Twenty Minutes discussed on Engaging Leader: Leadership communication principles to engage your team - hosted by Jesse Lahey, Aspendale Communications


And trust from your team aren't you yeah i mean you're beautiful and you're you're real they you know you're trustworthy because you're you're not hiding something when someone says no i'm not angry and they're angry everybody knows everybody knows it i mean you you know those people right and those people are not trustworthy you never really know what to expect from them but if you can have someone say i am angry and i'm not gonna let it take over but i'm angry and let me explain why and let's try to resolve it well that's someone you could trust that someone you know is going to tell you the truth so you know you're trustworthiness comes from your truth telling and your ability to be real and vulnerable and strong at the same time people are worried about being vulnerable because they think it signals weakness but it's precisely the opposite to be vulnerable requires tremendous and reads as tremendous strength when you're vulnerable it means i am strong enough to be able to expose areas that are weaknesses without having a destroy me i don't need to show up as some perfect person for me to feel okay or for me to stand with confidence in front of you and advocates or something i don't i don't need that i'm i'm ok being imperfect and i don't lose myself as a result of that that's a really important powerful and strength communicating skill as opposed to trying to hide all of your vulnerabilities which literally reads as weakness initially it sounds like we're just being touchy feely but it's actually very practical and powerful so i'm thinking like just to demonstrate that if you think of that situation where you need to tell someone a hard truth in a way that they can hear it what kind of tips do you have to do that using emotional courage well the first thing i would do is say start with the punchline i can't tell you how many conversations i used to be in an certainly that i watch where someone is you know spend twenty minutes setting up a hard message and it's like it's painful for them it's painful for the person listening to the message they're sitting there saying am i getting promoted or fired it's really and and it's you know and the reason we do it is because we try to delay the cringe moment right we try to delay that moment when we're like i'm letting you go right and we're trying to delay it and so we're we're we're giving all this background and we're giving you know we're trying to smooth it out or we're trying to make it easier and that's always a mistake and and the what you do is you start with saying here's the thing this is this isn't working out and i'm letting you go and i want to to the extent that you want to know i want to explain why but you've you've you've gotten over the hard hump and everything else after that is a softer conversation as opposed to the tension of holding out on the main message and everybody's sitting there stressing out about when that main message comes so that's the first thing i would say the second thing i would say for a harder difficult conversation is to listen is to really empathize is to understand what's going on for the other person that if you've ever been in one of those conversations where the other person's repeating themselves over and over and over again and you're like throwing your hands up in the air and why why enough i what you're saying but here's the thing that the why do you think they're repeating themselves right i mean the repeating themselves because they don't believe you've heard them and as soon as they believe you've heard them they're gonna stop repeating themselves and when you say stop it already i got it but here's the thing you're.

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