Depression discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush
Someone other than your friends a professional person. Who's listening to you in an office. Who also has been trained to do so. Well we'll offer you different things than than friends. My are are there. Are there terms for the differences that our audience should know about yeah. There's such a difference between what happens between friends and what happens when you bring something to a therapist. There's this Buddhist notion that i write about of idiot. Compassion versus wise compassion so idiot compassion is what we do with our friends. Our friends come to us and they say listen to what happened. Can you believe that so. And so did this. And we say yeah. They were wrong. You were right how terrible. I can't believe that happened to you. And then it feels so delicious in the moment. Doesn't it when your friend says that because you feel so validated but the problem with that is that you don't learn anything from the experience you can't see what your role was. You can't see that. Maybe there's a different way to respond to that. And i'm not saying by the way that there aren't sort of difficult people in your life ray because everybody is difficult. People we have the saying as therapists before diagnosing someone with depression. Make sure they aren't surrounded by assholes. So i like that so so there are always going to be difficult people but the question is what are you doing in that relationship. Do you need to be in relationship with that person. If you want to be in relationship with that person what are you. Doing that is exacerbating the situation. How do you contribute to this person acting in this way toward you. How are you responding in a way. That makes it even worse Do you have boundaries. What kind of boundaries do you need right And so the the problem with idiot compassion. As if you listened to your friends over time you will probably hear some kind of pattern in the sense of. They're telling the same kinds of stories over and over. Maybe a different cast of characters may be the same person they're complaining about but it starts to sound very much the same starts to sound like a broken record. It's kind of like if fight breaks out and everybody you're going to maybe it's you but we don't say that to our friends with idiot compassion because we feel like our friend will feel unsupported by us. What you get at a therapist. Is you get wise compassion. Which is we hold up a mirror to you and we help you to see something about yourself that maybe you haven't been willing or able to see and that's where change happens and so it's very different when you think about well. I feel really good. When i complained to my friend about this person in my life i feel really good in the short term but notice that. Nothing's changing notice that you weren't moving growing and that's what you're going to get you therapist you're going to have. That mirror held up in the most compassionate way. So that you can see yourself more clearly and that gives you choices..