Bonus Content: Love, Dating, and Marriage with Schizophrenia

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to inside schizophrenia I'm Rachel Star here with my co host gay powered gape today interesting topic love dating marriage while having schizophrenia is if those three things weren't hard enough. You can see why we waited so long to do this because I've known you for a long time Rachel in all that time, you've never wanted to discuss love dating or marriage euro can't discussing schizophrenia. Yes. But not love dating or marriage. So this is GonNa be fun. Yeah. I'm not a great source for relationship advice because I'm single. That's the end of the story I. You know that's very fair. Yeah, I have been. For a long time and you're happy being single your yeah. Sure whatever. No I mean seriously the are you happy being single I rather be single than unhappy. That's fair. Okay. I'm fine as I am. Let's say that when you find that you are yeah I think the important thing for the audience to understand though is that you're not single because of schizophrenia you don't feel that those two things have any relation you do have schizophrenia and you are single but they're saying what? I'm trying to say if you asked me, could I just find someone? Yes, I could. But you'd be unhappy in that relationship, right? Yeah. I know that schizophrenia wraps around your entire life but you don't feel that schizophrenia is holding you back. You just haven't met the right person and you have very high standards and you're an impressive woman you should have high standards. Another way for high standards is shallow you're shallow. To say, shallow. Nice standards. Shallow. whichever luckily, luckily, we found a married couple. Yes. We found Andrew and Stephanie Downing who are the authors of marriage in Schizophrenia is on the prize I had no idea that this existed but Rachel you've been aware of this book for quite some time even before we interviewed them for the show and what's cool is so andrew the husband he has schizophrenia and they found out and then they got married. So it wasn't like they've been together and then suddenly something happened a few years she went in knowing that this is something that they're going to have to deal with together for the rest of their lives. What was really cool about the interview which. is coming up a little later as we interviewed them both at the same time and I thought they were very very candid. It was really interesting to hear their thoughts on this idea that people with schizophrenia shouldn't get married and shouldn't have kids. Rachel what do you think about that concept that people with schizophrenia either should not be in romantic relationships or will we most often here cannot be in stable relationships? I think people schizophrenia I could do anything relationship wise. That doesn't mean it's going to be easy as is most things in life. The schizophrenia is just something else added on the reason to people break up may have nothing to schizophrenia could be mother-in-law's terrible. Could be there just really annoying. They snore at night and you can't take it. You can only take so many years without sleep you know. So there's like silly reasons and like serious reasons why people do or don't get married or stay married backing off from schizophrenia for just talking about general mental illnesses longtime listener to the show I have bipolar disorder and I have been divorced. Twice and I'm fascinated at the number of people who hear that I have bipolar disorder and here that I got divorced that's it. That's all they know they weren't around when I was married they're just meeting me for the first time I've been happily married for eight years now and they're like, Oh, you got divorced twice bipolar disorder, right? I mean gave I've always assumed you ran off. I understand why people feel that way I do it is an easy conclusion to draw and much in the same way with schizophrenia polar disorder is all encompassing to say that it had zero to do with. It is certainly disingenuous Rachel I feel that following these stereotypes removes agency and responsibility from the people involved and I. Think this gives an opportunity to grow I believe that the divorce is were my fault and that allowed me to be very introspective look into. Myself and grow as a person if I would have taken the company line. Oh, it's because I have bipolar disorder. Then I don't know that I would have improved and I don't think that I would be happily married. Now, how do you feel about people who just blame their love woes on schizophrenia and then don't improve as a person I imagine that that you don't feel good about that because I've never ever seen you use schizophrenia as an excuse for anything. I think if you WANNA excuse you're going to find an excuse. Schizophrenia is a really big one that you could be like no one wants me because of this reason and there's other things like, yes the medication makes you gain weight yes. The medication makes you WANNA sleep most of them have sexual side effects and you can say all of that does contribute absolutely. But at the end of the day I'm responsible for me and it's my job to find a way to love my life. You know because those same things I could immediately flip in like, Oh man I have a really bad job. No one's GonNa WanNa be with me on my hair is falling out mine is so don't feel like I'm just pointing out the guys. You know there's so many things though if you want an excuse, you will always have one that's not the way to look at it, and honestly no one wants to be in a relationship with that. We talked about in preparation for the show and you told me that you were on dating. APPS. Dating APPS, you know high woman living with Schizophrenia Likes Dogs No. If it's someone that I like and we WANNA meet up for a day. I want them to know that ahead of time I rather them know going in hey, she has a mental disorder Blah Blah Blah the meek attached to them and then bring it up three weeks later, and then they leave I rather you leave than me get attached she. Oh, the downside of that is yeah. Probably makes people leave but those

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