So as you know, , Latino rebels is part of Food Doodo Media, which , is the nonprofit independent media company founded by Marina Hosa, , and if you've been following what Matia has been sharing the last couple of weeks, , she has a new book. . It's called once I was you it to memoir and I've seen Muddy A- work on the book talk about the book worry about the book. . Love, , the book hate the book. . To seeing her the whole creative process. . and. . Now, the , book is out and everyone loves the book and she's been on every other podcast. . Since we worked together I I said, , you need to be back on Latino rebels radio. . Not. . Only because. . You know we work at full Doodo media. . OR WE CO host an in the thick podcast. . But. . Because we're friends and we're family so. . Here's money a wholesale on Latino rebels radio talking about. . Book. . Once I. . was you. . Maria. . This is the fifth fourth or fifth time I've had you on some form of Latino rebels whether it's radio or streaming. So. . . You're quickly becoming quickly becoming enough Latino rebel. . He knew I knew I. Knew . About Latino rebels before I knew about you know crazy. . No but listen I, , know it's been. . It's been such a historic week for you. . With the book launch, , and then you're on Lulu Garcia now audio and we're doing it in the thick, , and then the Lou Garcia now laterals interview shows up on Latino USA and you're doing all this promotion. . AT OPRAH DOT COM YEAH OPRAH DOT com, , and then you got these amazing reviews and and it's I'm an you know you're like. . It's crazy what's happening but I wanted to just have a conversation you and I with no like the book will come out of this conversation but I'm not going to be like Maria tell me about your book you know what I mean. . Like I, , want I want us to be like just you and me. . TO GIVE PEOPLE SORT OF A. . I don't know like a feel of what we do behind the scenes a little bit I mean there's a little bit of crazy that has to happen when you're like I'm in a launch, , my own company or I'm GonNa Launch, , you know something like letting rebels and I'm just going to do it and I'm Elliot died. . So there's a of you know. . For one way or another for one reason or another jumping off a cliff and just being like but we got this in one and so I feel like food thorough and Latino rebels and everything that you know in the fake and everything that has come as a result is really because we have nothing to lose Indian this you know that we had. . People are like what am I ain't got none your so it's like I. . Mean I have a lot but I'm just saying like A. . doodle I didn't have. . My own company and I was like. . How scary was that house like we've talked about this but how scary was that moment for you because you talk about it in the book but you. . Know I talk about it in the book because there's it's a very important moment because what you gotta get the book to really get all the juicy details but they. . Don't reveal too much. . Basically I'm told by a very important network show. . That that I should like, , take a hike <hes> and comeback. . When some of the white guys had died and I was an I get into the subway and I'm crying Hulu I'm crying in the subway I'm alone I think that there's a real understanding of you know. . We are psychic psychically and in many ways tied to our family but we're also very deeply existential. . Alone I'm sorry. . I go there. . You know it's just like we stomas Finale Quintas sister solo or <unk> in says, , I got home I called my sister and I said Britain. . I said, , I cannot go on unemployment. . I've never gone on unemployment and I don't have a job. . And very immigrant t very Mexican. . The I was like I can't. . I cannot tell my father that I went on unemployment and so people. . Who See your brightness your star, , your shot they see it from afar. . You have a hard time seeing it yourself. . You know this often happens to us and people had said why don't you do your own thing deepa Sunday that you're of our board was like do your own thing I was like this look what are you talking about? ? What my own thing and at that point you know somebody else had said I'll help you and so then I just said. All . right. . Well, , let's do this and we had no assurance. . We had no funding. . We had nothing we drew up some paperwork. . and. . You start it in your in your in your apartment in my apartment. . In Harley, , actually I ended up I. . my first office was exactly in the area of the apartment where I ended up finishing writing the book because we had to rearrange the apartment. . You know we live in New York we don't. . We don't have like a huge apartment so. . GotTa move some things are actually the altar had to be moved the friend had. . And the kids were still I mean, , your kids were still kids I. . Mean I know they're older now but you're talking we're talking ten years ago. . Yeah yeah, , Yeah Yeah they earn motherhood you were in the well, , you know we'll. . Yes. . Although I think that's an ongoing conversation honestly, , and the book is in inspiring these conversations in my own family, , right? which ? is so where was mom? ? Where was she was she here where she present? ? Did she feel present? ? Did she give us what we need? ? So those are ongoing conversations especially because right now while I'm getting a lot of attention for the book this time also when I have to be giving attention to my family, , there's always that balance and I think that's part of what the message of the book is. Is . a psycho Saddiqi. . Oh, , you have it all you can have many things, , but you're going to have to work at them and it's going to mean sacrifice and risk anyway to answer your question will you he was a very scary time I was so scared, , I had no idea what to expect. .