Keith, Danny, Corona discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

What's what what would you guess was the rate of this guy's coughing guessing here because I did not right. Yes but were as much as frequently as every five minutes. Keith. I mean it's crazy too much too much calling it blue flu. I just find it catchier but people have told me it's racist I actually like Wuhan and I'm very interested in it now. I'd like to visit someday except as a Cuban I would never step foot in a communist country okay. These are my tactics a TA. For practicing them. I have believe I may have corona virus anyway. I realized I coughed four times yesterday. But I measured my temp if they among. Okay okay. So I think he's not being an asshole he just generally is an asshole at the corona. Just going you know we see you now right. Can we upgrade this guy to piece of shit? I think shit all right so the trains shore but I think he'd be moving trains all the time. Somebody's always clear throat or doing something. Yeah that's true. The racist part about your guessing traveled unless you go buy luggage with too many stickers just told you breath by everybody fancy bags you know. There's ways you can tell you could smell an international. You guys are travel internationally very often. I can smell it on you. Come on I think you just have to avoid the train Mandy H. Roe definitely why. Why not a not only is this fake but every single listed is ineffective or racists. Here's my new this for you there. You Go Stephanie. Eh. Said you're the ASSHOLE for vaping. I don't understand this. Little public announcement. What are people still hate on the vapors? GimMe a break or the pen chewers. Don't act like you're not one of us you of the oral fixation. I feel like the pen isn't giving me popcorn. Long Dodd strong rights. I call Bs. No improv show draws one hundred fifty. You're just trying to make you feel good well. It sounds like your brothers doing well. Yeah yeah this person's brother is doing a lot better than this person is pretty depressing at. Lisa's person odd Keith. And the girl has this person called his brother and see how he's doing not not enough not enough. I gotTA check it on that Kiddo. But I did so. You guys smelled it right away because you know. I'm a lunatic but I I really did all this stuff. It's not fake but I posted this to the group and nobody knew nobody knew it was me and A lot of people called it fake and they're like this is fake and I just thought it was funny because I was like wow. My personality sucks so much just like no. It's not real ridiculous are you. Like I can't prove it but let's assume it's all real. Yeah Yeah I love this say well now you're not you're not leaving so who cares You know not to go to Improv. Shows now so who cares? You're not even using the subway. So who cares so? Yeah you're good now and I did get called out for the Wu flu and that's racist so I don't say that anymore and I had a Brian Yang on our podcast is in New York comedian and he had this great tweet. Their wet insanely viral. And he said if you guys keep calling it the Chinese virus that we get to call it. The white mass shooting sure. Yeah well I think we still get to call it the white mass shooting and not get to call it. Woo Anything got it. Yeah Okay I didn't know where our buddy Elvis said. Why are we calling those Maga- hats Chinese hats where they come from? I'm not comfortable with that. Shit he just added to the site. Let's see give us another. Ta For uninviting people to my baby shower due to corona virus You're just an idiot. Yeah of course you are. You're an asshole for expecting it to happen. Yeah I I go by headlines. But I'm sure the facts will change my mind. Please continue my baby. Shower is planned for. May night a few weeks ago. I said now invites to route twenty five ladies and was planning separate. Sorry let me say that against may ninth. Okay baby shower right Edwards planning a separate but nearby gathering for the guys and kids with corona virus sweeping the country. I'm coming to terms of the fact that I might need to cut my guest list down to just a few people or consider cancelling it. I've continuing to monitor the situation closely. WanNa make health and safety are priority. One Second House on top of it closely. She turned the TV on like we all did. She's on top of closely. She's a scientist for an uncle between her and her doctor. Nephew the really fucking case. Someone called Jared Kushner share the information you turned on the TV the way you check the weather map shut up. Everyone say that I think you're so every what is said some shit like this. You're not monitoring monitoring together and I understand. You can't just go one source of news so all my friends different sources of news. We combine it. We call Dr Fouled. She's cousin and we to the bottom of what's happening right now. I go to a news. Aggregate website this many different. I'm anyway so she says. I'm monitoring the situation but selfishly. I'm very sad at the thought of having to cancel my special celebration. Would I be the asshole? If I uninvited some people and kept it to just a few very close friends and family members now is not the asshole because you're debating between only those options Manina. No she could tell which one of her friends is not only corona virus infected but ovulating and live. So you don't know how well she knows her friends. You don't know the bond that women have and that baby that gives you ESP. For a while. I don't know if you guys know that like it's it's when they say it's a special time and like you watch people get pregnant over and over again after being in so much pain and labor. That's because you get special magical power. It's Saddam now. Everybody wants to be uninvited. You fucking idiot an asshole to the people. You didn't uninvite people don't get it. They just they fought. They fought for so. My Dad is a fighter. My Dad was I mean Three days ago I was yelling at a dad. You gotTA stop playing. He likes pickle ball. Pickle ball is no. It's like tennis for people. Over the age of seventy it's played with a giant paddle and the balls wiffle ball. It's like you literally play like crouching halfway down my Gra- anyway he's like I need to play pickle ball and my mom is like you're endangering me you're exposing me to the pickle ballers and he's fighting us and then finally one of them got. Kerr virus and he's like alright. I go so we'll play seriously. Yeah it took it took it took