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Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Today. We're GONNA talk about dependency. We're GONNA talk about different types of addiction or addiction to stuff our addiction to food or addiction to social media and coffee and cigarettes and alcohol and all of our addictions and will address the shame. That accompanies addiction quite often. And we're going to do that today. With today's guests warmer Kalan is here. They've been here awesome. Thanks for coming. I'm really grateful now. You are the author of this book. Hold it up for the Youtube audience. We are the luckiest my wife is the first person who recommended this to me. And So said you should consider getting her on the show and and now here are are you are and we're gonNA be talking about alcohol addiction later but Our podcast about minimalism inattention. -ality in many of the questions manifest around stuff and in our culture. We certainly have an addiction to stuff right a lot of addictions right. I think it'd probably best to start by talking about what. What do we mean by addiction or yeah? I think this the simplest definition as anything you continue to do despite negative consequences. So we're all addicted to oxygen but there's no negative consequences of the water right right so you continue to do it. Even though you're it's making you suffer in some way right okay. And so there are a lot of things we do. And it's almost a point of privilege that we have all of these. We have access to all of these things that we can become addicted to right and so right. Now I mean I can think of people who call into the show or send. Us messages Material Possessions is an addiction. In fact we call it hoarding. But it doesn't just manifest as hoarding it can just be like Online shopping addictions and But also addictions food sugar and carbs particular. You're overeating yes addiction to work for. Sure we call it a being a workaholic. Right in fact in our culture it is a badge of honor. Cigarettes is a big mother died from from lung cancer because she smoked from age. Sixteen to sixty five and And so of course was addicted to that. I think there are a lot of other addictions as well and especially in our are heavily mediated world. We are addicted to social media were addicted to attention and status and money or what we perceive to be. The sort of money will get for us for sure. television breaking news were addicted. The average. Every gotta have news right now. Constantly addicted to stimulate. Yeah and so our phones for sure that is the one of the biggest addictions there are so many of these these addictions and we're gonNA talk about about. Alcohol addiction is well. I want to dive into your story but I thought I would start with some questions from our audience. I think this will open it up with some different types of addiction or first question is from Corey in Charlotte North Carolina. What do I do? Wish my hoarders accumulation of stuff that went up on my plate so a little bit of background. My mother has what I would consider a shopping addiction It has had a very negative effect on on our lives as a family over the years. Up until You know losing my childhood home in two thousand eight marketing crushes based on the amount of credit card debt because of the these stuff That she has the constant need to fill her her life West. Now we live in separate homes I'm an adult point and the way it still managing to affect me as she will go and purchase new things that she doesn't necessarily need so she has that kind of hoarding quality. But then on the flip side of that. She calls herself a chuckers. There's then she wants to get rid of the old things which in many instances aren't even old. They're barely used. There's tags on them. They were all day large purchase price and almost guilty fashion. Just based on the amount of money that she has put forth for these items. When I'm asked if I could use them or want them I generally say yes I try not to but in my own beginning journey with minimizing my lifestyle. This has become my main obstacle. So I'm wondering what is it that I can can say to her when I really don't want these items like how is it that I can express it. You know I I don't want these items and I don't. I don't care what you do with them like I don't you know whatever donate them. We everybody I can't I can't be invested in this situation anymore. So Laura they're are few things that stand out to me and we're talking about addiction and really talking about other people's addiction here and how it affects us with Corey's case of Ryan. If you were to come to me with this question I would have the urge to want to like grab you by the shoulders. Shake the hell dude. You're one of them. Minimalists where you doing but there is that sort of urge. I know I grew up. My mother was an alcoholic so it was my father and I didn't know my father that much but Yeah I spent my entire childhood my mother and there were times where I literally wanted to shake her and say you know you've got to stop doing this but also realizing that we can't do that now. We can't do that at the very first page of my book. The epigraph is basically lake. What I wanted to be said to me What would have been useful and what I recommend other people say so. Can I read the list? It's nine things. Yes wow I just forgot to book right here. We can hear like never forgotten this no worries. I do that all the time. Okay it's not your fault it is your responsibility it is. This is your thing. It is unfair that this is your thing. This will never stop being your thing until you face it. You can't do this alone only you can it. I love you and I will never supper minute of these things dislike slide that piece of paper right over love. That's the whole thing to say though because you're not responsible you can't. I totally agree and and there are some. There's some language here as well. The Corey is using and I think some of it is unintentional but she referred to her mom my horror. I don't know if you notice that when she first is just so magic without a mom being my alcoholic as a and that my means burden is on me to do something about it and let me say this number one. You can break the cycle right and it sounds like you. Have you have simplified your own life and I will also say that it's not up to you to determine what other people need. There's a lot of judgment here in saying well. She's she's buying a lot of things that she doesn't need well. It's not up to you to really determine whether or not you she needs that. Maybe you don't need it. But maybe it's something that she perceives. She needs or some the she perceives wide value to her life another. She said she feels guilty to so a lot of this stuff that she's taking out of guilt and you know to the point of her mom's problems doesn't need to be her problems I've got written down here. You know you needn't take on the burden of others guilt now with family and friends. It's hard to not do that sometimes but in a situation like this you have to be reminded of that end I think. Step one for For Corey here. She's got a start telling her mom. No and that's actually the best thing she can do for her mom. It is doesn't feel like it. I mean that's boundaries when a one upset compassionate to say no yet it you can say no and I love what you say in your book there. Is You know. I'M NOT GONNA make this my problem but I'm going to be here for you and I love you and remind you again yeah. This isn't mine so corey you can totally take this approach with your mom because every time you say yes to taking something from your mother you are enabling her. You're giving her an excuse to feed this addiction so set the boundaries up and again. This isn't mean that you don't have to love or support your mom you can say no and still love and support her and instead of just saying though you can simply say no. Thanks and realizing that every time you are saying yes even though. It's something that you feel like you perceive you would get value from here. You're saying yes. Because you're you're you're saying. Yes to her hoarding tendencies. You are giving her permission. You're making room for her to continue these sort of pernicious behaviors. And let's let's talk a little bit about that or with with respect to our addictions whatever they might