The Secret to Leadership Is Closer Than You Think with Jen Hatmaker

RISE Podcast


Days April seventeen and tell me how you are doing on April seventeenth. Let's see okay. This is a place to tell the truth correct. Yes yes tweed you know because I can always contract two versions if I need to but I'll go ahead and dial be realistic. I'll go down. Okay let's see. I'm four days away from a book released. That means a lot to me and kind of the book that I've well. I don't know how to say this but I've earned it like I earned. Its lessons the hard way by living them and doing some of it. Well do me some of it poorly but nonetheless emerging on the other side wiser and braver and stronger and so it goes into the world on April twenty first and I am feeling feelings about that. I am feeling have feelings and the feelings are excited. The feelings are anxious. The feelings are prematurely disappointed. Because that's the way I'm wired The feelings are super vulnerable. I put it all in there. It's all in there so last night. For example at three in the morning I was lying in bed. My brain was reminding me of several things that I said in that book that I've never said right and I was like well that is already printed so that is a thing. Oh I just haven't been very human feelings about putting a very true very vulnerable book into the world into a world. It's hurting right now. And everybody else's scared and everybody else feels tender and I'm just I feel like I'm holding all the emotions in the world right now. Yeah I as you're describing it. I'm thinking of listeners. Who Maybe haven't written a book but maybe are pregnant right now. You know and they're it's it's sort of this idea of this thing that you've been creating right and working on and you had a certain expectation for how that would come out into the world then now looks very different than it did before as a And not just with you know obviously pregnancy but if people had projects they were working on in their business they weren't really excited about launching or you know college students who were so excited to graduate high school students who lost their prom. Like there's there's a certain amount of grief that is. It's very interesting because it's grief associated with what was supposed to be a celebratory thing. That's around do you carry those and the time I am. We were having this discussion online with my community and one of my readers said this was the perfect word She said you know the thing is is that so many of us feel cheated right now and I'm like you ask the right word. We still cheated. I've got Of course same as you all my kids are at home and in this House that we live in twenty four seven I have to seniors. I have a senior in college and have a senior in high school. And so there's not a person that that I love near me. That isn't feeling cheated in some way and I really appreciate the wisdom that a lot of our leaders are giving us right now which is to work as hard as we can to not Sign up for as my friend. Kristen Howard calls them the hardship Olympics That you're not that's not a good game and we ought not to be competitors into who has it worse than I see this with a lot of people right now who were like saying something out loud where they cheated a laundry list of things like you just mentioned and then the Felix urged tacked onto the end. But I know this is not the worst thing you know. We feel like we've got put our self In the right hierarchy for the hardship Olympics and I just think that there's room right now in our communities and our families With our friends and in churches and companies and colleagues to just be incredibly generous to each other right now That someone says their greatest sadness is that their eighth grade play is cancelled. The best thing to say is that is terrible. And I'm so it still sad and I am sorry and that is so disappointing and I just I'm A. I'M A my instinct sometimes to curb the thing I like. I like the uptick. I like to. I'm blast half full and I'm a sunny shiny tight But I don't think that serves right now. I think there is a place to hold room for somebody else's fear sadness or grief or loss and somehow in that moment it finds a way to move through as a little easier I think when we don't suffocate it we can actually have permission of feel it It isn't quite as long. Yeah we for the first time since we're in week five of quarantine and working virtually at our company and This week I instituted something. I called circle. Time which was basically group therapy See in on zoom calls. I could see people's faces that For for certain people are struggling and I just said hey guys I know this is kind of odd. It's not normally something we would do in the workplace. But I'd like to invite you to just come for an hour and beyond zoom call and all lead out and we'll just literally talk about the hard thing and whatever it is in your life. You have permission to complain about it. And there is not a competition and if your partner's driving you crazy or the kids or whatever like this is the opportunity to about ten people come and you know we cried and we laughed and it was awesome in a highly recommended it for your workplace your friend group or whatever you need but what. I thought was really interesting. Was One of the young women on our staff. Who is she single? And she's quarantine quarantining alone and so she is really struggling with loneliness. Her community was about getting together with her friends or going to church on Sunday for those things have been removed. And certainly you can have that virtually but just not the same. That's right and her sadness was in things like she's like. I just want to hug somebody. Eylau BASICALLY WANNA hug ask. You is talking about this. Which is heartbreaking. She said you know. I know it's not the same because there were a lot of MOMS there who were talking about how hard it was toddlers. And she's like I know some fame and I know that you parents get so much worse than I was like girl. This is not. We are not competing here. It's hard thing is hard to you and it has value because it's yours and so I think it's so why is the council people on this reminder? Whatever your thing is. You're allowed to feel disappointed because they think shoving the feelings away won't serve you. Think that if you can just acknowledge that they're there than exactly like you said you can start to move forward with the acknowledgment not by pretending it didn't happen. Yeah that's one hundred percent right and that sometimes means having hard conversations brand. I had a hard conversation. This very morning Just about managing our own feelings right now plus the kid's feelings plus Sort of work expectations. And you know. Where's the give there? And so I you know the only way we could get to the other side of that conversation was by telling the truth so while there is. Get the impulse to just spit. Shine the whole thing right. But there's actually way more power in saying out loud this feels really Sad or confusing or hard to me right now and and then we kind of we get our power back from it a little bit And that's what we're kind of discovery in our house so we're trying to give our kids a lot of room to just say well this terrible. I mean we've got. We've got all teenagers and young adults. They are not meant to be right like physiologically socially and emotionally they are meant to be spreading their wings and flying right now. That is what they're still doing and they derived so much energy in meaning from their peers. And so and then you add on top of that the the real sincere disappointment of to seniors who are not getting finished like they wanted to. It's real it's so real and so but you're I was thinking about your Colleague who this is teeny little. Tip Your colleague who as quarantine alone and I think so much about how. Many people are quarantined alone. Right now And you know we. We're the opposite problem. There's way too many of us in this house Another one right there. Walking down the GREMLINS and I was on a I was interviewing Dr Hillary McBride for the PODCAST A couple of weeks ago. And she's just incredible leader like just incredible therapist but she was talking about ways that we can even like self soothe and she said that if you are alone in quarantine that even if you kind of take your hands and you wrap them around your own self you pat your arms a little bit and you give your shoulder a little rub. And she's that sends a very similar signal to your mind that you are being held and cherished and comforted. And so. That's what I'm telling every all my friends who are quarantining alive alive hard hug

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