Listen: New York Lake, New York, Lake discussed on Almost 30 Podcast
"Holidays. I think it was like the day after the holidays. And you know we sat down and we were at dinner and I just was you know in my my story in my head and what I was thinking was like bats you at some point would like leave. You would leave me and you would leave the business and you would like I would have to do everything and I would have to own everything because you wanted to leave and the way in which that I you know. Operate within. Things is different than everyone. So it's like for me. I always would double down and like make it painful. And it's like back doesn't work but that was like the story I was telling you know and then there was like another situation where I felt like incredibly triggered by that feeling. You know incredibly like you know you would leave us and you would leave us when I talk about us. The team and leave me and abandoned me and like that. I could like not trust you. You know and I've had that really just as like a huge mirror for me within my life about trusting women and like being able to like be with them and not feel like they were going to abandon me and so it's like to have this opportunity where there is like two situations that were you know not really in reality but we're kind of contrived in my head to make me think that and then to realize and say it out loud was like okay like this is actually a pattern that showed up in my life and now with you wear a share like everything business life everything to have that come up it was like. Oh fuck like this is the work. This is the work right now. Yeah and and I also had to really recognize what my pardon all of that was. You know your your experience. 'cause it wasn't just in your head you know what? I mean so like for example you know I have a new relationship and he lives in New York and so you know. There is some things over the holidays. Where I I should have managed my time better and also been very clearly communicating about my time off and when I would be online you know which is something. Always learning within like proper protocols and so that was that was really my responsibility. And also like recognizing that. Hey there's like I'm in love and there's like this very real possibility granted. I know that it's not happening anytime soon. But I need to be communicating you about like Ham not going to move to New York Lake. I'm here like I would never leave you. And you know I really having that conversation with you made me realize that I am. I can be a contributing factor to your experience. Oh my communication with you is very very key and I haven't been a great communicator. It's very hard for me because I am so affected by. I'm affected by other people's experiences. Why kind of like more myself and tame what I say so that either you won't get upset or that you won't feel like you can't trust me or that your fear won't be you know at full throttle you know. I just and that doesn't serve you. I think the honesty period the end is what serves both of us and I have to trust that our connection will allow that truth to just move us forward in a positive direction rather than worry about like. Oh is Christine going to be a little pissed in the moment when I tell her ex because our relationship has run so much deeper than that surface stuff it was very very important for me to realize that and I've just been since then to just going living moment by moment in that way. Were I understand what my responsibility is? And just practicing that communication more and more checking in with you not feeling like or not assuming that you'll just tell me when things are wrong to you know what I mean just making it a two sided conversation yen in you know to the point of like telling someone when things are wrong. It's like I have really been able in my romantic relationships with men being able to explore those conversations and feel much better about the way that we communicate through a problem or issue because that was my experience with my dad. And you know it was easy for me to kind of feel safe and feel like you know. I was always supported or that I could express myself. Honestly you know but I never had that modeled with with a female. So it's like it has been like a learning experience for me. You know through my life to lake actually have conversations were we express ourselves openly and honestly and know that it doesn't mean you're bad it doesn't mean that like anyone is wrong or right and that no one's going to go away you know that feeling of like having a relationship with a woman as another woman and the fear of them staying with you through. The hard times says like never felt super solid for me You know although I have all my Gosh I had the the most beautiful best friends in the world you know in. That really has come to a head at this year these years in my life where I feel so comfortable but lake. I just feel like it's it does feel harder for women to like really trust one another and that way definitely definitely and I think because we're both as women were just very intuitive so like what is unsaid is usually I mean I was having like physical reactions where I was like things that we're not said I could feel my body like I never get stomach aches but I'd be like Whoa. You know like the body was kind of telling me like you need to communicate like this. This is reality and what's happening and you can't ignore it so I just thought that it's it's been really healing appealing for me and it also made me think about you know where. I'm meeting in quotes to be validated. And I found myself wanting like more validation whether it's from you or people in general what the is that you know because I I know that our relationship is so solid point where I'm like. I know that she values who I am. Would then this equation and X Y and Z? Our and then it made me think about lake. Okay so where am I not? Validating myself you know so. I was like really looking for validation outside of myself because I wasn't. You're thinking Omani guys so many but you know anymore like if I'm not practicing validating myself every day and that could literally mean looking in the mirror and be like you did a great job you the best you could. It's those little things and reminders. That kind of fill the holes. That may maybe. I'm looking to plug up by a validation from you and it just made me think a lot about that because I think I've always wanted validation whether it's for my dad like just from people in my life where I'm like Just tell me doing a good job and and I've noticed when someone tells me like while it's amazing you did a really great job. I literally like have the body reaction where I have more energy I alike. Have you know better posture? I'm like ready to go onto the next thing. But if I'm seeking that validation I just feel."