Listen: Partner, Danielle, Washington Dc discussed on The Jordan B. Peterson Podcast
"It's like, well, if that's your theory, then you might as well just give up right now, if you're going to get married because that like, the only reason you can think that is because you don't have enough responsibility to make romantic entanglement virtually impossible. And what happens when you're married, especially when you have little kids is that. And you both have job. Let's say is you're so busy that the probability that you're going to find time for spontaneous mutual interaction is decreases to zero and so if that's what you're hoping for then you're never going to have it. And so what you have to do is you have to make time for each other. And you know, if you're dating when you're establishing a relationship. Well, you put some effort into it. You know, you decide that you're going to go out for dinner, and you dress up to some degree, and you try to present yourself to each other in some half lease mutually acceptable manner. And you hope that there's going to be a positive consequence of that that you're gonna find each other attractive? But then people somehow think that once they're married that the same amount of effort isn't necessary, and that's wrong. I would say more effort is necessary on the same front, and you have to think it through. It's like, you know, if you don't wanna be bitter about the intimate element of your relationship. How much time do you have to spend together each week? And my my rule of thumb sort of derived from clinical observations is that you need to spend ninety minutes a week with your partner talking. And that means you're telling each other about your life and staying in touch, you know, so that you each know what the other is up to and you're discussing what needs to be done to keep the household running smoothly, and you're laying out some mutually acceptable vision of how the next week or the next month's are going to go together. Right. So that that keeps your narratives locked together like the strands in a rope you need that for ninety minutes or you drift apart and you need to spend intimate time together. Least once a week and probably more like twice and that has to be negotiated and if you don't go she ate it. And if you don't make it a priority, then it won't happen. You know likelihood and then well, well, then you don't have it, and that's a catastrophe because there's not that many things in life that are intrinsically. What would you say engaging in meaningful and pleasurable and also bonding all of that? And if you let that go then well part of you dies and part of the relationship dies. And well, then there's always the possibility of becoming attracted by alternative attachments, which which you would do if you had any spirit left. Right. I mean, that's the thing is if well if you're not if you're if your relationship at home is entirely unsatisfying sexually what are you supposed to do with that nothing is supposed to just bear it? I mean in one way the answer is yes because it's your marriage. But another way is well what that's all the fight. You've got an you. You're going to just let the erotic element. Of your life die and accept everything that goes along with that because you're not willing to cause a bit of trouble to ensure that it's maintained and we're not very good at thinking these things through consciously. I mean, people are bad at negotiating period as far as I can tell. But they're particularly about it. Go shooting things that are deeply private how much do you want your partner to know about you? Anyways. It takes a lot of trust to have a real conversation about what you need and want. Now, you have. In the press people read that you are you have a following of young men, and I went to hear your lecture in Washington DC. And there were a lot of women there and your book, I personal men. Don't buy books that often compared to women. So I'm presuming you have a lot of female readers. I've found Danielle and I found it completely reversible and wasn't a ribbon for men. No. What a delusional desire on the part of the radical leftists that the only people that could possibly be attracted to me are angry men.."