Work from home and we only socialized go out together. I follow mike pence's rule which is no business. Dinners with women without my wife there. But i held onto a promiscuous mindset. Which was that. I as a man needed to observe the beauty of different women. As a result. I enjoyed porn infrequently and would google the slutty photos that are unavoidable on social media. I'm just giving myself a little visual variety. I told myself. I justified my behavior my snooping around on the internet as a preventative measure. If i felt the desire to cheat i relieve myself with images of other women and i never did feel the desire to cheat and eventually of course. My wife eventually found what i was looking at in my browser history. I had explained to her in vague terms that i might use porn to satisfy my desire for visual novelty but wind. She found the porn it enraged her and broke her heart to me it was just mindless internet entertainment but to her it was a betrayal win we dated and before we married. We discussed what exactly constituted cheating to us. We both agreed. It was not cheating to observe and quietly appreciate for just a moment the beauty of a stranger of the opposite sex passing on the street for example. But i took this as my hall. Pass to indulge in a little poor news. With the clarity of hindsight my poor us was a betrayal of the spirit of our marriage and that sacred commitment to forsake all others and it had a dire effect on my wife's Self esteem and our marital tranquillity for months. My wife does not have a history of promiscuity. As i do so discovering my desire for the fakest of women was devastating in one of the more difficult conversations of my life. She confronted me with what she had found and demanded change. Which oddly was a relief for me. It was a reason to quit a shameful bad habit that i didn't even enjoy very much properly motivated. I never returned to porn. What lingered though was a toxic self belief that i'd be somehow unfulfilled as a red blooded man.