Absalon, Joab, Aslam discussed on The ChoNilla Podcast


Rain and shit is popping off big time need was a huge mess of a fight and over. Twenty thousand men died there that day. My bad. that's okay. That's that's like war sound Okay so the forest was such a rough place to fight that more. Soldiers died from the battlefield than the battle itself. Oh yeah because it's hard to fight tripping over like you know routes you know smashing their heads on rocks and that kinda shit. Yeah yeah so holes mall all mall holes like the rural juror. A mole hole so we cut to aslam who is alone and riding a donkey away from the battle as he's riding away. His hair gets caught in a tree branch. Oh see so. The brands kind of pulls him off his donkey. Yeah and it's now holding him up off the ground as his donkey rides away. As absalon is struggling with struggling with his hair cut in the branches. He sees one of jobs men watching him. Oh yeah cut to joab yelling at his soldier. Are you fucking kidding me right now. Utah absalon dangling from a tree and you didn't kill him on the spot. I guess you don't want ten. Shekels or this fancy. Were your belt buckle. Oh well i guess. They gave out prizes sometimes. Achievement unlocked or their time. So factor feis their life right so the soldier claps back with a scarf. And his all you want me to kill the son of the king for ten shekels to be honest bro. I wouldn't do it for a thousand. We all heard david before leaving to. So yeah right right. Joe was not impressed and started to get angry and was all like god. Damn it gimme. Those bears joab grabs three spears and walks over to the tree were absalom is hanging from and he walked over there with ten of his armor bearers once he got there. He plunged all three spears into his heart and then his armor bearers down and they just attacked him to make sure he was dead. But he's okay. Yeah yes so. it's kinda cold. He's going to be crying forever. So suggest then. Joab grabs trumpet and use it to signal. Everyone that absalon absalon is finally dead. This caused all the fighting to stop and all the remaining troops went back to their homes to israel. Absalon manage to put up a monument before dying of himself. And it's still stands there to this day. Yeah yeah like this day before. Yeah yeah there's a monument in jerusalem the tomb of absalom. Yeah i'll talk about a little later. Okay so now. I is was eager to tell david. The news about winning the balance absalom joab was like. Yeah you don't want to give this kind of news to the king especially king david you can give him the news about something else some other time. He just needs some time. So joab then sees a cushy man and orders him to run and tell the king the news the cushy man bows and takes off running as fast as you can. as asked him is is watching. The cushioned man ran away. He starts getting impatient all like come on man just let me run behind him. Then so joy was puzzled and was all like. Why do you want to tell this the david so badly for you you're gonna get a prize or something I is gets a little shine..

Coming up next