Jen Wilkin, Aaron, NEF discussed on The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey
About avoidance is not purity. I thought how many times I just say like. Oh I'll just stay clear so then there's no opportunity instead of what about self control? What about you know? Goodness what about purity like why not give ourselves an opportunity to use those gifts? That God's given us instead of just avoidance and that was it was really really mind opening when I read when I read you talk about that and I've and I've I've thought about that a lot over the past couple of years. Jen Wilkin has has had a lot of conversations about this. That have really helped me grow in this area so I agree. This is not in your book is not here are the five ways to do ministry with the opposite sex. Because you're not going to say that I'm not gonNA say that. No one's going to say that but it is such a good starting point just to think about where are what are we bringing to the table? And where our hearts in this like? What's our motive? What's our where's our. Where's our where's our opportunity to let God use the gifts this special gifts. He's given us so. And what are our expectations too? I think that's a really big one. A big part of it to you. I think we sometimes expect the worst or we cannot think about anything other than like the possibility that something might go wrong and I want to argue that like Jesus is all about coming and saying what about the possibility that something might go right like beautifully right when you just said that Aaron. We're talking about your book and like years ago. We need the sky who would avoid. He was in ministry would avoid women as if they had like a disease. That was contagious. If even looked at them and we was talking about it because I was talking about the book and we looked back on. That were like man. It was so awkward. It was so uncomfortable. It was so weird to be around him and we were newly married and so it was like just kind of figuring out but it was. It just didn't feel right and that's what I think that you're talking about is expecting the worst. Everything like every woman must be wanting to get in his pants if they come close to him and I'm just like I don't think that was true. Actually now I think my husband does not mind if I share this. But when he so he walked through a divorce A PRETTY PAINFUL DIVORCE. That he wasn't he he didn't want didn't want the situation to happen and And then after the divorce was finalized. The elders at our church to just sort of set aside a year where he would just fast pray and seek the Lord and maybe she would come back. I was kind of the hope and and she didn't. Obviously we married now but during that period of time he he decided the way to get through. That time was totally white. Knuckle it and totally ignore women so not talk to them. Speak to them look at them and so my first like four interactions with him. I thought been this hates me and I look. I'm not looking at him as a potential husband. At all my mind's not there at all and but yeah just would not look at look in the eye and then something shifted when of Billy to two or three of my friends began to sort of merge with his friend group and he began to say and he would say this A. You guys taught me how to be a brother to my sister's in a way that had never seen before and and that was I think the first thing that ended him ended with him through being drawn to me was the way that I was able to be assisted to my brothers. So I think for the man who's doing that? There's hope healing I think a lot of times. It really is just that you know if you tell someone you're bad you're bad you're bad long enough. They start to believe it and they start to act like it am that can just be a really crushing Way To live in. Or if you look at women nearly as you're an object you're an object you're an object that's also an equally crushing to live and so I think saying your image bearer of a complex guide is a much more beautiful and compelling way to speak about men and women and really I mean the truth of it is. I've heard Jen's say this before I mean the truth of it is like one hundred times as well as like at the end of the day. All of us. We're brothers and sisters in Christ that we're going to spend eternity together in that relationship and so we get the unique one time opportunity to to love them well as brothers in Christ here on earth and so kind of changing that that mindset and that way that we look at people encouraging and so I'm I'm thankful for you and your ministry single for this book. I'm thankful for the way that you're bringing conversations to the table. That are scary and that we might just want to avoid because it's too hard to think about. It's too hard to deal with. It's too hard to think through. And you know we've been taught we're in quarantine right now a mellow. We're we're Hav and one of the things that my husband mentioned the other day is he. He leads our creative and worship team and he's and they're still coming out here less than ten people all the things less than ten people. Not Touching six feet apart to film worship and preaching. He said one of the things that he's missed. The most is just hugging and he said that they he can see how much their team has developed this culture of hugging and not necessarily like side hug but like a a hug an embrace and he was saying how much he misses that when he sees people on his team. Men and women like no like. Oh just my brother's like he just misses that hug and that touch and I think right. Now we're in this unique situation where man I think about my single friends who might live alone and this going on like thirty days of not being touched. I could honestly just cry because I cannot imagine it and it has opened my eyes. I see how much as human beings I mean. We know this from babies like we know that they need to be touched when they're babies and I don't think that changes I read an article this morning By his name the guy that's always talking on TV the about the medical doctor about everything we should be doing starts the NEF off. I just shared something from him. This morning of food FAUCI foot yacht something Yup to article said and he said I wish I had an I read. But the gist of it was that he sees after this grown virus. Is You know Garner. There's a vaccine or whatever that might look like for our lives. He said I could see us. Never going back to shaking hands again and I thought I I saw that interesting chatting with you today about touch and I thought wow that feels so extreme and I don't know if that could actually be possible. I think one thing I'm always reminded of is that God not. He wasn't just the first one to say to to to touch humans he was also the first one to say it is not good remained to be alone. God's whole purposes to unite people his love and banner and to bring us together to worship him for eternity. And so I think these social distancing things like that that's not God's best it's not God's design and we live in a broken fallen world and so we have to sometimes admit to the broken ness and the fallen ness of this world demand my prayer through all of this. I mean I've had so many people say what a rotten time to release this book for. You and my prayer has been that just as I talk about. Fasting from intimacy in the book in regard to singleness dating my prayers been as we are fasting from touch in the season that the hunger for good health touch would grow stronger than our stomachs would be growling. For good healthy whole touch. At the end of this in a way that is I think less sort of cavalier and but as more intentional purposeful than it's ever been before I love hearing you say. I could cry thinking about my single sisters. Because here's the reality most of us who didn't spend significant seasons of life single or who aren't single. We're not thinking about our single brothers and sisters in a way very much. So here's an opportunity for us to sort of more with those who mourn and to feel that they're feeling in a way that they heightened for them as it is it is for us right now but it's more gnawing for them like their stomachs are growing a lot harder than your stomach's growling for good taste. And I think this is God's way of saying in so many ways I mean not just around touch but God is using this opportunity as we're sort of sheltering in place in under lockdown to help us face the ways that we have neglected to care for our own bodies and neglected to care for the bodies of others were facing our selfishness in a Lotta ways. It's really difficult really challenging. I don't know about you but like I look in the mirror and I'm like oh. Golly like this is just revealing some hard things in that. Yeah but I think it's also really good and my prayer is that it will continue that it's you know that you will remember that for the rest of your life..