Hunter, NPR, Carlos discussed on Mindful Mama - Parenting with Mindfulness


And hopefully you can find it at your local bookstore. Yay. All right, so you know when I read that little introduction there and I totally had my NPR voice going on. It was awesome. I was thinking about everything you do, hunter, and it blows me away. So your coach and you teach these courses and you have this membership program and your podcast and you put this awesome stuff on social media that totally makes me think and pause and actually put down my phone because I shouldn't be staring at it anyways. And you have this great newsletter like you're doing all the things and you have if I'm not mistaken like two kids and a life and a husband and all that stuff. So why did you write a book? I mean, you already have these amazing ways of getting the news out into the world and writing a book is a ton of work and it's not always fun. So what were you thinking, lady? Tell me, why did you write this book? Well, that's a good question. I didn't know how much work it was. Maybe that's why. I was like, I could do this. I could do this. I've always been I've always been one of those, you know, the smart kids in the class, getting the grades doing achieving, doing the things, and I was always a good student. And I always liked I've always been really literary, really into reading really into writing, I read a lot, like if I need to escape, I'm in a book. And I kind of realized I said, the reason why I wrote this book is really that I saw that there was this world, the sort of parenting world, and there's all these things that are out there. And there's all this information out there that's really wonderful and valuable and good. And I saw that there were sort of these seemed like to me, there were two camps that weren't really talking or paying attention to each other. And so I was very much, I spent a lot of time in the world of that mindfulness camp, because I'd been studying about it since I was a teenager because I desperately needed it. And I had learned a lot about meditation and mindfulness and all of those things. And then as my kids got became alive, frankly. And then started to talk back to me and all those things I started to dive into this sort of parenting world, and how can I do this better? And I'm really doing a terrible job at this. So let me do this better. And what I saw is that in the mindfulness world, the kind of mindset was like, okay, if we can just calm down our stress response, we can calm down and move slower and be more patient than everything's gonna be fine and you're just dandy. Excuse me for laughing, go ahead. And then in the parenting world, there was this, there was this sort of like this sort of mindset of like, well, if you can just say the right things, if you can just respond to the right way, you know, write an air quotes, then everything's just going to be fine, and you're going to be okay. And what I really was frustrated with and sort of the parenting world was like, okay, every single instruction starts with step one pause. But how do you do that? And then it'll be fine. Just become, it's easy. Just become just approach them in a calm way. Great. How do you do that? And then, you know, and then in that mindfulness world, it was like, well, once you're calm, you're just going to miraculously know what to say, and that was complete BS, because then I would say something that was like something kind of maybe a little unskilful that my parents might have said to me. And then when I was a kid and then it would be my toddler would be like a time bomb like exploding again to the words I was saying. So I saw that one without the other was not enough. That in the parenting in that communication world, there really needed, they really needed a lot of this information about step one, how to calm your stress response, how to have more self awareness, how to get to that place of more awareness you can respond thoughtfully. And then in the mindfulness world, they needed, you know, mindfulness wasn't enough. You really needed those skillful communication. So I saw that mindfulness and skillful communication. They needed to come together. And so that's really what raising good humans does is bring these two things together. And that's what I see as the wings we need to fly are like, we need to be able to calm down our stress response, have more self awareness and kindness within. And we need to be able to communicate better to our children in a more effective way to our children. Hunter, that is amazing. And so many kudos to you because one of the things I love about your book is you jam so much information in there, but it's not 800 pages long, which is great because I can't read 800 pages. But you do it in a way that feels really accessible and readable and I was like drawn into the book and I just kept reading. It was awesome. And you really tackled both of these hard issues because like in my most recent book, I didn't tackle the issue about what do you actually do once your calm? I was basically like hey parents. Here's how to not lose it. And PS good luck with the rest of it. So I'm very thrilled and happy and as a parent who loves these kind of books and is a mindfulness practitioner. I'm so grateful that you wrote this book because I need it. We all need it. So Carlos book is wonderful, by the way, and you should get it. How to stop using it. Losing your beep at your kids. Guys, really what this podcast is going to be is a little love fest between me and hunter talking about how great our books are. So just enjoy that. Enjoy that. But listen, hunter, look, one of the things I love about you and your podcast and your book is how honest and relatable you are and, you know, usually when I think of like yoga mamas, I'm like, oh my God, they're skinny and perfect and calm all the time and they bake their own food and never make processed food and whatever. But the point is you don't do that. I mean, I don't know, maybe you do do that, but you're also honest and real and authentic. And you open the book with a very authentic moment, which is this memory that I think many of your readers and listeners can relate to, which is you like crying on the floor after you've lost it with your kids, right? I think you're out in the hallway, and you just lost it. And I've cried after I've lost it absolutely. And so, but now I don't think you're crying in the hallway as much anymore, right? I'm hoping I don't cry in the hallways. Although it's okay, it's okay if you do, we're having a lot of compassion here. It's okay if you do. But really, I'd love to hear about some of the changes you've made in your life and your parenting style that I think are reflected in this book, right? But what are some of the changes you've made in your life and your parenting since that moment that maybe readers and listeners could

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