Fifty, Ninety Percent, Dr Noel discussed on Dr. Drew Podcast
The people that developed drug addiction are all from there all this regulated and they're primarily just regulated because they were traumatized and once they were traumatized they exit the frame of closeness. And empathic atonement that allows for affect regulation develop. And i see it. That's my patients but they're everywhere that's a problem. It seems to me to the point where. I'm not sure parents could. Because they didn't get enough of it that they were even know how to do. It had a really attuned adequately for a long enough period of time for a brain to develop. And what about the as. You're talking about this. Something else can find mine. were devices. This generation janis ian prior to that. Is the impulse the lack of impulse control city that the parents are substituting the actual atonement for the plastic the device in instead of the tomb and i guess my generation. We put them in front of the tv. That was our version of that then the now the version is the screen. So there is no you know half the time when you talk to a kid who or a teen or even an adult. Who's going through a panic attack or who's experiencing high levels of anxiety in that moment You know if you ask most of the time they'll say i don't want you to touch me. I don't want to touch. You could just just sit there next to me. I just want your bodily presence And what it goes back to what you were saying is just having that physical presence there so that they don't feel abandoned they don't feel alone and also giving them control because anxiety is all about control so often tell parents or even adults at that moment. You know you have to have a plan in place on you know who you feel you wanna reach out to your what you wanna do so that the panic doesn't intensify there was. There's another layer for me in terms of resolving the anxiety that you're talking about managing anxiety no but i'm i was interested in resolving it for myself and for me i had to get better connected to my primary emotional landscape it. It's as though the sort of week connection between primary emotions and second order. Representations in my mind was not there and so emotions were threatening and distant and unregulated and that was for me the source of my anxiety. I would say is that common you much of that i like. I say the disconnect. Because it's exactly what it feels like even when you go back to kid and drying or even when adults do joins. it's amazing. how. I i often teach with In my practice which is more focused is really helping them. Identify the emotion. Well guess what ninety percent of the time. I'm not kidding. They cannot identify an emotion. What's an emotion. I'm feeling you must. You must have had good pair tape. Because when i started therapy. That was my challenge. I'd have to start every session with. Okay okay okay. i'm feeling and for a year. i could almost do nothing. I could just go one of my feeling. I'm anxious that's about it. And then feelings started coming fourth in the safety of the frame the frame. That's the dichotomy you're describing secondary so it's not learning how to express a so. What do we do for new parents coming in right. Talk about emotions so so important. What our emotions parents ask. Well ask them how they're doing. Don't just say okay if the kid says on fine i wanna talk right now. Okay i'll come back and check in with you later when i say emotions i haven't exercised Practice with all. I see all ages right so even with my adults. They love this exercise so say grab a stint here. Have a poser. Grab a posted. A bunch of posters. Put a box with a pen. And there's stress sheet. I use in a house all various forms of emotions. It says frustrated. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Unfeeling then he goes into physical symptoms etc. And as a every night. I go to batter whenever you want to do it because if i tell them to do it at a certain time there most likely not going to do it. So it's all about giving them control so for you go to bed or in the morning or whenever you want us that sheet of paper in a jot down emotion you feel right down on the posted a frustrated in why feel frustrated crumpled up cut in the box by the time we meet the next time. Guess how many papers will be in that box most of the time. I can't guess sometimes we'll have fifty sometimes none. Sometimes i always share that. What i'm trying to do is exactly what you're saying is bridging the primary and secondary that onset the notion and bringing it together so that they learn because they're not being taught how to share will or identify them and i think that's the more challenging part because once you can identify them it's comes easier to share it and let's let's keep going with the psycho educational long as we both think that's important Let's said do we differentiate because words get thrown around all. Make sure there's no confusion about this feelings from emotions. We differentiate those to stay things or or should we just call them both sets with the same. Everybody you've heard me talk to dr noel. Read board certified family medicine physician and.