I grew up with you. Know a pretty typical tiger parents as well very strict A lot of rules very high expectations. And so even though i'm second generation so i knew i would like loosen up a little but i saw a lot of benefits to that type of parenting you know and and also like my sort of conservative. Religious upbringing really taught me like your role as a parent is to raise your child to be obedient to be morally upright all those things and so i definitely came at parenting with his mindset of like i need to get it right. You know. i'm. I'm not going to let my kids run all over me. I'm going to you know. Just make sure that they turn out okay and i think that mentality was really damaging because then that really pushed me to want to control like it's by whatever means necessary right so i was. I thought it was all justified. Because i was doing it for the greater good and doing it for you know to help them. Stay on the straight narrow path or whatever So yeah i. I was really a discount up in in that mentality and it wasn't until my children really started pushing back and saying we're not having any of this and of course is apparent thought. Well that just means. I need to come down harder okay. This punishment isn't working. Well let's up the ante and make it even more painful for you and it was just causing so much conflict and tension in my relationship especially with my oldest child and so I think a lot of it had to do with me. Coming to a personal a breakthrough. I guess with my own healing in terms of understanding what love was and sort of deconstructing some of my religious beliefs for one and really understanding that love is not about control. Love is about freedom and empathy and compassion and grace and all those