Thursday as this is first released which means it is time for another happy hour slash kind of unhappy our an open space discussion. I like it. I like it. Yes and with that being said the rare trigger warning in these brief mentions of sexual trauma and eating disorders very very brief. But just wanna put that in there also as drink responsibly. If you choose to do so we would love for you to join. 'as and just take a moment to relax however that means to you the mantha. What are you sipping on. You know what. I'm keeping it easy. I got a truly hard lemonade. I love their lemonades. I don't know it just feels so lake refreshing during the hot weather. Hot air conditioning. Off in a selena and it's humid so gross but i don't like the ray you eliminate so factor sparkle it up with some flavoring. I put a little raspberry flavor so it's raspberry. Lemonade nice yeah So i'm keeping at shell very i did. I like big fancy. I fancied it up to i mean i can't remember the name of this cocktail and it's very basic one but it whiskey and fresh women and i leave out the because i'm fine with it and then a little bit of ginger and nutmeg and it is so delightful of sparkling water a lot fans sparkle's Me to you so today since it is pride month. We thought that we'd kind of do a check in on me. Yes and what's been going on with me. Is i've been trying to get more comfortable with claiming sexual orientation and how identify and especially with added layer working through trauma that i've experienced both from a really young age and at multiple formative periods of my life which makes me feel really insecure uncertain and accepting this part of myself which is not a great way to feel. But that's been through the pandemic. And i know some of you. Listeners have written about this of having these questions and and for me. This has been a time of being really mindful. And i have done a lot of work through therapy and trying to figure out these pieces of myself and why react in certain ways so a lot of that work has been done in nyc continued to do but i still have like real insecurity around all of this in another thing is i have experienced pain because of how i identify but most of it was confusion and trying to fit in feeling wrong or other third which is something i could do and did easily do but it's also something i could hide and compensate for us so i don't feel great about claiming the queer level even though i'm positive i am and it's like that feeling of you haven't suffered enough. Which is kind of a messed up way to think. But i think a lot of people can connect to feeling feeling at the same time. Maybe i haven't been open enough about it when it's really nobody's business. But at the same time. I feel like i should be visible to help stigmatize and hopefully provide an example to someone younger who is struggling and i have felt like experience of being raised even from within the lgbtq plus community. And that's been painful. I don't think he knew how to put it into words before you'd have this moment of like. Oh yeah.