Chris, Barack, Myers Briggs discussed on Mentored Podcast
Keep you safe or win. A threat might arrive. is practicing those skills of atonement of hyper awareness of hyper vigilance. That in their over in their unhealthy mode End Up being racked by anxiety and parallel and being paralyzed and not being able to engage in their healthiest form or their most highly developed form. And it's not like once you arrive there but they You mentioned Chameleon Are able to attune in a line in joined with so many different types of people and to truly understand and listen to where they're coming from but also have a genuine kindness caring and concern for where they're going and wanting to help wanting to see them get there and also willing be willing to help get them there And so I think that's a just a real an interesting thing that I've noticed over time that we always have to have the level of awareness around that issue that whether it's you know any types or you know Myers Briggs or whatever there's a shadow side to each of those pieces and when we talk about organizations or we talk about ourselves an individual level and what our own narrative history is and what transference looks like and what healing over time looks like and what grieving looks like but also what dreaming and imagining who we can be on the other side of that looks like Having an awareness of those pieces having trusted people in your life who you can reflect on about those who are willing to lift you up when you're struggling who are willing to gently challenge you. When maybe some of those inherent values that are most important to you are On the back burner and I think when we can do that you know both on a small level but on a larger level. Can you imagine from a contagion perspective what that might be like if we were able to increase our level of self awareness or increase our level of compassion and understanding for others or believe the best intentions and others by five percent? More and it's not just for the healers or the counselors or the teachers to do. Everyone can you imagine that might look like on an exponential scale for the health of our relationships organizations or Our kids yeah in in a practical way. So you just talked about emotional contagion and how self-awareness breeds more self awareness. So I'm going to do a little reflection here. The in I think this is a good time to kind of close up also So in in sharing with your father you talked about wearing a suit and then today you talked about choosing not tour sue so Interestingly I have a asthma colored Polo shirt on which is what I wear every day just a collared Polo Shirt monochromatic. Also Ashley Pick that up from Barack. Obama won wardrobe. And that's what he picked up as Berg does the same thing. So it's just easier right right so Gummy COLLAR SHIRT ON YOU. Know and it's cold outside is cold right right so. I intentionally didn't wear my Hoodie here because I assumed you're going to wear your suit And so when you showed up in your wearing a sweatshirt all of a sudden that gave me permission to say hey I can wear sweatshirts too so I went back and grab my sweatshirt now. The interesting thing on that I never reflected on it or thought about it. It was just kinda automatic behavior of the door. Hey Chris great seal the first words out of my mouth where I was looking for somebody with the soup right. Yeah Yeah and then If you would warn sue I think that I would. I'm cold right now. Just like colder room and I. I run a local blooded outta sat here just in my polo shirt and I wanted to grab my sweatshirt. So why do I bring that up? Okay once what's the point of me bringing this up you're talking about how self-awareness being attuned in the moment can be contagious to others and I think on a very micro level. I saw that today writing. You're aware of not wearing suit today and by doing that. That gave me permission to be warm. Which is silly. I mean it's a really silly example. Yeah but It's just a really practical good way of Yeah just a Very clear example. Hang off right now in the moment. Right Right Yeah No. I love that I love that example because I mean when you bring that kind of natural curiosity self reflection to the process you I mean there are so many different like paths to go down in so many different ways to learn and connect and That's the beauty of that vulnerability is that it gives us permission to bring all of who we are to the moment and when I'm stressed I'm less likely to do it What I'm feeling more comfortable. I'm more likely to be open And the interesting thing at least for me that I've found over time is when I was really more embodied the literal component of that suit which is pretty straightforward pretty conservative Very rule bound very driven that there are specific concrete answers to things. All you have to do is show people how to do those concrete things and everything will be okay. And that's I mean that's kind of a simplified example of it by what I noticed was over time I felt I felt great about the quote perfectionist. Tendencies of getting the answer right or having that algorithm that that led to a binary outcome. But I noticed was that I didn't. I wasn't again like I wasn't connecting with people and also wasn't connecting with myself because when I asked myself the questions like does this feel like me. It doesn't it. Feels like me still being six years all trying to get it right. It sells out little guy looking for approval wondering if he