Ashley Burgess, Namur, Abetting discussed on Perspectives with Ashley Berges


Liberate you live perspectives nine here host Ashley Burgess. You've heard me on the show talk about toxic relationships. Today. I wanna talk about addictive relationships. And I know some of you are asking the question. Well, is there a difference between addictive relationships and toxic relationships? Why don't think there's really necessarily a difference? But I believe that we can be addicted to a toxic relationship, and I believe that we can become addicted to a relationships just like we can become addicted to anything else, whether it's alcohol or drugs pharmaceutical, prescription drugs or gambling or sex, whatever it is we can become addicted to and often times or in a toxic relationship. We don't realize that we're actually addicted to it. Even though we keep going back to it after we break up over and over and over again. And every time we go back into the relationship. We lose a piece of ourself. We lose our self esteem, even more and our self worth. And we feel even worse than the first time we left it's a cycle. And in order to understand about being addicted to a toxic relationships. We have to understand the signs and guideposts that let us know there were actually dealing with that situation. I found often times we have a situation happening to us. Whether we're in a relationship with someone or personal situation, and because we don't necessarily have a definition for it. We don't understand that we can actually treat it. We don't even understand what we're in. Because we don't even have an analysis or thought process base that we need to even think about something much less defining it as it is. And I found that often times more in a toxic relationship. We come up with all these other thoughts about it like, well, maybe we're in. It's not that compatible or maybe we're just in two different places or you need to work harder to keep the relationship. You know, many of us have egos. No, we don't want to have another failed relationship. So we're constantly thinking about that. And as we think about that it causes pain and suffering because we stay in a relationship. That's just not healthy. It doesn't provide for us. And it doesn't give us the sustenance and the love and the joy that we need. But also we have to realize that a relationship is not about that. We have to I established that with ourselves at joy, and that conditional love and happiness within ourselves before we can really bring it into another relationship, and we can't look to somebody to fulfill those needs as well. You know, many of us. We haven't really figured out who we are yet. And we go from relationship to relationship with never dealing with the emotional, the mental or the spiritual baggage that we've claimed in those relationships we don't want to be alone. And so that fear of being alone keeps us from ever being on our own to figure out who we are. Instead of figuring out who we are. We're too busy trying to figure out our spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend the next person, we meet we try to read up all the self-help books on the problems that we think other people have the problems that we think other people have instead of actually investing in ourselves to understand who we truly are. And until we start investing mentally emotionally physically and spiritually and understanding who we truly are. We will consistently without a doubt consistently. Find more and more toxic relationships to absorb our time on this planet and to take us further. Further away from where we needed truly be. There's two thoughts on toxic relationships. The I thought is that it's a horrible situation. And this person is a horrible being and they're being horrible to you. And it's all them not me. But there's another thought, and I think one that's obviously more true is the fact that we found this toxic relationship and in order to understand it. We have to learn from it and in order to learn from it, we have to learn about ourselves and in order to learn about ourselves, we have to be honest with ourselves and do a self evaluation and most of that begins with letting go of preconceived notions or societal thoughts. And also letting go the fact that we don't need to be in a relationship. Twenty four seven we need to sit back and understand who we are do the work on understanding who we are. And what kind of person we are? And what our values are what our interpretations of our values are and how we're living up to those values. But better yet what actually matters in our life. But you know, that I've found that most of the time many of us are stuck in a toxic relationship. And so you're listening to the show and you're like, well, that's a great idea. But I'm in the middle of this relationship. That's like, you know, crazy and volatile. And I've got all this stress on me. And I keep thinking about the problems in the relationship. I don't even have time to think about what you're talking about. Ashley because I gotta take care of this relationship. I got to figure out what's going to happen next. Tomorrow could be an entire storm that I have to get through. And so I'm speaking to you. Anybody out there who's an addictive relationship? And let me explain how you know. You're an addictive relationship is that when we're in addictive relationship, we lose ourselves in our identity, but see many of us never really knew who you were to begin with. And so we don't really see a huge change. But eventually we realized that we're lost. We don't really know where we are. It's hard to identify the situation and like any addiction just like a relationship addiction to a toxic relationship. We think about it twenty four hours a day seven days a week. And the interesting part about it is there's so many ebbs and flows ups and downs. And it's so often it's chaotic okay, it's hard to think straight. And it's almost like you're being put in an emotional blender like every day and a half. And then everything else around new year just coping with you know, you're just showing up to the work as much as you have to doing as little as possible to try to give by most of your friends own ever hear from you. And if they do hear from you, you're crying on their shoulder about the latest saga the latest issue that he or she did you okay? Some of them are still listening, and others of them have heard everything that they are so tired of it because you don't take any advice and a lot of us are hard headed. We think we know what we need. But because of the addiction we don't wanna listen, even when we're hearing the truth that we need to walk away from this relationship. We're trying to find a way to get back to them. And so on today's show, I'm going to talk about the cycle. And I'm gonna to talk about the signs of what it means to mean addictive relationship and then toward the end of the show. I'm always going to offer solution. Right. I always do this show. And I always provide knowledgeable factual content with solutions that you can use in everyday life. Okay. So let's begin the discussion because I find that many of you out there and because I work with private clients private therapy clients and private coaching clients on a daily basis. I get to hear that many of you right now are frustrated because you're in a relationship, it's not really working, and you've broken up several times, and you've gotten back together begrudgingly and every time you get back with that person. It seems to be a little worse. The situation seems to be worse. It's more volatile more chaotic, and it's becoming a true problem. Because of the addiction. You can't let it go. It's the same as alcohol and drugs when somebody is an alcoholic. They can see that there's problems they can see that. They they don't have the ability to stop drinking, and they know that this is not aiding and abetting in their quality of life. They know is not making them a successful person. But they're addicted to the alcohol dictated to how it makes feel. Okay. They're addicted to that. And because of that they can't just let it go. And the same goes for addictive relationships, you know, that it's unhealthy, but I think sometimes you really need to hear the facts behind it. So you can understand what you need to do. And what you need to know to have clarity and understanding to make the changes you need to end this relationship and figure out how to leave in a positive and cleanly cut out way. That doesn't hurt people. And then actually allows you to begin to learn about yourself. Okay. So the first sign that you are in an addictive relationship. But I find this very interesting because I think this applies to every toxic relationship on the planet. I mean seriously is that they're extremely happy days. And there's extremely sad days. So everything's an extreme. One day. He can be the happiest on cloud nine and the other. You're completely down in the dumps. And it's interesting because when you're on cloud nine it's like tunnel vision. That's wonderful. You're on cloud nine. You can't think of anything else. You're you're like sequestered with this other person because you're a Namur with this relationship is so amazing. It's so amazing. But then on the flip side, you get so down in the dumps that you can't focus on anything. You're lu- when things are down. You're losing your items. Maybe lost your wallet, your keys your jacket. You're preoccupied, you know, some people get into auto accidents and whatnot when they're not paying attention because they're too busy thinking about what happened in the argument with their lover and work falls by the wayside family falls by the wayside friends. Fall by the wayside except for the ones that you talk their ear off about the latest saga yourself care is at an all time. I'm low exercise usually stops. And everything that's beneficial goes by the wayside because literally all you can think about is this relationship, and how to make it get better like it was yesterday or the day before or the week before stay tuned when I return on me talking more about addictive relationships, and the signs that tell you that you are totally an addictive relationship and later on some of the ways that you can exit stage right and begin to find your true self leave your to live perspectives. We back this time in two shakes..

Coming up next