Listen: Jemma, Gemma Hartley, Twitter discussed on Nobody Told Me!
"I had no idea it would resonate like that. And it was so exciting when it did. Because you know, I already knew that this. Was something that I could write a book about something. I was passionate about I felt like I talked to my friends about it all the time. But I thought, oh, it's just you know, me, and my friend group are very similar, and you know, you kind of surround yourself with people like you and the outpour of response to that article brought people from all different walks of life. I was just astonished by how many different people, and then again, as I wrote the book, I was so surprised by how universal emotional labor was you know, across the board talked a little bit about the backlash that you received for that first article women aren't nags were just fed up. You can't I did get some and some of it was really constructed some of it was that it was too narrowly focused on my experience, and that it really was not inter sexual enough. Because. You know, black women and women of color, do so much more emotional labor than I will ever do that I will ever understand and a lot of that was just you know, I had fifteen hundred words, and it was a personal essay. But dot brought it to my attention. And I was able to go into that in the book, which was wonderful and the other backlash that I got with generally just from men who thought I was too demanding. And that I'm or that didn't even believe emotional labor existed, which I have a whole book about it. I, you know, I'm fairly certain it exists and as for the I'm just too controlling or too demanding. I think that is really just a cop out saying, I don't wanna do the work on myself. So I you know, I didn't get too much backlash that I'm aware of. I didn't really. Like check Twitter anything when it was going on when I knew it went viral. So I sort of protected myself from a lot of that. But I did I did get a lot of that constructive criticism, which really helped inform the book, what do you think the response to the book will be I really hope that the response to the book will be positive, obviously, I I would hope that the author, but I really hope that men will be able to read this, and you know, or talk with their partners about it and get a deeper understanding of this as not, you know, not something that is an attack against them. But an invitation to come into better relationships and to really help them live better lives on more equal ground with their partners Jemma, as you know, our show is called nobody told me and at the end of each show. We ask our guest. What is your nobody told me lesson? So in your case, what is it that nobody told you about emotional labor that you wish you'd known? Oh, man. Nobody told me that emotional labor was not something that could be fixed with a single conversation. I really thought after we had that one talk that sort of you know, was wrapped into the article on mothers day, how I said, you know, I don't wanna have that for help. I want you to have equal initiative. I thought that would solve everything and it hasn't. So I wanna told me that because it would have saved me a lot of grief, but it's a long process, and I'm so happy to be in the middle of it right now and Jemma how can people connect with you on social media. I am on Instagram at Jemma underscore Hartley. All right perfect. Good her while our thanks to Gemma Hartley, whose new book is called fed up emotional labor, women and the way forward. I'm Laura Owen. And I'm Jan black. And you've been listening to nobody told me thanks so much for joining us.."