Hans, Lebron, United States discussed on The Art of Charm
Yes not being in your head. Is the half the battle here. It's not that something's GonNa be funny or not be funny. It's actually being and committed to the interaction and being present to allow the conversation to move forward and we see this in clients all the time who try to work out this sort of Screenplay in their head of like I'm going to say this she's going to say that that I'm GonNa say this right and everyone's GonNa Laugh and then we're going to go on a date. Life doesn't work that way. Filmmaking doesn't work that right that's also putting people on a pedestal. And you get into just the industry in life in general you realize everybody's the same in everybody has their insecurities securities everybody has you know some sort of deep-rooted pain that they're trying to sort through every single day and once you realize that Kinda takes sort of out of everyone's hand yeah and and and certainly walking around feeling that pressure to be fun. Enough is difficult and Damian. That's why we run. The boot camps Improv is a great way to plug in and start working on your sense of humor and let go of what you think could be funny and not fun right. Yeah because you don't know until the audience laughs just one little point when add to this you are not broken because you think this way every guy on the planet has tried to figure out the best way of getting people to like him or getting girls to you engage in like him and you'll sit there for hours and hours and hours until you just give up and throw yourself into Rena and take shots. I I think in in you mentioned this earlier in a different answer I I think the hard part for a lot of people is they get so wrapped up in other people's opinions right realizing that that girl you're talking to. You doesn't know who you are. Nothing about your backstory knows nothing about how interesting you are. The only thing they're judging is your approach and that initial conversation and Response and the more present you are the more engaged in the conversation the better. It's going to go hands down every single time I agree I agree. I mean think about the people that you Respect the most or you strike them as the most confident they just fully embrace who they are so a lot of. It's not trying to put on and be we something that you're not you know if your awkward Goofy like rock with that like that's your thing you know. Yeah I have a frigging twelve year old face like I can barely grow facial official Harry now like this is. This is a lot of work right here in the making and it's like that's the boy is charmed. That's what it is. I don't try and go and like the tough guy live with tattoos and all this stuff. It's just you know rock what you got. Yeah play to your strengths definitely. Yes now. This is a question and I'm sure as a Young serve US achieved a lot of success this early in his career. It is a fine line. Dina's self assess the differs arrogance and confidence That's it's a good question. Actually I think being confident is knowing that you're the best but you don't have to feel the need to tell everybody all the time and you're humble humble confidence where it what's the phrase line doesn't go around telling everybody he's a lion that you just know right right absolutely and like Lebron doesn't need to go tell everybody is Lebron we know who yes and the reason you know because everyone else is taking care of that for you right if you're such a bad ass than everyone in the room is going to be talking about. How what a bad ass right right and then the other thing when I see this question though the first thing that came to my mind mine is why are you asking it? Are you trying to get some attention for yourself and you don't WanNa be come off as arrogant. Do you want to share some things things that you're excited about that you've accomplished and you don't want to be coming off as arrogant. That was my first thought and there is nothing wrong with padding yourself back when celebrating your wins as long but know that those those winds are there for those moments and you should to be focused on the next challenge. I think it's confidence is a belief in yourself. Arrogance is the comparison to other people right. And you're always yet exactly that you're you're when you move with arrogance you are constantly putting yourself as if you're better than somebody right. Arrogance is the judgment of others. Confidence is a belief in yourself. So if you find yourself judging other people's performance trolling them on and being harshly. Critical of other people putting them. Am Down to feel better. That's really when we're arrogant right. Confidence is a belief in yourself. An unbelievable things will work out and that you have the experience in the past of it working out. That's where we're we're building off of and it's when we're tearing people down when we're comparing other people and and looking at ways that we are better than them that's where we start to become arrogant right and you know it's it's really interesting at least from what I've observed over the last couple of years is that It seems like the the people that just came into. You know a little bit of money or just come into a little bit of success tend to be the more arrogant types and they tend to be the ones who are the most flash either by the car's doing all these things all the people that I I know personally in my life that are incredibly successful incredibly successful for musicians to real estate moguls. Yada Yada Yada. They're all the most down to Earth. Humble simple will kind human beings you say to yourself. Why like? That's what that's what it is like. I don't tear people down exactly. Humility opens far more doors ores than arrogance of course and the more flashy you are and the more that you are hourly self comparing and an advertising how much better you are than other people. The less opportunity. You're you can have of course one hundred percent and here's the thing you may not realize it but when you leave the room as someone who's