Boston, Elementary School, Feely discussed on 10% Happier with Dan Harris
That we really have to have. These conversations and I need to have the conversation. I have a responsibility to have the conversation. On a human human level with the people in my life who? Don't share my whiteness, and also publicly. because. That's you know that's where I've landed I is this has to be on me right now. Given the platform I have, but that's really uncomfortable, because I've had experiences in my past where? I've had these conversations and they haven't gone well. That's not really true. I'll tell you. There's one the one experience that I had when I was a kid I'm GonNa tell you this experience and I. I'm very reluctant to share it with. You can impart because it's embarrassing. It's probably the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me, but it's also in part because I'm very aware and I did talk about this. The other day was seventy I'm very. Reluctant to put black people in the position of comforting white people. Now because you've got enough stuff going on, you don't need to. You know what it seven say the other day in our podcast. That posted the other day. She said something like. You know like. Sometimes, black people feel forced to play mammy. But I'll tell you this because you're asking me how I feel. This is coursing through my body and and mind as every time I have this conversation and I'm only only really come to terms with it recently and I don't know if come to terms with it is the right expression, but maybe. It at become aware of the continuously recurring role. It plays in my psyche. When I was ten or something like that I was I grew up in Newton Massachusetts which is. Not far from where you are right now, in Boston in the Dorchester Section of Boston and It is a leafy suburb, but it also is actually an certainly was when I grow up quite diverse. But diverse in a pre. And just post bussing prices. Boston and so for those unfamiliar with the busing crisis there was. A move to desegregate Boston schools by busing black children into white neighborhoods and vice versa I, believe and it caused. Civil, unrest slash a riot. Ongoing upheaval. So I I was not sent at that time. I mean I was I guess I was technically sentient, but I wasn't watching the news But that was the environments in the eighties in the in the seventies and eighties. I'm going to. Elementary school seventies mostly so this stuff was happening, but so it is diverse in my neighborhood. There's. Kids bussed in from the city in my neighborhood, there were sort of middle class upper middle class houses, and also hud project. But it wasn't diverse in a touchy feely way. It was diverse into like everybody made fun of everybody else so Jewish and non you. You could get made fun of for that. You get made fun of for being black or Asian or Hispanic, and I was part of a crew a an ad. I I have this memory of being part of a group of kids that was bullying other kids and I say this is a kid who was a bullied. And did bullying so that that's a big dynamic in my mind can actually And we were bullying. I think we. We bullied many kids, but one day a pack of us were bullying a kid who is half black half white. and. Remember everything that happened, but it wasn't good. And by bullying. I don't mean physically tie. We're just haunting. The memories are all very foggy. What happened next was that we got in trouble, but the way the stories shook out. was that I was really the only one who got in trouble is my memory of it. I don't remember the technical details. I was a little kid, but I remember feeling like I was the only one who got in trouble I was one. We got called to the principal's office, and it became a big deal a really big deal. I don't know if I was suspended or what, but it was. A big deal in the school and in you know between the two families and there was. Reconciling that happened, but I felt both rightly accused wrongly accused. So that mix for me has been very difficult to deal with where I felt. I was part of this, but I also didn't want to admit that, and also there was a lot of stuff. Allegations level that I didn't think were true. Anyway I'm getting to into the details here. But I was very activated by this and I felt deeply ashamed, and so every time I. Have a conversation like this that danger alert gets sent up for me a very big way. Long answer to your question. You know here. It is well. That's important. I think that's like I think we all carry. Things from our childhood. Now. We're conditioned through these experiences in childhood that actually begin to impact developments into our our adult years, and these things come back and they like. They impacts our able to relate to folks. You know this thing happened to me when I was twelve or thirteen or fourteen, and because that happened I can't do this thing. Right now you know so. That's really important you know to. Kind of put out there And I appreciate you sharing. You know opening that up because I think we need to share stories like this. You know an share so much as just so many of these stories in my writing in the books that I write articles in talks. You know because it's important that we know..