Gold Medal, Beijing, Pibor discussed on The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey
We never said the words just kind of the silence and you know, and so and there was it played relation for a while. Like even when I was writing this book we had, we had like a real breakdown about this, and I realized that he was also carrying a lot of hurt and misconceptions and untrue st- that he carried because of the of this situation we went through two, so it was very healing for us to both go through this process of writing. And so I get on the plane and I am just broken. I'm broken. Like I feel like. You I crossed the line for myself that I never thought I would, and I do. I literally felt like unredeemable it's like, you know it. It felt like the right thing to do because I believe that this is what God wanted for me like everything point on next to be an Olympic champion. Like I when I was nine I had, I knew I was gonna be Olympic champion. I know God gives us our dreams and it's like, why would I be in this situation? And it was really hard for me as you can imagine. And so I guess the Beijing and for the first time, mine tire life. I don't feel like I'm just running seven other women. Women are running my own shame and disappointment, and just a burden and weight of it all was just too much. And so I ended up finishing third in that race and and I almost feel like a part of me like almost sabotage myself, like I felt like it was almost like my sorry, like I don't deserve the gold medal because I'm not. I'm not a champion anymore. I'm I'm this kinda scarred woman and so I'll never forget it. And I showed this in my book, I am broken. I am like bawling and I, it's so funny how people sometimes don't know where we don't know what we're going through. And at the time there was no social media, but I got all these emails because people saw me on the podium and I was literally balling and Pibor like your year, disgraced American ungrateful winner. You won the bronze where I you, and it was so much more than that, like I could be gracious in defeat, but it was way more than just down just been through. Yeah, I had been through an emotional loss, a spiritual loss. And now a physical loss and side is felt like my world was crushing down and so I get on the bus, so so so like I told you a deal. There's not there, right? My mom and sister are there my aunts and I had a lot of family there, but in my now, my mom, my sister knew no one else do my coach didn't know. Yeah, my mom's sister my best friends like they knew my dad didn't even know my dad had no for many years, and so they were all like, what happened to this girl? She's a mental case. I, how could she I? I should have won by fifty meters, not just one I should have buried them. Yeah, and so I learned forget I get on a bus because the option is to go to the village or to go see my family. I don't want to be in the village because I wasn't asking, you know. So I jumped on this bus and it's not a Olympic bus because it's not taken to the village. I'm on a public bus and I'm in the back and I'm still crying can barely even see through my eyes and I look around, I realize I don't think I'm going in the right direction so I get off the bus and now I am. It's like my internal turmoil is now I'm lost..