A highlight from S17E4: Following Your Intuition (in Dating) w/ Nikki Novo
Hi, I'm Yui Xu. And I'm Julie Kraftchick. We're active daters turned dating sociologists. Here to dive into everything modern dating and relationships. Welcome to the dateable podcast. Hi, hi, hi. Welcome back to another brand new episode. This is a repeat guest, but someone who we talk about constantly. She changed my life. Not only does she change your life, but she's been on our mind for three years since the last time we spoke to her. And I couldn't believe it when I was looking at how long I had been since she'd been on the podcast. And I was like, wait, feels like we just spoke to her yesterday because I think about her constantly. That's so weird. I also think about her constantly. She is my secret girl crush as well. Who are we talking about? Nikki Novo. Nikki Novo, we had her on the podcast back in 2020 season 11, episode 14. What's holding you back? So she's an intuitive, she's an author. She wrote a fabulous new book and she did readings for us. So she did readings back in 2020. And for me, I was at a very pivotal point that I had just ended my relationship with my on again, off again boyfriend of five years. We had done that final in COVID. We're either doing this or we're not. All the same issues came back and I realized that I wasn't doing this and actually, okay, so another part of why Nikki Novo is so important in my life that I'm not even sure if I really fully shared is with my ex. One of the things that was really challenging with that relationship is that he was very hot and cold. Like it was like, I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. And then I need my space. I need time alone. And that was really hard for me. Like I did not do well with the inconsistency. And of course he did that again. It was like we had this wonderful time together and then it was, I need that space. And I went to the park and I was so like upset about this cause I'm like, here we go again. It's the same shit happening. And I read Nikki Novo's book, The Final Swipe, her first book, because we were prepping to have her on the podcast. And I remember reading the book and I was just like, I don't want this relationship anymore. And that was such a turning point for me. I think it was like that final turning point for me. Like I had been building that up for a while and then like reading that, like reading whatever she wrote resonated with me so much. And I like came home and I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore. No, no. That was The Final Swipe. It was The Final Swipe. It was done. It was done. Well, she has this way of just putting thoughts in such a clear framework. That it's not like it's new for you. It's not like those the first time you ever thought about this as being this being final. But she just puts it in a way that you're like, yeah, of course. Like, I don't want this. If you put it that way, I don't want this in my life. And this is the final straw or the final swipe. So I appreciate her clarity in the way she expresses herself. And when she did my reading, you know, I was like, just celebrate my two year anniversary. We were kind of fighting that whole weekend on our anniversary trip about what is the future. And she said, listen, no need to be so anxious. You are going to live a non -traditional life. Your path is non -traditional. So stop trying to fit into that traditional future that you see. I was like, done. That's all I need to hear. That's really interesting because like I OK, like in the moment, of course, when you were going through that and you had that reading, you were really trying to make it work with your ex. And I heard that as like maybe you don't get married, but you have like a non -traditional life with him. But now, like looking at where it's going, that could just be a lot broader than with him. Yes. Yes. And I think it was still applied to our relationship. We had a pretty non -traditional trajectory. But, you know, when this relationship ended, I was like, that doesn't need to be the path I go on, you know, and her words came back to me and I was like, yes, I'm meant for a non -traditional life. I know. And, you know, because when I did the reading, I just ended this relationship and then I was really at a crossroads of, OK, what's next? And she really gave me hope that this was my year, that the person was around the corner. You know, I did end up meeting my partner in that year from that reading. It was like my year around my birthday, as she predicted. But more than anything, it was the mindset shift it gave me. It was the fact that I had the confidence that it was going to happen. It was just a matter of when, not if. And I think that was like a big shift for me, because in the past, like I definitely had that thought, like, what if it never happens for me or what if I never meet this person? And just changing that mentality, going into every date and being like, OK, is it this person? And if it's not, then just being like, OK, it's going to be the next person. And she did warn me, too, of, you know, you're going to go through that like rocky time. And I definitely did. I was able to get through it because I didn't get discouraged. And it kind of goes back to that perseverance again. Like, I think that's so important of you just keep going because, OK, I don't think dating is a numbers game in the sense that you need to be dating all these people at once. And, you know, you really have to be like churning through people in the sense of knowing what works for you. I do think getting clear is probably more time effective than going on date after date after date with no clarity and no intention. But I do think you have to be realistic that in today's world, the first person you swipe on is not going to be your partner for life. Like, right. I probably went on like 500 dates before I met my partner. I think that's what we calculated when we did the episode with your friend, you know, rough back of the napkin math. But, you know, like I probably swiped on like 10 ,000 people. What do you think about it? Like this didn't happen overnight. So you have to kind of go through it. But that knowing knowing that it's going to happen, it made me approach dating a lot more positively. Yeah. And it does make you think, too, because I think we should give that advice to you. It's like everybody who does come into your orbit serves a reason. Yeah. So if they're not the right person for you, you can still learn something from them and then move on from it because that's not your person. It's like not time wasted. And we're not just like sitting around waiting for that person to show up at our doorsteps. We still got to be out there learning from people with people before we meet the right person, which is a mindset I'm in now because it was I again foray back into dating. I've been a little gun shy with online dating, but now I'm going on this. I'm taking myself on a romantic trip to Greece. Yes. And I'm going to be taking all the condoms with me because I feel like maybe, you know, dating abroad, strangers, no strings attached. Maybe the best way to get myself back into some sort of like a romantic mindset. You know, I don't need to think about the future. No, I just think about the now and have a great time. That's where you are right now. And like, I think as long as your mindset is open and positive, then you'll attract people into that orbit. Yeah, for sure. Into my web, my sex web. I'm just like picturing you on this cruise, like, you know, like Titanic style, just like in the front of trolling for a day.