That was just a very unstable way to make your way into the world. And how old were you when your mom died? I was it just turned 9. It was right after my 9th birthday. So 9, and then high school ends at 1718, 18. So you've got 9 years with your mom and then 9 years with just your dad, and then your dad is in a do you remember him before your mom died? Was he that way before? Yeah, such a great question because he was, but what my mom did was to insulate. So I never really felt his wrath because she had the stay away from kind of a protector died and then you're left with the abuser. Exactly. And came as a complete shock, obviously, because he really, he traveled the world and golfed a lot and so I think she just said stay away, let me raise them and so what ended up happening was I conflated graduating from college as this binary proof that I wasn't the abject failure that he predicted I would be. In other words, he kicked me out of the house, no money, no job, no support, got to go figure it out. Plus, I got to go graduate from college. If I don't, then he was right. So I kind of figured it out and the first couple of years were very rough admittedly. But I got into a rhythm and Andy doing very, very well in school. And I'm working and making a living and trying to keeping into this rhythm. And so when I'm graduating from college, I'm looking at the people around me. And they're all going off to Harvard Business school and medical school and law school. And I'm just feeling honestly, though, like, I'm so pleased that I made it here. Like, this is like the best it's ever going to be. I don't know how I did it. I don't know, I pulled it off. And I still didn't have any of the confidence because it's just been a struggle for all this time. And I started thinking, well, what separates me from these people that have the self belief that they could go and be somebody more than