Courtney, Emily, Postnatal Depression discussed on Sex With Emily
She can't wait to see this guy again. So this is actually maybe this is a good thing because this is gonna happen anyway. Like that could have totally happened and you might have come home and had a bad date and that could suck too. So I think that there might be a way just to ask her calmly like how is her night and maybe there's a way to let that information turn you on? Maybe could be some fuel that actually gets you aroused when she's telling you about what happened. You guys have done all the right things it sounds like you've said the boundaries, the rules you've talked about it, you went slow and had dates during the week. Truly the only bummer is that tonight your date canceled, but that doesn't mean that your whole you have to throw out the entire open relationship plan because of this one snafu. Of course. So I think either you could it's hard sitting here. It's a good test though, right? It's a good test of we're doing the right things. We did the right things and there's going to be other times where her day cancels or I don't have a date. This is what I'm saying. We're planning on hopefully doing it for the long term. So I mean, it's a really good test. Yeah, it's throwing exactly it. This is a test. This was going to happen anyway, and that's why you guys just continue to talk about. And a lot of people in open relationships have a lot of bumps in the world early on. And so I think that that's where you do the learning, and then after a few months or a few years, they're like, oh yeah, we got over that. You know, we worked through all the kinks. So I just think it's a great test and it sounds like you've been there for 8 years. She knows you. She probably knows what you can handle. And I think that the biggest thing is a little bit of fomo right now, but just don't let this disappointment. You don't want something happens like, I just try to think of like when you miss a flight and you're really excited for a trip and then you miss a flight and then you know all your friends are somewhere that you're supposed to be there and it's really painful because you just can't you know what I mean? You can't stop it, but you miss it. It's missing a party or yeah. So that's all it is. This is an isolated for a few more hours incident or maybe she'll be out tonight. I don't know, but it's don't let this ruin the entire foundation that you guys have laid out for you. You're going to be fine with this. Be strong. Thanks, Brian. Thanks for calling sex with Emily. Let's hear a word from our sponsors, then I'm talking to Chris who needs a little help staying hard while practicing couple swapping. We have an email from Courtney 29 in Australia. Hey doctor Emily, I love your show and I need your advice. I've been married for almost four years. I've known my husband since I was 12, and he's a phenomenal human. We both struggled with postnatal depression and the myriad of marital problems in our relationship since we had our first child three and a half years ago and have since had our second. We went to an intimate birthday celebration for a very close friend of ours, 30th. And I partied a little too hard and my husband went home before me. I ended up having a threesome with two of our closest friends. They are a couple, and my husband is struggling with it. There's obviously a lot more to the story, but perhaps I can share with you more later. Help me. All right, all right, I hear you Courtney. So you slipped and fell in a threesome. That happens. You know, I've slipped and fallen on a penis before and it's okay. You know, we all get through these things. But if you're a husband struggling, which I can imagine, you know, he is. These are your closest friends, and you guys have a really close, you've been with your partner since you were 12, but you've known him since you were 12. This is going to be really tricky. Now you also said there's a lot more to this story. And what made that makes me think is maybe there has been some prior attractions or maybe you knew the threesome was going to happen at some point. I'm not sure what it is. But it just sounds tricky and a little bit messy. And my advice to you is that you and your husband get into some marital counseling therapy right now to help you navigate this because it is trust that's been broken and when trust is broken in a relationship, you really need help putting it back together. Couples are not successful at doing it on their own. I've seen this happen all the time where someone's like, well, I apologize and it was three years ago and what else do they want me to do? You actually really need to get someone to help you navigate this. And you might also find working with this therapist that there's other tools that you're going to gain to help you guys communicate even better. In fact, this scenario of this situation of the threesome could actually bring you guys a lot closer. You said you've already been having problems in the relationship, so it sounds like seeing a therapist is really going to be the right decision for you guys right now. And the threesome, just think of it that way. It's the thing that got you into therapy, but from what I'm reading from your email here is that it's been something that's been coming for a while. And what you might sort out is that maybe being a little bit open or hooking up with another couple might be fine in your relationship down the road, but it sounds like since the trust was broken and it wasn't something that he expected and he was home sleeping. You're gonna need to first heal that. Repair your relationship and then figure out what you both want going forward. Because I want to remind everyone that any kind of relationship is possible, you have to remember that monogamy is the only model that we see everywhere in society and culture on television and movies, but we're living in a different time right now and monogamy was created for a bunch of reasons that have nothing to do with where we are today in society. If straightforward monogamy doesn't work for you or you'd like to figure out a way to open up something with your partner or maybe once a year, once a quarter or whatever it is, you guys get to decide. There's no relationship police that are going to come knock on your door and tell you that you're doing it the wrong way. So I hope by listening to this show today and just listen to show in general, it's going to help you all realize that the power of a healthy relationship and what you want to look like is in your hands. Thanks for your email, Courtney. Chris, peace 36 in Oklahoma, and he can't stay hard in couple swapping, but he can during threesomes, regardless of the third person's gender. Tell me what's going on. Break this down for me. I basically exactly what she said. We've been my wife and I have been playing around with third parties for a little over a year and we've decided we would try the couples thing because unicorns are hard to find. So. Ain't that the truth? So you've been in threesomes with men and women. Are you bisexual? Are you with men? Or is it she's with the men? Just her. Just her. Okay. So what happens is you swap, is it a married couple that you're swapping with? Yes. Okay. She and another room? No, we're together in the same bed so far. All four of you are in the same bed. Yes. Okay. Well, maybe that's part of it. What if you separated into another room with the woman? I think that would be easier for me with the other girl, but I'm afraid of where my mind will go otherwise. Well, here's the thing. First of all, you don't have to do this either, right? Like I don't want to know there's like a gun to your head. This might not be your thing, right? It might just be hard for you. But also know this, that a lot of the challenges that we have are on sex, whether it's swapping or even just having an orgasm or asking for what we want is because we're in our head and we're so worried. This is really a mindfulness practice. Do you have any practice with experience with meditation? Anything like that? Okay, well I'll make this.