Sally, Kate, Six Months discussed on The Struggle Bus: Self-Care, Mental Health, and Other Hilarious Stuff

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Felt really really phoned in and then either it tapered offer I got used to it and I just I started like I was just like I know I didn't get it and like oh it's just you know when you think about Rhonda Mars like for me like one thing that I've it's just I don't know what better opinions Catherine is that too much to ask ask the very thing to say and then I'm GonNa stop talking because I've been talking to what is that and I just content note these I'm going to mention sexual assault very briefly but please fast word like her case and I'm just reading it it's beautifully written it's incredibly hard weeks she's the one who was assaulted by Brock Turner the as she was talk about a thing we did for self care let's talk about a thing we did for self care you go first because I'd been talking a lot no no no you've been not talking interior design gave me some amazing being advice that's awesome yeah I was yeah she's incredible end size WanNa say thank you betsy you really helped me out a lot and it was a a game ranger as a nice that's the you're the bet bets bet that that doesn't work no matter how hard you I see the best fettes tests I don't know how to we yes sir thank you betsy okay would you do so the thing I did is I went the fucking dentist when I cannot tell you how much I hate going to the dentist and I don't think that makes me interesting or unique because I think like a lot of people don't like going to the dentist and I I actually often think about how dentists and ophthalmologists probably like just things can get rougher them because people go in dreading having their teeth cleaned having cavities filled in having their eyes dilated and so if you're Davidson trae situation yeah exactly I also recently had my eyes Elliott it don't get me started on that the dentist I try to make myself go I think your spouse go every six months or whatever and so I finally did and it was fine like my dentist it was great but also it's just terrible Catherine I just I wish dental technology would advance to the point where when they take x rays you don't have to shove something in my Ma that's the size of a soccer ball I just double thing is incredibly on that happened to me as well because I have a situation so yeah I get that God anyway all right that's the that's the dentist that's hey that's the tweet that yeah should we read an email since we do on the show you know it's been an hour or so yes couldn't couldn't hurt so do you think that we should choose a name for this person that s has to what are watching right now well we actually are rewatching the wire ooh which I I have really mixed feelings about because there are so many shows that are currently on that I really feel like I need to be watching so watching something that I've already seen I don't know I'm doing it Katherine what are you watching Okay I'm watching party down again God that's so good yes yes oh my God and I had you say what is her name hold on a second well lizzy Caplan is in crowd yeah but Jane Lynch Godly we should name this person Jane Lynch because she is okay so this email is constance and just a content note for emotional abuse. Hi Sally and Kate so I went to church today for the first time in a hot second and in the middle I started getting extreme anxiety I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder because when I was sitting there it reminded me of emotionally abusive. My ex-boyfriend was to me he was an extreme Christian who played guitar in the Church every Sunday went to youth group every week consistently was preaching and praying with me which was amazing I want to say no hurt feelings about religious people think it's amazing when people are that firm in their faith I just think it's something that you need to know and understand why I'm feeling the way I am any who my ex boyfriend was also incredibly emotionally abusive he was controlling he needed to know where I was all the time told me who I couldn't couldn't talk to he told me I wasn't allowed to talk to my best friends anymore because they were male and not female what I couldn't couldn't wear and what music I could listen to that being said I pretty much told him I was my own Jason he wasn't the boss of me and then I could do what I wanted his response was always twisted in the sense that he would use God against me by telling me that's not what good Christian girls do so of course young naive Christian constants who is trying to find her relationship with God listen to this asshole change vast majority of who I was in the process now whenever I go to church and around people who remind me of this guy that control the year of my life I have anxiety attacks I guess my question is how can I get over this dread of going some I love what is the best way to get this assholes abuse as far away from me as possible so I can be a bad ass Christian who causes a little and then in parentheses a lot MHM Catherine was you are crushing it constantly this is a really you're self aware you you know what's going on and I personally am not religious but I do really respect religious people I think that whatever works for you is your thing and I elite respect that I am so sorry this happened to you that being said I wonder I have certain associations with things that remind me of people used to date as well it may not be religious specific but there's Times where you just don't want to watch that TV shows are you just don't want to listen to that song because it reminds me of that person I I wonder if there's a way in which you can find and a different church or another way in which to worship that would help you not be triggered by the person but at the same time it's okay I think to take a step back if you need to and understand that it doesn't mean you're a bad Christian and it doesn't mean you're a bad person sally stomach sense yeah totally I think it it definitely makes sense yeah I mean I think like one of the reasons I was drawn to this email this time is because I've been thinking what about missing Brooklyn and what it what it means to feel connected to a place and I've been thinking a lot about how I really really didn't like living in New York overall but I really loved a lot of living in Brooklyn and I loved like the routines that I had established and the places that I loved so and everything like even Catherine like I went to a wedding in Brooklyn this weekend and I was as you know and like who was nearby like where you live and thought about like taking the train super duper early in the morning over to your apartment and like watching the sunrise and like record with you and I was like Oh man like I love the so much anyway I'm saying all that to say like associations that we have to places are really strong and really intense and I think that they do go away and time and like I know after just from having breakup non from non abusive relationships that it takes a second to want to like you know it's like I I remember like feeling like I had to reclaim like a coffee shop I used to my ex all the time so that when I went in there I was don't like constantly thinking about the relationship in the break up and you know for a while I couldn't go there and then I would go there and like do things and then eventually I was like Oh this is just my place this is just go this isn't about this relationship that ended and so some of that I think is like that is like kind of reclaiming a space and making your own again but I also think that like when there's Emma involved it's it's not as easy as just like you know having a stiff upper lip and like walking in and reclaiming place because especially if you're having like a panic reaction which you are constants from what you describe in Silica I'm wondering if like I mean so I I actually think that like one thing you should do is like you know if you're not ready in therapy is like talked to someone who's a professional who can help you sort of dislike abuses traumatic and like help you understand and process it and unpacked getting in that in and of itself might be helpful but I think also there are really specific strategies that that you can try to help you love be calm in the moment on different like CBT type strategies And and look I I wouldn't advise that you go to church and try those because I don't want to tell you something that's GonNa make you like really triggered and really panicked but I guess what my suggestion is is to like look into those and look into like what people do too kind of re-claim spaces that they want to be in you know I think probably it's like some kind of combination of things which is like you know like maybe finding new church at least temporarily and like even if it's you know maybe it's not about this bizarre church maybe it's church at all and in which case like there's probably some unpacking to do around around just like the relationship in general because they think like I think it can be tough to like do these things in isolation especially when variance trauma it's like I I think it's probably not going to be just about finding away to be okay and church I think it's probably going to be like a bigger project of like processing what happened and then also working on the being in church stuff yet reclaiming your space is a great way the Christian friends there's other ways to still have that community without being retraumatize 'cause I don't want to make you think you have to be forced back into it right like it might take a few months years whatever and that's okay yeah I mean I find community in practice your faith and stuff like that but I think like you know if being in churches like a goal of yours without feeling anxious I think like you know for me like I have my anxiety reactions or my panic reactions are like exist on a spectrum it's like Oh for example like post breakup walking into a place that I might see my ex like maybe like on a scale of one to ten that's like a five whereas like walking into an airport is like an eleven and like a real you know what I mean and so like for you know airplane those those those strategies aren't really as useful to me because I'm already I'm so panicky like so anyway I'm seeing all that to say like you know think about how you feel like what what was your anxiety reaction was it like you know flop sweat stomach.

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