arrogant people are talking and word gets out and people don't WanNa work with someone and who's arrogant rose willing to tear other people down and that's really for me you know I was labeled as it just for being quiet and sometimes when you're introverted and quiet. People people assume oh he sees naturally judging not realizing that. Hey there's an internal struggle going on in lacking in confidence so I think as you start to build confidence you you start to realize that. The comparison to others is not really relevant. You don't know their backstory. You don't know where they are on the cup or the come down. Whatever the case may be an end behind every success story story? Exactly your point. There's there's deep pain their turmoil their struggle. You may not see it and certainly social media isn't the best place to see it. Yeah but it's happening whether you want to believe it or not. The last one today is from Hans. One of our alums. If most of your friends are in their mid life looking at you johnny settled down do. Do you have any good ideas to spice up the get together. So they're more fun in in an elegant and charming way and I talked a little bit about this. You know certainly a lot of our guys coming through whether it's a relationship that ended divorce or just a change in their career and now they're in a new position They find themselves sort of unplugged from their friends and and looking for opportunities to make things fun and exciting to get people interested So what are some ideas that we can give Hans here to help Pam Have some more fun and get in. have his friends get together in a way that Maybe allows them to feel more comfortable. Well you know. Ask them what they want to do what they're interested in. I mean if they're settling down there's probably good reasons for that. They have children. Their lives are becoming more structured. They WanNa make sure that they can engage in their own life to the best of their abilities as they're getting older and so it's harder and harder for those people able to just take time off which you might have done in the old days rather easily but you know asking. I'd like to hang out with you. What can can we do this week? That would make it easier for us to spend some time together would certainly help with that. I think experience base as well like doing something new finding some adventure exploring lorraine a new part of town or even a new board game something that talking about spicing up like everyone as they olders exactly that gets stuck in a Rut a routine and and especially if you have kids you're balancing work in a family. It's easy to lose touch with the silly playful childlike state so having those opportunities building experiences experiences that allow people to learn new skills. Try New food experience. Something New Sihanouk part of town and of course that creates memories to this. Last question came from insects and Sexually Charlie asks last year I went through pretty major health scare at a young age and it made me realize that I've been wasting my life dude anxiety so I'm looking to gain confidence in myself and take more risk risk like starting my own business or asking for help from my tutor for my union degree. The last few weeks I've been listening to motivational speakers and feel more con- and feel more content with myself but I was wondering what else a young and raw young man can do to get things moving to start building that confidence. It's great that maybe you wake up and you listen to some Jacka willing can fire yourself up or maybe listen to age. Ain't Johnny at the art determine get inspired but there's only so much of that you can do the best best way to to learn and to fire self up and to gain. Confidence is to go out and do it certainly will. We've been speaking about today. Especially Sean as he puts it young and raw and a lot of it is just doing it and we were talking earlier about this like being insecure in a intimidating the word you used and sometimes the intimidation factor of doing something kind of just stops you from doing it now becomes overarching overbearing thing. So you just chip away. Just start small and keep working from there. The other thing about it is I think a lot of people think this idea of being inspired or being motivated as something that you find and it comes from inside. It's a it's a drive that you are engaged with that you already have. It's just whether or not you want to spar are with it. You don't wait to get motivated to go to the gym. You go to the gym motivated and habits come into play here right so looking at building out habits. Abets that lead to your goal is more important than trying to find the motivation or hope that confidence strikes and every single day you Jim. You're putting a little more weight on. That's building confidence tonight. One day you go in and you're setting your personal bests are not one day you go in and naturally. The film has made every single day as we heard your student of the craft. You're watching other modeling other people and then you're going and try and do it yourself You get some good feedback you start realizing. Hey things are working then. The confidence starts. It's all baby saps just break get down to small things but I get it like you always just want to. You know do a lot quickly. That's the other thing too like I. Fortunately have time on my side because I started so young so I never had to. I've never been in a place where you know older in life and being like Oh shit I wasted at I so yeah I guess you just put in the time whatever it is. We mentioned some of your projects. Where can our listeners? Find out more about exciting work. You've done Definitely so it's in a couple of different places but if you just Google Youtube twitter my name Matt Komo. That's my handle for pretty much everything so yeah to go check out YouTube instagram. And you find most the stuff there and get excited for the premiere I know. Yeah gotTA GOTTA finish the film but we're getting there fantastic joining the questions. Of course. Of course thank the grabbing..