like like strength, you need to have people in your corner. And you'll sacrifice some parts of yourself to have people in your corner. But you know. Ultimately like. If you know somebody's toxic for you. It's not a matter of it's a friend that sock. It someone who's toxic and you need to do whatever you can to get away from them. Yeah. I mean for sure and and I would I would look at it this way. It's not like, you know, if the relationship is bad, you're not hurting them by not being their friend anymore yet because. Yeah, you're getting nothing from this relationship. And as a result, I guarantee that it's not like it's not like you're sending off vibes that like, but everything's cool. And I love you and everything I mean, I guarantee this other person knows it's a it's a bad relationship. So it's not like you're not letting them down or harming someone. It's a bad relationship. It's not good for you. You know, it's not going to be good for the other person either. It's for the best that you don't be in that relationship anymore. Yeah. Which is true. Whether it's a friendship or romantic are, always true. Right. You totally like, yeah. Like, if you're not being taken care of cherished than it's thought, a it's not a friendship is not a relationship and you're harming no one by extricating yourself in. You know, it doesn't even have to be like. I don't know like something that that is obviously like very hurtful or is outwardly like hard like maybe even said near question being around them makes you tired and frustrated like doesn't off if being around someone doesn't bring you joy, just say like, hey, maybe we should just like take some time hang out with each other. Like, you know, like just taking time apart from someone who makes you feel that way isn't is in bad like do as good for you. I had to do similar thing in high school just like a group of people who maybe they, you know, I'm not saying that is the same in any way. But maybe people who just like bad people but worked for me and just weren't good for people for me to have friendships with. And I basically told him like nothing against you. All you aren't bad people this trend. Just isn't what's good for me right now? And where I am and being around you all doesn't make me feel better. And it should. And that that's a really I mean like I. I agree with you that that is if you can say that if you have that in you to look at a friend group and say that I think that's great to be honest and forthright about it. I would say that high school Sydney probably didn't have that. I I don't think I could have done that. And so I think it's perfectly acceptable. Because at that age. Everybody is figuring themselves out in the process, you end up hurting other people constantly, I think it's perfectly acceptable to say. Like, I think I'm just gonna eat lunch somewhere else today. And then just don't stop replying to text messages. And when pe- when they make plans, just don't come. Don't hang out like I think it's okay to just fade away a little bit and not make some giant declaration. If you're not comfortable with it. Just because while I think it's great to always be honest. If we're gonna pretend like the teenage years are exactly like adult years. Yeah. And everyone is mature and can interact on mature. Adult level. I mean, obviously, not that's not the way it works. And we'd rather like you were saying like people maybe you don't get along with him. But they can get along with each other. Like, I feel like an adult awareness that is important to have when you're like to maybe consider what you're younger. It's like, it's like, you know, how like, hey, we humans love chocolate dogs is they can't eat chocolate because it soccer to them. Sometimes that's people sometimes the people that like love and relate to each other and get along with each other are absolutely dog chocolate for other people like just because you don't get people doesn't mean they're bad people. And it's good to not draw those lines like in your head like, they're bad. There's something wrong with that. Like just understand like you're gonna find your people. They're gonna find their people. It doesn't mean that any of your bad people. It's just that sometimes personalities don't relate like, that's that's that's something. I didn't realize until like adulthood, like just because someone doesn't get me or I don't get them. Does it mean that one of us has to be bad? It just means that. One of us is Doug chocolate for the other. Only the deal in absolute. Well. That's true though. One of us is dog chocolate. Dialing to jet Star Wars with. I've love it. Great weight the dog chocolate in this conversation. None of us are chocolate for each other. I think we're all people chocolate peanut butter dogs love peanut butter. That was also a very light. When Harry met Sally reference that I don't expect anyone to ever get on planet earth, by the way. You've got it though, sit. And then he told everyone about it. So someone else will probably get it once you help. So somebody out there was like all that was kind of a I like dog in this company. Ten people got my my my fray reference. Somebody's going to get your when Harry met Sally reference.