Hawaii, Doctor Judy, China discussed on Dr. Judy WTF
Forth with the contact and no contact. I'm not saying it's permanent but my daughter has turned against you now. I feel like my mom has been trying to sabotage my relationships from my fiance and my daughter even my best friend of thirty years. I stopped speaking with her. Because she's more on team You know and this is not a typical. This is an example of passive aggressive. I can't think of a more. A sad example goes behind your back. Poisons you to other people right significant other people like your your daughter and and and people close and then You don't you self know how to defend yourself because you don't really know what she said so well. She's actually been confusing me. Doctor Judy about my fiance by trying to convince other people and try to convince me that he had something wrong with him. He was a control freak on the puppet. He's assists because I confront a mother in the past which I know now. Never confronted narcissist. You gotta get the rage. It's just my next topic by the way I'm going to go into narcissistic rage. Okay but but you could see now you have flying monkeys right. You've got your daughter and other people that are agents of your mother. They've been contaminated. They've been you know it's so sad all I can think of. Now is is is is how that's psycho virus is really a metaphor. And you know. Now we're all in it as a human race with this corona virus and it's spreading and this multi generational psycho virus has been epidemic for for centuries a now we're starting to bust it. Okay so your mother infects your daughter and then your daughter Looking at you with a cracked lens of perception and instead of going to directly and saying mom you know I want to check something out grandma said Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. Did you release say that? Or why would you say that matter what's going on so everything is now subterfuge okay? Which she's been what she's been doing trying to put the blame on my fiancee. She's been trying to convince my children that he is the narcissist something. What do you do you like? Your fiance is a good person. I love him. I love him and mother actually had me so confused in for some time to where I felt like I was losing the mind but now ever since moved out and I'm looking back and I see that my fiance's the one who's been telling the truth. My mother was the one China. 'cause all of this chaos while my daughter is brainwashed at this moment well for sure narcissistic injured. People do not like anyone else. Usurping the throne no way okay. So Baquerizo if you're in love and love your fiance. That's really bad news for your mother. Because she's not number one anymore so all right what she gonNa do about that Like a good sports person. They're going to try to. They're going to try to grab the ball and run with it. So they're gonNA try to take down your your lovely of a fiance right and an poison. Poison your mind against him so that you can go running back to mom. What's the likelihood of that happening? That's exactly what happened. 'cause I did leave him for a week at one time and Straits arps okay so she succeeded but how come you're not doing it round two or three or four. Because what's going on. I see the truth now. Okay okay so I'm glad you're waking up. I'm so glad you're waking up because this is how Things get really ruined. I know have one more conscious going to try to bust through couple of things. Okay so stay with me for a minute. And then of course you know you're free to call me at the psychological healing center and But definitely you're not falling for it like you used to so narcissistic rage is something that was coined by Hinds Co who in his book analysis of the Self. In nineteen seventy two. I'm going to bust through this but I'm going to revisit. The topic. Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury. A threat to self worth self esteem so Don't confuse anger with rage. It's different and here. He says why do people go into narcissistic rage? Causes CHALLENGED CONFIDENCE. Injury to self esteem below. Which is shame and a an exposure of a false self which feels very very unlovable. Very very weak okay. So this is these are the stages so sometimes narcissistic rages explosive. Where people just I get angry could be passive aggressive sulking silent treatment pretending they are invisible getting back at you behind your back and they're seven stages than all. I'll I'll probably take one more call by want you to hear this okay stress. This is. What the person's going through I. They feel stressed. There's subconsciously angry. Then they get anxious and you could see the subway subtle pews and then they get agitated and show displeasure and then they get irritated a little more displeasure and they get frustrated and they start scowling and having harsh words and then they get angry in their speech gets louder and then they lose it losing their temper to rage aggression The narcissists do not go through the seven stages like other people do usually other people. They have a band with of emotions so they might escalate but people with a weak core sense of self. Will I really quickly soul bill escalate? This they'll go from one to seven quickly and the passive aggressive one will do it. But the the methodology may be a little bit different. And so I just wanted you to hear this so please be in touch with me and don't let your mother Poison poison the relationship with your fiancee. And hopefully your daughter will have a chance to have a real talk. Okay now I really do. I want to let you know. I have your book and I've been watching you podcasts. And you'd have been much help for me a really. I really appreciate you telling me that. Thank you very much. Thank you DR J. Welcome good night. Thank you okay. I know we have one more callers there. One more caller. Okay Yeah Hi. You are on the couch. And what is your name please? Hi Dr Judy. My name is molly. Hi Marlene Nice to meet you where you calling from calling from Hawaii okay. I hope that it's beautiful and warm and when it's time to travel again. I sure would love to go to Hawaii particularly courier Maui. Don't tell me that you make on Co wire. Maui do you I do live on Hawaii. It's amazing totally cellist. That's my favorite part. I know I know I know. Well you just set up some mind map therapy and coli. I'll be there okay. Not a problem. You know what we could use that. We do that as soon as this is over. And if there's a group of people that want that I'm all in okay so so just tell me a little bit about what. What brings you to this topic