Soccer, Zumra discussed on Psychologists Off The Clock


She doesn't eat vaccinations this year. She's healthy. We'll go to the doctor when she needs to be seen right So that's, but that's you know our pediatrician. I've known her since my kids were born. She's a huge source of support in my life. And I'm not going to see her. That's okay. It's not the end of the world, but you know if you have a child to has physical therapy, occupational therapy or mental health therapy, and you can't access those people. That's a big part of your the support of your family rate, and so I would say to the extent that you can connect with them virtually or really make sure you're engaging with other sources of support. It's really important because the truth is. Is. We cannot do this alone it's. We weren't wired to alone and we can't and I do think that the way that we can access those sources of support now is so different than it was before the quarantine, but we there are still ways to connect with people you know whether it's through Zumra through email or through phone caller. Gosh, even through snail mail, because because it's kind of fun to rent, write letters. You feel really connected to all and for. For me I think thinking of it. That way just helps to remind me of all the different sources of support that I do have an how with a with a perspective shift in what is possible right now. That I can really appreciate the different kinds of connections, absolutely and I will I will say that I think one of the challenges of this time is that it used to be that a lot of these supports just sort of fell into the course. Course of our day like we just had the appointments. It wasn't a big deal or we would see these parents when we were doing. Drop off or pick up at school or on the side of the soccer field, and all of a sudden all those ways in which we would kind of casually interact with our support networks have disappeared, and so it has to become a much more intentional thing, and it's just hard because we're already doing all the things. This is one of them, and you don't have to do with all the people like I'm not calling up my pediatrician and being like ham issue. Even though if she this, I'd Miss You But there are my life, and I'm like okay. It makes me really happy to talk to my sister several times a week, so I am making the point to call her, and again it does feel like it has to be really intentional to check in with folks, but it's worth it so I think it's it's A. It's a place to put our energy that matters in. Yeah, yeah well. I wonder if we can talk about one other area that I think is so relevant right now in terms of how to again make those buttons less pushable, which is multitasking because they think it's again one of those, since we in general, actually we have to really about not multitasking, but you have you talk very directly that there's no actually no such thing as multitasking right because we can't really pay full. Full attention to multiple things at the same time. It's just not the way that our brains work, but because there's so many demands, it is so tempting right now to be doing like eight million things at once again. I mean I sort of go back to it from like a working parent perspective that I'm like. Oh my kids are like five minutes on. You know some assignment for school I'll just. Rip off an email, but of course it it goes badly every time in stresses me out, but to stop doing it is so challenging so I. Wonder if you can talk us through why multitask is so likely to make our buttons, rhetoric and more pushable in what we can do about that especially now. Yes multitasking is a huge trigger and for folks in our generation. That's a big problem because we were raised to believe that multitasking was desirable skill that we should practice and get better at and I don't know about you, but for longtime every job description I ever read, said ability to multitask required. As, well, say ability to ride in a golden. Unicorn required because that's just about as likely like the truth is. We do a thing called task switching. Brain jumps back and forth between the various tasks, and the problem with this. Is that often? One part of our brain might make the leap before another part or a brain might catch up within our body doesn't and all of a sudden. Our brain in our body are literally doing two different things, which were not actually very good at and so we get stressed. And I define stress as the fought belief or perception that we can't handle what's going on now? Sometimes, it's true we can't handle it and when that happens, we need to slow down and reach out to support systems and do all the things that we do in times of crisis like right now. But sometimes we actually can handle each of the things going on in our lives. We just can't handle that in that moment, so the perfect example is in the evenings. This is well now. It's like all the time because kids are on all the time, but he used to be in the evenings. You know I'd be trying to cook dinner. which meant almost inevitably standing at the stoves during pot noodles I've got one kid at the table. Asking me about spelling words. I've got another kid in the bathroom, yelling to wipe her touchy My. My phone is buzzing. Because all my friends are like annoying and my brain, all of a sudden you know I don't know where my brain is thinking about like an ex boyfriend or something I sat on the playground. I shouldn't have said like. Where's my brain going? I don't know so in that moment. I like I. Think can't handle it because I can't do all those things at once, and so then I get one more requests from a kid or one more text message comes through and I. Just lose it and I snap. Because I'm stressed and my nervous system is lit up like warning warning alert, and then I lose it so. The other option is to do what I call single tasking, which is to do one thing at a time to have our brain, and our body focused on the same thing, just that one thing at a time now I'm not saying we can only ever single task and never ever multitask I. Don't think that's necessary. I just want parents to start. Realizing that multitasking is a stressor that can lead directly to loss of temper. And the other option is to single task, and when I really want people to think about doing one thing at a time is if they're already feeling strong emotions, or they're stressed out. That's a great time to slow down. Do just one thing. If. If there are dire consequences to any mistakes, so that's the reason we don't want people to talk on the phone while they're driving in the car. Because if you get distracted and screw up, they could be real real bad right, but you know if I'm listening to audio book.

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