A highlight from What Comes Next

RISE Podcast


Hey guys it's rachel. And i'm here i'm back. I'm finding myself in a really interesting place in my life in a really interesting place in my career and and any time i have i mean frankly anything that i've gone through in the last decade. I have walked through with you guys while it's happening and i think this is no exception and also this feels may be like a more important thing to process than anything that has come before so i am not going to devote every episode of my podcast to the work that i'm doing right now but i do think i wanted to talk to you guys about where i'm at after last week's episode so if you didn't hear last week's episode this is probably a great time to go. Listen in on matt. If you'd like to understand kind of what's going on in my world but in this week's episode. I wanna talk about what it looks like to make a mistake and what to do with that because will first of all. That's what i'm going through in real time. And secondly i think it's really important to have conversations about when we get things wrong and where we go from there. Because i think there is a bit of fear for so many people about definitely failure. I mean that's a massive fear that so many people have and something that i've talked about a ton over the years but when i've talked about failure i'm never really looked at it through the lens of having done something where you hurt someone's feelings or you offended someone or you made a mistake that you wish you could take back. And that's the world that i'm living inside of right now. So what do you do with fat. And how do you move forward. Because i think that there is an instinct when you mess up to sort of give up and if that's what happens you don't learn anything you can't grow you can't change. You can't evolve and given everything that's happened. I feel like it's really important for me to talk to you guys about it because i know i'm not the only one who's ever messed up so this week i've been thinking a lot about how you can sit in the discomfort of making a mistake and also how can you find the lesson or the good stuff even in painful screw ups so just to be totally honest About gosh against the beginning of the month when everything happened. I sort of cliff's notes version of this is i posted something on social media. My intention was to create something that i thought was empowering and it really upset a lot of people and you know. I've thought a lot since then about this idea of intention and what we intend to do versus what we can do are two completely different things. And it really doesn't matter what your intention was if people were hurt by it. And that's especially hard to process when i have spent a decade just trying to create content that lift people up or inspires them or makes them feel seen or connected or puts joy out into the world and so when i found out that it was upsetting to people. What i grappled with the most was. How did i get this so wrong. Like how in the hell did i not understand. Like how did. I not see that this would be so upsetting. And i think that that is the biggest conversation inside of. This is the fact that i didn't see that it would be. Upsetting is the definition of white privilege. I own that and a half to own not. I did not look at what i was saying. Through the lens of how that would feel to someone else. And because i don't have to filter my words through a lens that's privilege in part of the reason that i wanted to make this week's podcast on this topic is because i think that one of the most important things that i can do or i think frankly if you're listening to this and you are white woman is to not be defensive about that privilege is to not get your feelings hurt and frankly is not to feel guilty because your guilt doesn't fix anything or change anything it's man. How do we own that. That is something that exists for us that doesn't exist for other people. And what are we gonna do with it so the first week after everything happened or so much and i had was just so aware of having disappointed so many people and disappointing my team at work and disappointing. My best friends and i was just. It was a lot. I also was really conscious at times. Even though was painful of not wanting to numb that pain or ignore that pain but knowing that it was necessary to sit inside of it that it was necessary to have hard conversations that it was necessary to talk to the people. I had heard that it was necessary for all of that deeply deeply painful but so necessary so i think the first step for me was letting go of like. Oh but i wasn't trying to or oh but that wasn't my intention or oh i didn't mean to because it's not about what i was trying to do. It's about what the result of that was. And maybe different people would look at this in different ways but for me how i wanna live my life is. I wanna show up with love i i want to put goodness out into the world and so if i've done something even if i thought the intent was good and the resulting effect wasn't loving and joyful and these values that i stand for then it doesn't matter why did it i have to own the effect so that was a big Piece for me in the very beginning. And then i think it also is really important to understand even if this will make sense y'all but it was really important for me to understand and unpack. How did i get to the place where i was posting something that wasn't completely aligned with my values so like how did i get to the place where was putting something out into the world and i think that this looks different for different people like make for me. It was putting something on social. Maybe for you you found yourself in a situation where he said something. You wish you hadn't said or you told secret you wish you hadn't shared or you. Just how do we get to the place in life where we make a decision where we're not showing up in that moment as the best version of ourselves so i had to ask myself a lot of really hard questions about how it got to that place because i think if i just filter it through just this lynn's if you wanna put love out into the world was this thing loving like in the moment i thought like this is bad ass. This is cool. This is whatever. But if i just came back to that core value of is this loving no not at all then in fact i can unpack in. Knowing that moment. i was angry. I was angry. The anger comes from tired of women. Picking on women. I mean i've been in. This world. Have been on social media for a decade. And i feel like i do everything to navigate around it and i don't read comments or i just but it's somehow finds its way and i just i don't get it. I don't understand it. Like ninety. Nine percent of the time i can carry on and i'm fine and on that day it hurt. My feelings and i was pissed. Oftentimes if you grew up in a i don't know if this will make sense but anyone else listening had a childhood where You are often scared or unsure or your feelings were or you kinda fell out of control. Anger is an easy emotion because it feels empowering so yeah i can i can look back and see unpack that. I was angry in that moment and that should have been the first sign post anything so i think it was important for me to understand how can get a place where i could Not consider the feelings of of so many other people. And i don't know that i would've even been conscious of feeling that anger and then that's a bigger conversation for me and my therapist and what i'm going to do with that and how many show up better in the future and i know that it's sort of easy to roll your eyes. Are some people roll their eyes at my constant constant desire to look for a lesson or to look for goodness in hard things but the first piece of it for me is like even understanding that i was in that place so that those are feelings that i

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