Connecticut, Tony Treatment, Lisa discussed on LIFE: Love,Insight, Fertility, Experience
Connecticut thank you for being here today. Lisa, thank you so much for connecting with me and I'm so. I'm so happy that we met was just to its meaning I was giving a workshop on. Sir. Say and sent you a flyer and that's when we started. Talking in instantly became friendly, so it's worked out so nice. It's just a terrific teaching. Thank you for having me on your podcast. So my pleasure EFI spoke. You've done so much information I'm so thrilled. You're here today so that we could share the information with everyone or at least grant part of the information. So I, so I you know. I've been in working in fertility treatment and working for various reality clinics on for the past twenty years I've worked for several fertility treatment programs, and all of those years that I was working for Tony Treatment programs doing. Reporting Reproduction, including surrogacy and Jauregui donor, sperm and general cancelling for fertility patients I noticed that I saw a lot of the same problems over and over again and people went would leave my office and say Oh. My Gosh I can't believe that you're telling you these things so important, and I would hear that over, and over again and I thought to myself how can I help more people on a larger scale, and so I put together a group which I call the Center for family. Building and within that group we have. Therapists that that will help anyone who needs help with any stage of their journey. So that way, you can always find someone to talk to. We have workshops that we run for donor conceived children workshops, and how to find an egg zero run workshops in surrogacy treatment. We have a prerecorded video programs on to. They'll mental issues for donor conceived children and also. Your surrogacy journey and they also have which I'll talk about later. Life jive acquainted myself and had manufactured because I feel there was a again a place where there was a need that many people who really needed to be able to chronicle. Their journey were not able to in a way that was not hetero normative, and was accepting and was going to give many children. I say. An inexperienced. That was really meaningful to them. I love it. Honestly, I, absolutely I think the book is fabulous. Yes to meet some field, twenty five years is so significant because I've been in the field maybe ten years now the deals, not that old, so you so much transitioning such a depth of knowledge, the scope than the breath of the knowledge is is. Is powerful because. was so much when you do the same thing over and over again and then take that step to develop something to help is wonderful because what you're doing is you're really disempowering these people to realize they're not alone in their journey and their steps in. There's things that we could think about to house so I do a good amount of work with junior egg everybody has their own unique set of questions and thoughts and challenges, and with a there's so much is out there and if we could talk about that just a little bit from the time, people start to think that having a family until they decide to go to a donor aid or even donor sperm, and then they. Carry the child in half the child. Osset goes on there. As I work with women, and they go through the fertility journey, and then they have to decide on Jonah right. It's a tough decision to make typically. Yes! It's very hard decision to make. You know and the decisions are different of course for different people, so if you are a woman who's has infertility problems, nor experiences can be very different than let's say. Who needs fertility treatment never chose may not happen fertility problems. Experienced by the also very different I work a lot with Sloan. Kettering and their cancer patients in their embed processes also different. And so you know for many people. There are feelings of loss feelings of. Pain and sadness over what they'd hoped. Is You know what they hope they? Their family would look like and some difficulties managing offense, but in terms of the donor process in choosing donor. I think that those that process can be the same for everyone across the board because I do think that is much as it's an emotional decision, it's also practical decision in I'm. I'm writing a book about. And in my book I propose or way to think about choosing Joan it as a little bit more practical than emotional because they think. I've seen people. Leave my office or go someplace. Else for cancelling and come back two years later and say I made the wrong decision in mistake. I should have done something different way, and so my goal is really to try to help. People not have those regrets doesn't see horrible regrets to have to experience. As, you're talking. I'm thinking about so many things in even how it's so hard sometimes to separate thought from the feeling, especially this journey to help somebody do that is significant, and to think of it more of a practical matter, but then to have a regret on top of it that has to be so challenging and so far for the parents, because they've gone so far and then to look radish something that I talk about people very often. Snaps I. Know you see a lot of people who go through this also and so. I'm sure you've seen that to. The kiewit is trying to tell people with knowledge and information. While they're learning how to rush emotion and go through whatever it is to go to many tempt greets. Lou. To recognize it I find that a lot of people get very apprehensive at the future, and with the future hold for the child going up, and what you hope for them, telling people and how they're gonNa, feel, and then once child is one I see different feelings is. If I could backtrack moment when you said making the decision. In Manhattan, which is. Practice and find that some of the places have different protocols, so some of the clerks have to compare costs in terms of adoption summed up close open now. How long things will stay close in the world? I don't now because there's some. Availability of finding out of genetics. You help people with that. How do you felt them? Terms of making that choice should i. Choose the myself or should I go where it's chosen for me? I is always a very struggle to people. Well I think cost is one thing if you use a most of the programs in New York Army of Connecticut. Been Donald Program. So, you can choose an open donor feel like. We have three different phases of openness that you can choose from so there are other places there are lots of places do have been nice, but in on the east coast it's not as popular to have an open donor as it is on the west coast words, it's just very common, and I think eventually will be more common for everyone. I think that eventually everyone will be open and eventually. That's just going to be the it is I think. Again for women. It's very hard because it's painful. They have to deal with their own infertility and feeling the loss of their opportunity to heritage, genetically related child into look at the face of the person who's going to do something they're not able to do is very very difficult for gay men. It's not really defame because they are just very excited to choose A. A donor, and so it's a different experience so so people have to do what's right for them but I. Think it's good to kind of lay out the pros and cons to having an open relationship and issue can afford to using agency Then you can choose the dengue that you like and can choose..