Michelle Thorne, Congress, February discussed on Workplace Perspective
Everywhere Welcome back everyone. We are talking with michelle thorne about microaggressions in the workplace. So i wanna talk a little bit about your thoughts on specifically you know what can can't employers do i talk about both sides of it right. So let's talk about what employers can do to address these issues and how can please get to a point where they are more comfortable coming for like ways to phrase it so we don't look like i'm being overly sensitive but you know and i have workplace culture thing. It takes a long time to change culture you know. Honestly though time is relative can change workplace culture in like a week by firing the bad apples. You really can or longer time what i mean. I'm just gonna be honest right so much of the work we don't we don't fire the bad apples. We say while he will just have to get used to them so the people who are feeling excluded martian lines are the ones who have to suffer while those few bad apples get to stay year in and year out. But from when i tell people how to address microaggressions. I'd like to talk at it from the perspective. I what happens i right. So let us say you say something like Oh you're english it so good right in. You're talking to korean-american persons in speaking english and okay. So then what happens. At that point. I question is how did you know you were saying the wrong thing. Did it something that you realize that in that moments did someone come tell you. Two weeks later When you said that was it the person who was standing here who said that example say for like ninety nine percent of those death by thousand cuts. You'd never find out no one ever tells you and you go on your life thinking your relationship with this person so great now. The one time the one time. Sometimes it happens where they raised with you. Say okay well. I'll tell you how the best way to say this. Here's what sometimes happens. I never said that. Why would you think that i was just joking. I you know me. I would say that bob said bob woods as something like that and i. You should apologize right to do that if someone comes to you and says that you hurt me or you offended me or any of that and again. I'll go back to actually michigan state later on. I want you to just say. I'm sorry like do you don't need to go into all the explanations of why is cited Who did what just say. I'm sorry just apologize. That's to start with that. And then after that you can if this person wants to continue that conversation finding new that february always suggest is that you take the time step away and go learn what you did was wrong. Why is it that you call a black woman articulate and well-spoken thing to figure that out and then go back to the person and apologize again and then you can start. Sharing here is what i been learning. If they wanna talk to. You are so angry. Don't wanna talk to you. And that's okay. Sometimes they have been so hurt that they don't wanna talk to. That's okay but please apologize. And then once you do. The work of learning tried to continue that conversation. If you've had the chance to continue that conversation that's awesome right but then after all that's done do exactly what we just said earlier. You set the culture that says no. We don't do that here. We don't say that hair. Those aren't actions that we perform here right. So that's from the perspective. Whoever said it like individual personnel like workplace from the perspective of the person I always tell people you know. Because like i said there's so many of these migrants especially happened to junior people and they want to preserve a relationship but they also want the person to know that they were hurt and so i often just say you know ask them why he said it just save. Someone says it like Your source for a black person or just say you're sore which is why do you think that. Why did you say that. Why and then put the onus back on them to explain it put the onus back amendment if you feel like you don't have the power the ability to speak up in that moment go get some people go get some allies will get smuggled leaders in have them talk to them about it and then see what you should do that approach and i was just thinking self-awareness so when you were saying apologize very difficult for a lot of people to apologize but if you think about what struck me when you said it was what i'm doing in that moment what you're basically saying in that moment is to set aside your own concept feelings on thought but i didn't do anything wrong and acknowledged the fact that whatever it was you did or said obviously impacted this other person so not your intense the impact exactly right now your intent the impact to that and and acknowledged sort of you know what that did to that person in that moment and then like you said go away and think about it and and some people are just not self aware a. There's not there's not self reflection there they don't have that capability but in that moment if you could just set that aside and say okay. Obviously i've i've done something and not you know. I'm sorry if my actions offended you right not that sort of knowing you kick someone and even was by accident utah. You're sorry if you hit someone even at me train. Our kids always say you're sorry regardless of what your intention was my daughter like you know shoves mailer kid. Hopefully not bouncers pushes my child. I'm gonna door. I don't care you meant to do it. You didn't mean to do whatever you heard her. So please apologize for it and again you said it is just so hard for so many people to adjust samsar because the automatic reaction is. Why did do it. Or i didn't need to save or you took it the wrong way and i'm like well. I took the fact that you kick me the wrong way. I want you to say i'm sorry. And then you can relate because you don't want to lose that relationship you want to keep on mentoring this person you want to keep on working with the person you have to supervise this person and just the act of apologizing opens you up to congress. Actions that for so many people in this country. They've never had conversations on race or sexism or the experiences of those who are marginalized. If you have that opportunity to continue your learning please take it. Yeah i absolutely agree. I think that That just that idea it to preserve that relationship some etiquette. We always talk about preserving relationship when he even to like.