Eagles, Missouri, Murder discussed on Mindfulness Mode


Man who murdered my father will you could imagine agent. I could feel my mom. She was a very solid short woman but very solid. I could feel her shaking. I was just and then women that I had to tell you Mrs Sanchez my husband was a good man. He never would have killed your husband. If he knew he was Mexican and native American he thought he was black and she went on to start saying bad things about black people and I remember Merav shaking even more and she's finally shouted at her stop. You don't even know what you're saying. Don't even know what you're teaching your son I want you to I know that I'm going to try really hard to pay for your soul that you get off my porch and that night my mom said something that forever or a wise woman wisdom it doesn't have anything to do with age education through through what we know that for mindfulness right and she sat a six kids down and she said this you need to understand a white man murdered your father not the white race I will say at one more time and I will not say it again. A white man barter her father not the white race and then she opened the Kansas City newspaper where I grew up in Missouri and she showed a picture that was my father laying on bar four with blood around his head and she's now this this you this is racism. This is in the newspaper would ever a person of color whenever a black man you know Asian native American. She didn't say for color was an attorney back then she she made all the debris. If that something violent has gone up in the paper full but if a white person some him they never have that because they treat them with dignity knitting respect like a human being that we have to change and then it took years neatly I went to school college. At Sixteen I started sorry working corporations in my mid twenties and in rooms doing diversity inclusion we're hearing white men and women who talked about their parents teaching them that they were better than people of color but they also said they loved their parents but they were not they do not believe that and they were delivering their life in a different way and what happened to me. Bruce is that dream of that day that happening lived in me for many any many years I started having that dream again of a white woman and her son only everything in here everything word for word but I couldn't see the white voice his face he was gone it was really creepy and then over time with hearing incorporations the circles of white men and women's sharing what what they have been taught in that they were releasing and creating something new allow me to then one day had that night a dream where I could see the young boy space. I mean to this day. If I were to meet this man I would know who he was and what I I hope for him is that he had a good life. 'cause what about thirteen year old Anita didn't understand because she was so faint pilled with pain and suffering. Was that that summer day I lost my father but that's summer day. Young white boy lost his father doing grew up knowing his father was a murder and and today if I knew what I knew back then I would open the door and said come in. Let's talk. It can't take a lot of time to heal and it's worth it and it can be a snap where with a practice you you could just release things not pretending not doing a mind thing. We'll I'm going to act as if you truly you can release it. All of it is possible. It requires your your choice you choosing consciously are and are unconsciously you could be making those choices and you will be rewarded with avarice and that's just so wonderful and you are wonderful storyteller. I love the story about how you are fighting this whole thing about writing your doctorate paper and and you're just fighting it fighting fighting it and then you just you just they said you know to what was it grandfather and grandmother how some people would call it God mccown God yeah and you said if you want me to write this send. What did you say? Send me a sign so yeah send me aside. Tell us this man slam the door. All while think of my mother would just be horrified cheered me cursing grandma GRANDPA. They're like that and when I looked out these big windows in my house an eagle flew by so I put my hands on my hips and I said okay all right every morning by get up at five o'clock to go the bathroom all come out here. Look out the windows and if the so you don't flies by that I'll go downstairs and write for three hours okay so we took three a little over three months. Every day. I went out and darn if there wasn't an eagle that fly fly. That's not a usual occurrence fly and worst of all bruce is so I would go down and right for three hours and then some mornings I come up at eight o'clock side right provide eight come up to make my breakfast and I sit down and another Darn Eagle would fly back by the window and I have to go back downstairs and write for another three hours but what magic so many different things one is that you know they're other beings that that we're not necessarily taught indigenous people. I think other people are too that they make the connection you know the trees are there for the water. Is there for for us. The four legged the wing and all were all connected where all our precious relations were all connected but ben is when I realized that there had been and for some time the eagles are part of helpers to me and they wanted this book written because minding my phd they wanted noted that down and it was important for me to be able to move into some of the places CEOS of Fortune one hundred corporations in places to have that was important but I only could have happened because of the eagles the eagles every day and I was true to my word that's really important. They helped me every day to get that and in your early days you wore armor. You described it as your illusion of separateness armor Tillerson vote what because all that I heard that happened to me as a trial with the rapes and stuff and then with the murder of my father and then go on. I'm a Latina Azteca second woman young girl. All that stuff is that I started putting our rouce I was going to say no. One's GonNa hurt me. I'm GonNa go through life on my own. I'm GonNa do anyway you know and I just put up this armor just really tough barely smiling and stuff and what I found when I went away to the University of Colorado at age sixteen the action was seventeen. The first year was in Missouri other all these indigenous people there I start connecting them and then all these white folks and Mexican Americans and I just my community just kept getting bigger and they kept saying me as a leader and so they'd have me speak for them. In the MIC. I've never had trouble speaking in front of people so and Iran ramp pursued by they were seeing all these thing in me that there was this thing in my mind that was saying I'm a fraud imagined other people that are listening to said they have of those most like Oh. This isn't true they. You know I'm just they don't see the real need it will see all of me but what it happened by being seen by others helped me to start lowering this armor and lowering and lowering it to where it allowed and I realized I kept the bad stuff out at least a lot of it but I was keeping out the good stuff that armor that we build in our mind are really literally build. Well it keeps out the good stuff and one can't live like that. We need each other. There's what I say what the elders taught me over the years is that human beings can have the condition of being lonely human beings are never we're never locked and when that finally realization should sunk in I am never alone. I have the water that's going through. That's nourishing me and the food earth the birds the trees providing shade then then I have my mother my father my brothers my sisters my friends there. Virtually we don't do anything alone. We are always connected. It is the mind that state of loneliness and so we can train it being my focus trainer so we don't fall down into that but can come back to the abundance that we're part of so that we can come back to knowing what we need not take too much because we can be sufficient to that seven generations out. We'll have plenty for everyone so that armor came down really from the gift of unity is others wanting to be joining in Dan and it looks like from the outside being their leader their student body president like I was but it over time I actually dropped further and further or giving accepting them giving to them being in flow that debt really then I realized Oh my gosh the power our really connecting collaborating with people when you don't have armor up on my gosh there's so much energy so many solutions that were able to cremate folklore each other's wives for the larger communities lives. Both I'm talking about for the Community of human beings as well as the other beings are right yeah. Oh Yeah I just love how you're able to communicate all of this as we talk but also in the book and one of the things is that you learned from the time you're young child was how to listen with the softest part of your ear and you've already alluded you did that. Tell us what that really needs will first of all it means you have to shut your mouth so we learned very little from my second grandmother about listening so it was like there is nothing come out of your mouth and then it's truly being present with the soft partier the south is part of your heart so what that it means what happens and she didn't use this language as a little girl but that you were present to the actual being nasty aliveness somebody else or something else that they have made or what is part of their being that you don't have to compete with. I don't have to sound off because I am present to what they are. So the lesson one of the lessons she taught me in sharing this because I love is bring my grandmother back who are lost in the sixties physically lost but she's always been around at aged for my little sister who then was prop was only about two over two and my older sister who's a couple of years older than me. We were staying at our home and early one morning morning on a Saturday morning. She got us up. It was still dark. Got Us a win outside with summertime and we were by her garden and it was August so the sunflowers were out big time but she had a stand there and as the sun rose we know talking we just faced with sunfire was and every hour that day she stopped whatever we were doing and we'd go over to the sunflower and we'd move with the.

Coming up next