My Bad! Learning the Power Behind Personal Accountability!
They're still the free parenting courses on there as well and links to all of the podcast and podcasts that I've been a guest on and there's just a whole lot happening. So I'm really excited about that but I want to please head over to instagram have a couple of people that are just amazing. They're working with me behind the scenes that are posting some quotes from different episodes, the the instagram traffic or Is amped up as well. So you can find me at virtual couch on instagram and again stopped by Tony Over Bay DOT COM, and sign up to find out more about the magnetic marriage course that is going to I promise this is going to deliver. You're going to have a better marriage you're going to have more magnetic marriage. You'RE GONNA, learn how to communicate more effectively by the things that we talk about in that course. All right let's get. To today's topic, which is one that has just been I feel like it's it's always there. It's always simmering under the surface, but I feel like I have had so many examples that have just been popping up in front of me over the last two or three weeks in particular just about the concept of Accountability Accountability Ownership, and this is owning one's own part in their life owning one's story owning the story that they tell others and I truly. Do, want to say right out of the gate I. Understand that taking ownership or accountability can be hard. It can be scary. It can cause you to sit in some pretty pretty heavy emotions and I know I've done episodes in the past on the concept of a primary emotion versus a secondary motion but often we are so attuned or so accustomed to not wanting to sit in that primary emotion that we immediately turned to a secondary emotion that. Secondary emotion can be blame it can be pushing can be lack of accountability or lack of ownership. Here's what that can look like a primary. If let's say that we did something or we forgot to do something or we broke something or we lost something in our immediate thought is that feels bad we feel sad, we feel embarrassed. Here's one that I often hear is so classic or so Cliche but somebody loses their keys or can't find their wallet. The core, their immediate thought or reaction if they really dig deep might be embarrassment fifty-year-old Dolt who can't keep track of my keys. So instead of sitting with that embarrassment and saying man, this stinks, I lose my keys all the time I can't find my keys an essence. I'm saying I'm embarrassed vulnerable. Instead, we immediately jumped to the secondary emotion of anger. Would you do with my keys? You're always misplacing my keys, my stuff. This is your fault. So there is some displaced secondary emotion that is the opposite of accountability. So the challenges of accountability it can be a river that runs deep. You might be someone that from your childhood nobody took accountability. So this might be. A. Learned behavior and so it can be really really scary to take accountability and there could even be people who their role in the home is to take accountability or ownership for everyone's problems, and then that can also create this dynamic where people are so used to that one person taking accountability saying, well, it must've been my falter. That's my bad that then people don't learn to take accountability for themselves. So quick story time a few years ago my son and I were in Las Vegas we were attending the NBA Summer League that was something that before everything is shutdown was funding that we would do every summer and rented a car and we were entering the parking structure. Of the Thomas and mack, center where the Games are to be played and I just took a corner too tight in the parking garage and ice scrape this entire rental car up against the side, the passenger side door and the door behind the passenger side door and man I felt that there was a lot of resistance from this very large giant hard cement yellow poll up against the car that I drove right into the side of it. So I got out and it was funny I think I had a towel in the car and get out with the towel hoping I'd be able to wipe it off but you cannot wipe off with ended up being several thousand. Dollars of damage to the rental car, and I, remember just that my immediate thoughts or emotions were I was embarrassed humiliated here I am with my son we're going to have this amazing time and I literally just rented a a rental car and I have rented so many cars in my life and that has never happened before became a therapist ten years in the software industry traveling around the world I have rented cars of cars and driven them on the Autobahn cars and Taiwan or Russia are all throughout Europe and here I am making it into a parking structure and I just scrape up the side of this car but I remember in that moment just feeling like what? I. Did. I did that and so I just said to my son well, I don't think I can wipe off all the paint that has come off of the yellow poll under the side of this car and it just took the energy right out of the situation the negative energy and my son and I had a good laugh and we were going to the Games and I remember it was such a blessing such a gift of just taking ownership or accountability for it. Because I knew that there wasn't anything I could do I. Knew that I was going to return the car. I knew that I probably needed to put in a call to my insurance agents that I did and then we were able to just have fun and made A. Couple of jokes about the car in a couple of other scenarios. I. Think at one point there was a car giveaway and I thought okay this would be nice.