someone in the community getting it for cave. Oh Wow okay. I think that is what it's taking. And now they finally started showing bodies on the news and I say finally because I feel like well you know in bags and stuff but You know they're being mass. Well what do you call it produced But I think you know in theory. People can't hold that a pandemic is what it is until you see some of that stuff and I I I was like how come you're not showing us the freezers of people and you know the mass graves that they're building and stuff like that and I think maybe it'll scare some people inside. I figure hundred percent right. I think people like I. It's not a big deal and then they'll say that until lay personally know someone it's like a I dunno it's just abstract but I think you're right. They should do more of that to scare people. It's very hard to process especially with you. Know the different News outlets that people watching some people just watch twitter me But it's it's just it's too much while the president is saying one thing and scientists are saying others and what's God saying and churches are trying to stay open. Which leader are you going to listen to without panicking anyway? Who Else is an asshole? Every everybody's waiting to cancel your thing and by that I mean nobody gives us shit. You're not even on their fucking calendar anymore. All right. Can you imagine I get a fucking folk only go? Hey you're still on the list. You better be here idiot. Why don't you care about my baby that I'm having people answer some of these Danny that this is not a list under that goes fuck off? Fuck you Diana ditch. People aren't as angry as you. Keith all right you know. Just can't Stephanie. Andro just cancel it. Get over yourself stormy as why ta now and and saw what you saw. She said no assholes here but since it isn't for a couple of months you might just consider letting people know that you are monitoring the situation keep monitoring it. Yeah Yeah let me know then called New York one ridiculous. Only people are getting you. I don't know I feel like you're being very harsh about this. But was there a moment where you had out or were you instantly on board for all this? Yeah I was on board. You know. You knew it was news Somebody came into our studio that happen to have a cold. Oh boy and we're like Oh. This is a weird timing so it was a little nervous then and then over the weekend can deny decided we go remotely. Yeah but the thing is is. I could understand the trickle into it. I can understand people deciding you know. This is the day that I decided and a different day for other people until they say it's a pandemic and until they say this is what a pandemic means and the fucking government is asking you to stay home and trying to bribe you with very little money. But I don't so where's the point where you didn't hear yet that it's a pandemic and said. Hey Siri what the fuck does that mean right? And if you're planning I'm going to assume if you're planning your the what do you call this stupid fucking thing. Maybe shower this baby shower. You guys can help speed it up faster. I wouldn't have to think out loud so you WanNa have this baby shower so much. I guarantee you're going outside. You're one of these people once you go outside nowadays because I was out on my toilet paper not to Brac you. You know you F- You feel like an asshole. If you're not wearing a mask you also you start over like if you went grocery shopping. Don't you feel you start over now? I can get it from here right right once. You realize the whole situation that you are looked at like an asshole. If you don't have a mask that's the end of your fucking girl Dumb Shit. What's it called again? Baby shower deliberately waited on that. Yes they did they did. I was actually booked on a show arose. Show at Your Comedy Club. Like right the day Broadway close. They're just like there's no Broadway and I was like. Hey Man. I don't think I'm GonNa do this like Shitty show that doesn't matter Potentially die or potentially contaminate everyone at the show and He was like no no. You need to do it and I was like all right all right. I'll do it. I mean it was a roadshow too so I felt like I looked like a coward and then the show ended up being cancelled like right at the last minute so I actually goes like right on the border line of the day people realize which is like a third first Thursday in March. I think people started that. I really fought for our the annual standup show. What do we do it? Live and surprise. Only the first ten people that bought tickets are in and then we spread them out very far and then things just kept getting scarier and scarier that. That's that's even silly to do while supplies more than ten tickets were than refunded A. That was a fun day click. Are you sure you WANNA REFUND? Do I tell some people? They can't come to the south. Yeah you seem you. You went to Italy last year. Why don't you stay home? Danny sniffs you you are so this was kind of interesting because you guys do an April fool saying April fool's Action Act now. April's was April. Fools is always cancelled for me but this year I was like all you saw was April fools was canceled on twitter and facebook and stuff and I woke up this morning. I said if anyone April fools me today they're out of my life I cannot anymore this is I mean. It's not on brand with what I want in my life and then this is just the nail the hammer those things. But you guys won't do it any year you've never you've never done like a keith. And the girl April Fools Prank. Now my brother does it on me and I cry. Yeah and then he regrets it and then Keith is like why are you doing my sister? 'cause THEY USUALLY. Michael includes Keith. Also because it's usually a prank our business L. O. L. O. L. O. L. Right you just lost all your money's. Yeah he did that. I got a good one for you guys. I think this is a lot of fun. You should announce next April fools. You're changing the name of the show to girl and Keith. That's fine but people would love that they would let it. Then you just keep it. Yeah you know what Don Thank you. WanNa try it as a joke in case it takes so this one is ait for wanting to do an April fool's prank on behalf of my company. I worked for a yes. Sorry one second yes. Okay go ahead. Yeah I work for small textile would do your show Danny but it's like if I hosted be five minutes long I would. I would release that. You just go yes.

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