and I know we just have a few minutes but go ahead pick my brain in the last few minutes of this go for it. Okay all right well Everything that you say about aggressive narcissists the silent treatment that inability to deal with problems. The blame the Aggression when you confront them with behavior they don't WanNa hear right It's my boyfriend and it took me a long time to see what it really was. I was affecting our relationship. And and you know it's affecting our daughters to Do they really have no idea what they're doing? Because my boyfriend seems to be completely oblivious or is it just don't care that's a really great question I I've actually had this unpleasant experience myself. And all I still fell into the trap I've had covert narcissists of had overt narcissists. I guess I have to kind of be careful myself and I think I've gotten wiser as I've gotten older But to they knock here I really don't think they have a capacity for empathy. They're more interested in what's in it for me. They're more interested in power and control. They're they're not not interested in. How do you feel about that that that does not at all not cross their mind saw? I would go in the direction of that. But they'll act as if they care but the size are the Silencer. Always there that there's a shallowness and inability to really be interested in what you're truly saying fell. Listen to let it. You know like hurry up. Ready get it sets. I could say what I want to say and you know. Don't bother me with your thoughts and feelings and ideas. I don't WanNa hear him south Completely that's what pleased me into the whole thing was. He couldn't listen to. That was the first feeling of something wrong. The inability to listen and It carried on you know not being able to say. I'm sorry being able to resolve issues in our relationship anytime there's a problem. Are you still with this person? Well you know I'm trying to kind of end it because I see that. There's no positive solution to get anything better. Nothing's going to get better because he's unable to see what he's doing but I can't seem to get him to to a perspective down trees and not come out. I'M GONNA turn it on. Turn it around on you. Okay so just hope you take this with you know in good spirit. It's not that Yeah it's it's the other way around your allowing for him to come in. Okay so I guess so right so start like he has the know how to do it. You don't know how to do it. Which is understanding me neither. Yeah so you have feelings about him and you know maybe they're they're all kinds of feelings. There are complicated. It's just that at some point. You have to make up your mind that you know you don't really you're not really doing a one. Plus one equals three. If you look at panel number seven that's the synergy panel and that's the panel that right Lex A sharing and caring relationship with light and if he's vampire he's manipulating you. If he's taking away from you get out. You don't have with exactly. Have you been with him right? Well it's been about eight years but he was incarcerated for a number of times so he's just recently been on our lives Me and my daughter's For the past two two and a half years I guess. I don't like the feeling of disappointment when he comes. They want him to stay. So it's Kinda think about where I cave into him being here and you know it doesn't take long before it ends in disaster and I'm telling him to lease seriously no. I'm being really serious because one of my my wish things is. I WANNA get into the school system. I'd love to get it into the prison system and people who end up in prison or because they're very wounded and so they And on the other side of things but what I want to say to you. Is that the healthier you get the less you tolerate and I definitely I can. I can own up to this that the healthier. I've gotten the less attracted I am to people who are not giving me lights and at this point I'm almost repelled by it it's just like I don't have the time I don't have the the the the emotional energy to give to non givers don't have it in me to give to people who lack empathy so consider that okay. Consider getting yourself in that position and so what so. You are going to be disappointed. They'd be a lot more disappointed if they ended up with him as a stepfather and and him role modeling Gad. He's there he's down there. Okay I'll let it be there great. Let them be their dad. Let him be their dad from. But he doesn't have to hurt you and ruin your life. Okay right so just to be that. Yeah definitely. I'll stop advice giving advices not so helpful. You have to get to that point where you just you know you wanNA maybe step back and you know regroup on this okay so anyways see that it is exactly nine o'clock and thank you so much for calling in and And be in touch. Let me know how it goes and read the book work on panel five your boundaries okay. Boundaries okay do. We have a minute for shrinking a tune. Yeah Okay I'll go for it all right. It's called gas lighter by request. And it's by the dixie chicks I love the title gas lighter. Gas Lighter deniers didn't do doing anything to get your ass Further gas lighter big timer. Repeating all the mistakes of your father. There's that multi generational thing so we moved to California as we followed your dreams your dreams snow not even other people's dreams or co dreams. I believed in the promises. You made me swear that night till death do us apart but you lie lie. Lie Why because this I chose the song. Deserve represents passive aggressive. So they'll do anything to get their way and esteem themselves even at the price of other people gas slider denier. Don't do anything to get your ass farther. You don't do anything in other words. They're the kind of passive but Phil Acta Zeph their their grandiose repeating all the mistakes of your father gas slider you broke me. You're sorry but where's my apology? Well as we talked about. They're incapable of of making apologies because they have no ability to suffer flecked. You thought I wouldn't see it if you put it in my face. Give you all my money. You'll gladly walk. So there's the vamp hiring inability to suffer flagged inability to apologize and ability to consider other people's dreams and setting people up to go crazy so that's gas letter. The dixie chicks. Thank you everyone for calling in grab a free. Pdf of my book. Be The cause healing human disconnect M. I. Mind Map video series is still at that discounted rate of ninety five dollars. I think we're holding it through Saint Patrick's Day. Okay see you next time and please stay healthy and wash your hands. Good night everyone.