Listen: Esther Parral, Astaire Perot, Debbie Millman discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Now, Debbie millman has been talking with designers and other creative types about what they do, how they got to be who they are and what they're thinking about on this podcast, it'd be moment talks with therapist and author, Esther Parral about marriage poly-amorous and adultery. Many affairs if they were not discovered and they were left alone, they would die a natural death. Here's w moment. Ten years ago, der paroled took a big turn in her career. She was a psychotherapist noon for her clinical work with intercultural and interfaith couples. She has since turned her attention to relationships and sex in two thousand and seven. She wrote a book titled meeting in captivity, unlocking erotic intelligence in two thousand and thirteen. She did a Ted talk, his secret to desire in the long term relationship which has been viewed more than ten million times two years ago she gave in other popular. Ted talk me thinking infidelity that talk led to a new book, the state of affairs rethinking infidelity. She joins me today to talk about sex, marriage, cheating, and everything. Astaire Perot welcome to design matters. Thank you. Astaire your parents were survivors of the Nazi concentration camps and the soul survivors of their respective families which were quite large. Your father had nine siblings, and your mother had seven. How did your parents survive? So I think my dad was in about fourteen labor camps member in about nine of them. She spent a year in the woods. He spent six six months in Siberia, so they were breaks in between. But I think when I asked them the first thing they would be dec- was luck. First and foremost is just we're not chosen for the selection that day. And then the second thing was the ability to stay strong and to continue to hope basically that they would be reunited with their family. There was actually my mother's thing and that she was on a mission that she, she would be the witness and hopefully that they would be others that she would reconnect with my father. More emphasized that he managed he in the last year and a half developed a black market in the camps because he was working around the kitchens with a friend of his and we that black market. He was able to feed sixty children and to make them strong enough to be able to continue to work. But he also ended up feeding the assess so that they too relied on him to eat more or better. And he always talked about his street smart. Basically, the more he managed to where he, he figured things out in terms of how both of them emphasized decency boot of them really, you know, emphasis that you didn't survive on the back of others and and love connecting with people falling in love in the camps. Is that where they met? No, they actually knew each other from before the war, but the day of liberation on the road. And was it love at first sight at that moment? No, no, I don't think so. I don't think that that was there the the, the model which came to marriage either. They came from arranged marriage, moderate. So no, I think that what it gave them this way, walking on the road, you a free finally, but rather lost not knowing where you're going and you basically asked around, did you know other other people that you know from this town from that city from this part of Poland. And then people said yesterday, research and search, and I, I know her I used to know her family. We used to trading together and my parents would never have married if it wasn't for the war. But a lot of the posts were marriages where I'm alone, you're alone. I have nothing. You have nothing. Let's get married. That was really the model. They were from different classes. My mother was from restock Rettig acidic educated family, and my father was basically quite illiterate. Couldn't rights couldn't read much when two years to school and and would never have been a match. But he looked up. He was like, he, he even he venerated her daughter. And and they began walking, you know, you just kept and then you, the."