Christina discussed on All of It

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Behalf and we speak with Christina so national domestic violence hotline from national domestic violence hotline in just a few moments so what were the questions that your friend asked you I'm asking this so the people know what kind of questions to ask someone they suspect might be in a dangerous situation corporate being unless they're more than and after and it's asking if they're okay asking them to describe what they're experiencing and asking if they need help and in I think it's important to be empathetic and also to be open and also to realize that even if you the listener talking to your friend might want them to get out immediately it might not be possible I mean so many women are trapped in situations where they're financially dependent where their care givers where they have children but it's really important that we prevented much harm and danger as possible and like for me when I was working on the book I wrote down a list for myself of it so I said I wish I had been given and if it's helpful I'll read that advice now it's short because the great so number one is document what is happening include dates and correlate them with supporting material like email exchanges and photos number two tell someone ideally more than one person whom you trust not to tell anyone else number three figure out whom you can speak with who will know what to do such a domestic violence expert or a lawyer number four know that you are not alone and you are not crazy number five it's okay to feel traumatized but please don't feel ashamed number six if your partner is not willing to acknowledge the problem and get professional help get away your partner is probably not going to change and then the last bit of advice are don't worry about your abuser focus on yourself you are the most important part of this equation and I just wanna close about that's my list of advice there are some things that mean happening around the world in this country that I feel are important to highlight Canada recently announced that as part of its code nineteen economic groups response plan it would invest up to forty million dollars for shelters and sexual assault centers across the country who needs additional additional resources to prevent or manage these outbreaks and it was in the news just last week that Riana through her Clara Lionel foundation and Jack Dorsey the CEO of square and Twitter what the whole funding of four point two million dollar grant to the mayor's fund for Los Angeles to help domestic violence victims they're finding approximately ninety people per week divest are being turned away from the shelters because of resources said this grant will help cover those additional cases and I feel like that's happening in Los Angeles it's happening in Canada you need to happen all over this country and all around the world there are plenty of people billionaires who can help solve not just this problem but many problems and they need to step up because there are billions have been made on the back of other people's work and those people are suffering right now and they can support organizations that are on the front lines many of which are in desperate need of funding these domestic violence organizations food banks Federer my guess is Tonya so rotten and the name of her forthcoming book is assume nothing and memoir of intimate violence you suffered abuse from your significant other who at the time was former New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman and I only bring that up because he's very powerful person and you write a lot about about him about what his that sense of power and we all know that this is largely about power for someone you know I would love for you to speak to the person who is listening right now and feels powerless because you went up against a very powerful person what would you say to that woman who for child who's feeling powerless right now I well first of all my heart breaks for that person because I know that one of the reasons my story was able to be told was that because the perpetrator in my situation was a powerful person if he hadn't been a powerful person the media might not have cared but we're seeing stories about women now during this lockdown being subjected to horrific violence and to them I would say again you are not alone and you are not crazy and there is help for you and that the most important part of this equation if you and that you eat you must seek help and there is help for you and you know it's really important to understand it until you're in it like until I was in it it's hard to explain the psychological manipulation that goes on the mystic violence we think about physical abuse but it is very much emotional abuse its financial abuse its digital abuse having your cell phones and computer activity monitor and eat a really hard cycle of abuse to break out which is why it's so important to talk to a professional who knows what to do great seeing thousands of cases like in my case Jennifer Friedman from sanctuary for families it's almost like the victims of abuse need to be on brainwashed they need to be on gas flat and so that's what I would say to women who feel like they might be powerless in this situation I did speak with Tanya summer autumn author of the forthcoming book assume nothing a memoir of intimate violence I hope you come back and speak to us for your book gets official pub date Tanya I would love to Alison I am a huge fan and I think what you're doing on your show is so important right now we need you thanks honey thank you so much UP next Christmas communications director of the national mystic views hotline Cher's resources to help people currently isolated who are in.

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