does the right thing well then he'd be enough and when I when my niece was born ten years ago I was kind of in the midst of my of A. I guess my second burn out in in this work second round of burnout and you know a new. There's nothing quite like new life in the world to make you reflect on where you're at in your life and who who you will be in relation to that that little person and I really made a conscious decision at that point in time that what I had been modelling for others Driven kind of by my own needs was A high level of martyrdom. That if you work hard enough and you always keep hustling and you come up with the right answers that you will grind yourself into the ground but then you will be enough. I found out I was like here. I am not feeling great. Not Feeling effective not connecting with people. And there's granted there's probably only a small number of people who know me really well would have noticed that I was off but what I decided in that moment and that's not what I wanted to model for my niece And so I started taking a few more risks. What I shared with people to I. I felt deeply that I couldn't reflect critically on a system or an organization or a practice without also opening myself up to my own flaws and my own fears and my own. Gosh I wish I could do this but I can't I kinda suck at it. I didn't have any business criticizing so I started being a bit more vulnerable in sharing pieces of my story for the purpose of giving other people permission hopefully to connect with those pieces and align with some of what we're trying to do for kids organizations and what I found. Is that going to that. Scariest places Actually I feel like maybe more effective or more accessible and available to help others but on a deeper level a great brought me some peace that maybe some of the piece that I've always hoped for Now is it fleeting. Yeah I mean. I don't stay in that space forever but I feel like in by doing that. Work in engaging in that level of vulnerability and transparency. I did it to give myself permission to be who I am. Too in. All My foibles But it also as a secondary benefit give other people permission to be who they are and if we could all do that to the extent that we feel comfortable with our kids be anxious and depressed as they are. Today would some of the contemporary problems we face in the world have greater collective solutions because the kids that were developing today with a whole child. Approach are both resilient in creative and hope for And believe in being better together. I don't know but that's what I hope for and the only piece I can control right now is this moment and I just want to express Schuyler a deep appreciation for you You know it was clear to me during our class and I say during our class Yeah on paper. It said I was an instructor But it was our classes. We were learning together But during that time I could see that deeper level of engagement that rich spiritual life it was. It was apparent at shine through And it was exciting to me. I'm GonNa make this about me While lifting you up is it gave me affirmation that for all the folks who are struggling in the world there are infinite number of folks who truly and deeply engaging in the life of service And I could see that from you and you are such a have such a fine mind. and taken clearly some courageous steps forward to serve others And I just have the utmost respect for you and the work that you do and your man thank you. Thank you Chris. While I'm not GonNa let you and Complement of Cam. I'm going to return the favor of my anxiety about being in control. We'll try to pull that back. You allow it the cops so I I do want to recognize something new to that you talked about being in the suit but also your level of vulnerability and transformative work that you've done through the suit in and allowing that to come out and in no way would I ever invited you to be a guest. If you didn't communicate that in your classes and So your classes were I. I remember if I mean my memory could be wrong but I think I remember the first thing that came out your mouth was. I'm going to say some things that are wrong and I want you to challenge me. I think that's how you opened up one of our classes and right there you want me boom you know but if you would have worn the sue and only per senate perfection. I wouldn't have never asked you to come here So that's the first thing in the second thing you mentioned your niece and this transformative piece where you said new life makes us think and you're wondering what you're leading her to so the name of this podcast is the mentor podcast. And it's all about mentoring John. Sewers says we're all mentoring someone to something so we need to ask ourselves. What am I mentor them to end? So I WANNA congratulate you and give you a compliment that Just in this hour of talking to you I. I'm just reminded of that. That sweet spot of being more vulnerable being more authentic and checking in with myself and not just going into autopilot so you are mentoring me in that way. So a part of this podcast is not me just giving knowledge to listeners but really inviting people in who I admire? Environ people in that. Make me better in so when you transfer that to me. I'm hopefully doing that. The kids on mentoring. Some thank you Thank you Scott. Who Ooh you just listen to the mentor? Podcast `Orean tangles stories of Health and Health? With stories of at risk youth. I hope you enjoyed Chris more as much as I did..