Amy Cuddy, Mitch, Youtube discussed on On The Verge

On The Verge
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Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Looking at it for a long time. And so when I came upon this simple phrase, why needy is creepy. It was like bingo. I all of a sudden I got exactly how I been feeling for a long time. So where are you need? This is what I'm gonna ask you to think about where do you feel needy in your life? Are you in need of? Let's put it that way. Are where are you in need of are you in need of more money or a better job are you in need of a new relationship or unimproved relationship where? Where are you looking to the outside for validating or for a helping hand where do you feel needy? And then how does it make you feel? How does needing make you feel and I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go here right unit have to put it into words. How does needy? Make you feel in your body. Like, I said before for me needy feels immediately I get small immediately. I feel my throat close or my stomach clench. Immediately. I go into this other pattern of being than I am right now. When I feel abundant when I feel confident and clear and stable, I feel bigger right? Just like Amy Cuddy talks about her Ted talk about power positions when we feel needy. We do get small physically. So how do you feel when you feel needy? This is really important because it's happening already in your life. There are times throughout the day. Perhaps when you're you're you feel less than right? So many people I talk to including myself. I we struggle with the less than not worthy enough, and it starts physically. So over the course of our life. We start to accumulate physical patterns, and this is something I see as a as yoga teacher as movement teacher. We accumulate physical patterns that some of them are really helpful. Right. Just like that Amy Cuddy power woman wonder woman, right? When you put your hand on your. Hips, new open, your chests, and you this is a powerful movement pattern that if we took it for two minutes or more. We'd actually start to feel more powerful. The on the flip side, we have these movement patterns that we go into when we feel small when we play small when we play when we're in this needy needy zone. So what does that feel like for you for me? It's small small clenched gut clinched gut tight throat, right? Maybe. My eyes like I don't even see as well. Right. And I am I heart races. So I'm going to give you an example. I had a phone call last June. It was a it was an Email introduction to somebody that I really respect as a he's a therapist or he's a psychologist who works with sports teams. He has a podcast out. And I really respect him. And we were brought together through some mutual connections. And so I had a fifteen minute call with this guy. I can't even say his name because it makes me it makes me tighten up even thinking about this call. There's no reason for me to feel small with with this gentleman. Right. We have so many similar interests similar friends yet. I got a call, and I was like a different person. I was a completely different person. My voice got. Squeaky. Hey janie. We got some friends on here. Mitch is here a Mitch and Lawrence. Thanks for joining me. Mike, my voice got squeaky. And I started speaking really really fast. And even as the phone call was happening. I was watching myself like who are you who what is happening? And I started saying stuff that was not to not feel like me I asked like I made a pretty bold ask that that. He interview me on his podcast to good seines. Caceres the words came out a like, no, no Honey as not what you should have done. So anyway, I'm just being honest with you, the whole call was a flop in my opinion. Now, he probably hopefully does he remember it for me. It was like a pigmy of needy. I felt creepy right? Is it was happening? I felt creepy. So I learned and I learned in looked at it. And I thought about it. I was like, you know, I really didn't need anything from him. I was just looking to make a connection and so since that time last June. So this is now seven eight months, I've really started to look at how it feels to be in need of somebody else giving the approval and I recognized. It's it's not a nice feeling. So again back to you. What are you in need of like write it down? This is really helpful. What are you in need of in life, who would you seeking approval from an why? Okay. Just admitting to yourself I need so and so two like me or I need to have when I post a picture on Instagram. I need to have so many likes whatever, right. It could be a simple as that. Or I really need my superior. The you know, this client to like me. So I can get more business be honest with what you're in need of want to start to notice what needy feels like in your body. It probably has a specific movement patter. Or physical patter such as heart race or clench or throat clench or physically crossing your arms or cowering or tucking chin. Starting to know what the movement pattern feels like then gives you the power to start changing those movement patterns, catching them immediately. I'll tell you have you know, if I have the chance to speak to this gentleman again, which I hope to do so soon min approach completely differently which brings me to my third and final point when you're approaching situations where you know, you're gonna be in need of. Prime your systems. I'm big into priming priming the nervous system. Or does this meet when we are stable and balanced when our nervous system are automatic nervous system is in a balanced state, meaning not too stressed and not too relaxed where hummingbird right down the center when we feel balanced in clear and stable like that we're able to navigate in a way that's more open and clear and confident. Priming your system. In other words, make sure your stable in clear before you take the phone call. Make sure you've done something to help you be grounded and steady before you go into the meeting or board before you post, whatever you need to post take whatever chance rescue needs to take. Priming yourself before your put yourself out there. So in yoga terms, we call this stability before mobility right being steady before you take action before you leap had you prime simple. Simplest thing is to breathe I five deep breaths, one of my many wins. I call it. Stop take five take five deep. Coherent, breaths, set. Your inhale exhale or even in deep will help your Yuda shift into a more stable state move your body. Sometimes just getting out of your away. You know, shaking your hands doing a little jog to a couple of squats you getting the juices flowing in your body or even a full walk can help you again shift from that state of needing this or intimidation too stable clear calm. And then the last one is may be in silence. Sometimes being in quiet tuning in to your body tuning into your breath tuning into a song, whatever or being completely quiet. No music. No, nothing can help you again, prying your state, so just to close this all out needy is creepy. I may be agree. Maybe don't I know for me. I feel like I can't stand it when I feel needy anymore. So immediately I need to shift that the way to start shifting to notice. What you in need of really, what are you in need of what do you need from the outside? We have so many of the resources that we need already within get to know, what your need of get to know what it feels like internally physically. What is it when you start grasping and saying those silly things or feeling authentic? And then third prime your system change your state before you put yourself out there in a way that is challenging. So I hope this is helpful all thank you for joining me and tune in next time, I'll be throwing out these lives gonna move this over to YouTube, so others concede as well if you like to connect with me Keira at CARA, Bradley dot net and hope to connect with these soon. Thank you all have a great day.

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